Loneliness and living in the city.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My house is finally going on the market at the end of the week and my life is going to be very different after it sells.

I haven’t quite decided what I want to do with the rest of my life.

One of the options I’m considering is living in Midtown. I enjoy walking and I like the idea of walking where there is so much going on around me and I like the idea of having so many restaurants and bars to choose from, but when I actually try to picture myself in the midst of all that, I’m afraid it’s just going to make me feel more lonely than if I live more suburban.

But I’ve never really lived on my own before so maybe I’m just going to feel lonely no matter where I decide to live.

So, I thought I’d talk to you guys about it. What do you think?

Is it better to live more removed from all the action if you’re alone?

2

I am not sure how old you are, I see this quite a bit with friends who have lost a spouse or so through death or divorce. If I didn’t have so many hobbies and interests I would choose mid town. Now and then I have a downtime that might last a week or so and I usually head downtown and hang out at the local coffee shops, bakeries, book stores. I always meet people quickly but others I know never meet people in the same neighborhood. I think we have to make an effort to put ourselves out there.

3

Do midtown. You won’t entirely cure your loneliness (what can?) but it will make it easier to fill your time. And being centrally located will make it easier for people to spend time with you. Plus, if you’ve mostly lived in the suburbs, why not try something new?

4

Where in Midtown are you thinking of moving to?

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

5

Scribble, I’m talking about Midtown Sacramento.

HoneyBadger, I’ll be 61 in August.

6

What’s causing you to be suddenly alone? Death, divorce??

Sacramento is not an overly large city. Metropolitan population just over 2 million.

Do you have close friends that you could move near? Are you retired or still working?

If I was retired, I’d move closer to Napa.

7

I moved from the mother lode (Amador Co., just south of you) down to East Sac about ten years ago. I was surprised how much I like it here. Midtown is a great area; the eastern suburbs is where I’d worry about loneliness.

8

I hear you. I am in the same boat, but my change involves divorce, relocation, a new job and much baggage. I wish I was just back deciding whether to move from Fair Oaks to downtown Sac. :slight_smile:

I’ve come to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter sh*t where you live as far as loneliness, isolation and the opposites go. You’re still you; if you can connect, make friends, be gregarious, socialize etc. then you can do it from a suburban apartment or a downtown condo. If you’re a loner, have lost the ability to connect to new people, don’t have good social/community network - in other words, if you’re like most of us seem to be these days - then moving to a vibrant 30-something/young family/working-couple neighborhood won’t help any more than staying in Isolation Valley suburbs.

So live where you’re comfortable, and put the “loneliness” effort in wherever it does the most good - join a local society or congregation (Unitarian if you’re not religious), etc.

9

It’s a pretty damn big place. Looking at wiki data doesn’t show the whole picture. It’s not much smaller overall than LA, just not as dense in most places.

And if frogs had wings… he didn’t say he’d won the lottery. :slight_smile:

10

Barely fifteen minutes ago, I posted a lengthy essay in Quasimodal’s loneliness thread, in which I posited that when you’re alone, the missing ingredient is really adrenaline, and that there are other ways to get that, that could be nearly adequate substitutes for certain social interactions (which, after all, are just a source of adrenaline, right?), and even may be a source of other social interactions.

I recommended taking up an adventure sport as an alternate source of adrenaline. (Skydiving being perhaps one of the more extreme possibilities.) And specifically, an adventure sport that involves some degree of team effort.

I gave some details of my own recent experience as an example, focusing on the activity (flying sailplanes) as a source of adrenaline, and also on the social aspects of engaging in a team sport in a club environment.

I’ll add this here: So you’re in Sacramento, eh? You’re well positioned to take up soaring yourself, if you’re not too chicken-liver to give it a try. Just a brief hike up the road, in Williams, there is a rather major gliderport. (No, that isn’t where I’ve been going, although I’ve visited there a few times.) To be sure, it is a commercial operation, and I emphasized that a club environment is much preferred.

And of course, if you want to go the whole nine yards on becoming an adrenaline junkie, there are skydiving operations all over the place. The ones I happen to know of, within reasonable distance of Sacramento, are near Lodi and Byron. But I’m sure there are others closer; it’s an astonishingly popular sport.

Give it a try. Get all into it, is you genuinely can. Get out of the city, and into the atmosphere! Savor the fabulous scenic vistas. (These too – San Francisco, Marin, Pt. Reyes. No, that isn’t me in those pics.) Go hangar-flying with the others. And drench yourself in the adrenaline.

11

I kinda consider myself an urban hermit. I don’t want to be entangled with people, but I do enjoy being in the midst of people. I think one reason I rarely get lonely is because it is so easy for me to absorb “people energy”. There’s always some place within walking distance where I can go and have a social experience, even if I never even say a word.

But really, I think it is simply easier to stay busy when you’re in the city. You might be lonely sometimes, but at least you won’t be lonely and bored. At least, this has been my experience.

12

Yes, yes. Me too.

13

Omar, my husband and I are going to live apart. He’s moving out of state and I’m staying here.

I have family nearby and I still work full time.

Twoflower, I worked in Plymouth for awhile. Thanks for relating your experience. You too Monstro, I think you guys are convincing me to give it a try.

Thanks everyone! I think I’m going to pass on the sky diving thing though. :slight_smile:

14

One thing you might consider if your circumstances allow is a short rental for six months or so to see if it’s for you.