Long Term Relationships What do they feel like?

I was observing my sister and her boyfriend of five years tonight and I was thinking to myself “My God! It must be amazing to have that much security and comfort with someone.” I myself have not had a relationship last over four months. It’s not because I’m afraid of commitment. Far from it. The reason why is I don’t date that much and haven’t had the chance to carry on relationships that can last for five years or more. I would like hear from people out there in those kinds of relationships and tell me what it is like. What do you feel when you wake up in the morning? What do you feel like when you go to bed at night? what do you think of your spouse? Tell me everything. I am curious to know everything you all have to say. Thanks :slight_smile:

I’ve only been with my girlfriend about a year now but I guess that is on the border of long term so I’ll throw in my opinion.

Every day I wake up I thank god that I’ve got a loving girlfriend that would go to the ends of the earth for me and do anything I asked. I’d do the exact same for her. When I go to bed she is the last thing on my mind. I can honestly say it’s been pure heaven for me with her this last year. I don’t know if it’ll last forever but I’m not worried because I’m happy and I’m in love. It’s the kind of love where if she’s away from me for more than hour my heart starts to ache and I feel so helpless and alone without her. We go to the same University but whenever there are breaks in school it’s horrible. We live 2 hours apart and we really don’t get to see each other. I thank my lucky stars she is moving in with me this summer. I can honestly tell you this girl is perfect. She’s got the cutest voice, her smile oh god her smile can melt an iceberg, her loving green eyes put a spell on me whenever I look into them, the beauty that radiates from her is unbelievable. This girl is truly amazing. I don’t think I’d ever find anyone that could come close to her. Oh how I could sit here and sing her praises all night long but I won’t cause that would just bore everyone.

Married 6.5 years here. Most times its GREAT to be with her, sometimes its neutral to be with her, and a few times its a pain to be with her. Its always lousy when we’re apart.

Married 3 years, together 4 here.

Without being gushy and romantic, I can say it’s wonderful knowing I have someone I can make jokes with and not have to worry about offending* them or earning yet one more enemy. The peace of knowing that spending a few hours together in a hardware store is fine with her. Knowing that out of all the women I knew, this one is the only one to see past my less than stellar exterior and actually love me. And I love her back more than she’s ever been loved.

We’re having fun here, don’t mind us. :smiley:

*[sub]Not that my jokes are “un-PC” or anything, sometimes they are just bad jokes. Being from here is excuse enough for most people to automatically write you off as a racist or something. Nope, I’m just not widely known for being funny. Or even talkative in person.[/sub]

Together 10 years, married 3. I’m still learning it everyday. If ‘excess baggage’ were easy to lose we probably would have lost it by now. There is no describing the familiarity. There is a reservoir of comfort, but no panacea. At times I am still the lazy selfish shit I was ten years ago. Most of the time my wife will let that go punished. I am happy. I never was a dater, met her at a friends birthday party. We knew right from the start. She wants more romance. I need a sports buddy sometimes. We work it out, ineptly at times. Sometimes we are the virtual idiot twins with our own language and pet names that outsiders cannot comprehend. (‘She just called you Mr. Pig–doesn’t that bother you? No, that means its okay for me to go but I better have the porch scrubbed before lunch tomorrow’).

Commitment: freedom to pass gas. (Mentioned by “Mr.
Blue” salon.com) Married folks fart in front of each other. “You ate Indian for lunch again?” They don’t teach you that in school.

Together for only a year and a half, but we both know we’re in it for keeps.
When I wake up in the morning, it’s nice and cuddly. Neither of us say much because we’re not morning people. We both listen to the news on the radio, then we get up and go to work.
When I go to bed at night, it’s also nice and cuddly, and we often talk about meaningless pointless stuff.
What do I think of my partner? He’s great. He’s the person that I can truly be myself with. He’s just right. I don’t have to change to be with him, and he doesn’t have to change to be with me. We have changed since we’ve been together, though — it’s just either been natural, or come from a real desire to make an effort for the other person.

You’re dead right about the farting.

(and we’re not even married!)

Married 20 years, so I guess I qualify.

The most profound thing I can say about a long-term relationship is that “we fit.” Mrs. Kunilou is as “automatically” a part of my life as waking up. While we have separate jobs, friends, incomes, etc., we don’t make decisions or plans without consulting each other. We are long past the stage where we do things for each other to impress – we do them because she/he’s our partner and it’s the right thing to do.

And I can not sleep the first night whenever we are apart.

Married 13.5 years. (I was a child bride.) We were engaged for 2.5 years. That makes 16 years. Geez, that’s not possible. I’m not that old!

Anyway, for the OP. I’m not a morning person, so I never feel good about anything when I wake up, but when we aren’t together, it’s so much worse. When I go to sleep at night, everything’s normal with the world. Nothing special, but then when we’ve had to be apart I do a lot of pacing. The 6 months he spent in Canada, I did a lot of self-medicating just so that I could sleep. When he took the job up here and I stayed with the kids at our old house during my father’s final days and waiting the birth of baby #2, I didn’t have that option. I always slept better on the weekends when he was home. I think I only slept on the weekends except for catnaps.

My husband is the first person that I want to tell a new joke to, the first person I run to in a crisis, the first person that tell exciting news to.

We are also very competitive about silly things. People don’t understand that it’s FUN to practically get in a knock-down-drag-out about in what order you should put your hand of cards when you play Hearts.

Oh yeah. Fights. :slight_smile: Fighting about silly things is fun. My wife always wants to correct my spelling, and we cannot agree on what kind of beans go on rice. (It’s red beans, dear!)

Married 18 years, dated for two years before that.

There is always at least one person on earth who is on my side. And I have no intention of ever leaving her, because I want to see what she is going to do or say next.

Home is wherever she is. If she’s OK, and the kids are OK, then everything is OK.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. That’s probably more impressive since I’m only 16 (granted, there was a few months when we weren’t “dating”, but we were still the most important person in each other’s life). I love it. He loves me, I love him, and we think that we’ll be together forever. Who knows. I know we’re just in high school, but it really feels real.

The key to this question lies in the quality of the relationship, it seems to me. I was with a girl for three years (total; there were a couple breakups involved). It was one of those tempestuous things, with a lot of passion and a lot of arguments. Quality over quantity, but of course I’m a total cynic anyway. My relationships have always been merely what fills the space between breakups. That’s bad, I know, but I’m trying to change my ways.

Met her four years ago. Married her two and a half years ago. I want to be with her forever.

I can truly say I’ve never before experienced a relationship like this. We support each other in everything we do. We have faith in one another’s abilities and life potential. And somehow, at the same time, we challenge each other to be better than we are, to constantly improve. She knows me as well as I know myself, and in some ways better. I know she won’t let me get away with any bullshit, and yet that doesn’t stop me from trying, because when she corrects me it’s painless, loving, and sometimes very funny.

We don’t necessarily enjoy every single one of each other’s chosen activities, at least in isolation – but we’re totally willing to do them together (me: baseball; her: shopping) because we simply, honestly, enjoy doing almost anything as long as we’re doing it together.

She recently spent a few days in Minneapolis, and I just plain couldn’t sleep. I rolled over in the big bed and just lay there. I needed her there. When she finally got back, I hugged her for what felt like a month, and that night, I curled my arm over her and slept like a sack of wet towels. Wet, happy towels.

I don’t have a lot of faith in relationships. My family has a long history of awkward marriages and painful breakups. My grandparents have hated each other for fifty years. My father was on his third wife the last time I talked to him. Partly because of this, I resisted getting deeply involved with anyone for many years.

I’m glad I waited.

I spent 12 years with a man. Granted, it was on-and-off, but even when we weren’t together, we knew the other one was THERE for the other. Will be two years in February that we decided it just wasn’t ever going to work out for us. We were still best friends, we still loved each other, but we weren’t IN love anymore. Not sure we ever were.

Two hardest years of my life. He was my first kiss. <sigh>

Yeah, it’s the camaraderie, the companionship, the knowing someone will love you no matter what. I don’t regret it ending, though. I’m the type of person that I need to crave someone, not just need them, and have that be reciprocal.

Disclaimer This was in no way a slam to long-term relationships. Just a comment on my own. Probably more of a mini-pity party, at that.

Well, I feel like I should comment. My SO and I have been together for 5 years, my ex and I before that were together for 6 years. Before that, I was with someone for a year.

What do I feel when I wake up in the morning? Mostly grumpy and rather mentally fuzzy. If my SO isn’t there in the morning though, I feel like something important is missing. All is well when I can see his messy bedhead sticking out of the covers.

What do I feel like when I go to bed at night? As long as one of us isn’t staying up late with a child, we like to go to bed together, snack, and read books. Sometimes we get so caught up in our books that we have to interrupt the other to tell them whats happening. We cuddle. Everything feels just right.

What do I think of him? I feel like we’re both pieces of a two piece puzzle. Shortly after I met him, I thought that I finally met the person who I’ve been talking to in my head my whole life. Sometimes his idiosyncrasies drive me a little nuts, but overall, I don’t know what I’d do without him. I’d feel incomplete.

These are all comments from a good relationship. My ex and I were together for 6 years, and it always felt like a forced fit. We were always engaged in some sort of power struggle, and I often resented him. Which probably explains why we aren’t together anymore.

Married for 14 years. Together for 17 years.
Knowing you have someone to run home to with good or bad news is really comforting.

I love the pants off my lovely bride. For the most part, it’s great. With good, there is bad. Sometimes, I could strangle her. Other times (nearly all the time) I could weep when I see her with the kids, baking up a storm, or when she is thinking about something and it makes her smile to herself.

Long term stuff is good. For me it’s essential.

The sex seems to get better and better too.

Well, I feel like I should comment too. Lola and I have been together for 5 years, my ex and I before that were together for four and a half. Before that, I was with someone for a few years.

What do I feel when I wake up in the morning besides dishevelled and tired? I feel lucky as hell. If Lola isn’t there in the morning I know she’s downstairs getting her morning coffee… you don’t want to see her before her coffee. All is well when I know she’s had a few cups and a smoke. After this I can come close enough to touch her.

What do I feel like when I go to bed at night? If one of us isn’t staying up late with a child we like to go to bed together. We snack and read books. Sometimes we get so caught up in our books that we have to interrupt the other and remind ourselves that since the kids are sleeping we could actually be having some “freaky circus sex” without being interrupted. We cuddle too. I like cuddling.

Everything feels just right with the world when I hold her in my arms.

What do I think of her? Quite simply, we fit. Shortly after I met her, I knew that I finally met the person who I’ve been dreaming of my whole life. Sometimes her idiosyncrasies drive me a completely nuts, I have to admit that I drive Lola crazy sometimes… okay, most of the time.

I don’t know what I’d do without her either. When she asks me this I tell her that I’d have to take up masturbation (this is one of our inside jokes). These are all comments from a great relationship.

Sometimes I feel like I just met Lola, the excitement and passion that was there at the start is still there. We still hold hands when we’re out and think nothing of stealing a kiss in public.

We’re at the point where we are often thinking and saying the same things and I wonder how long it will be until we get matching jackets with our names sewn on the sleeves.

I’m off… Lola and I are going to play some cards before I head off for a 10 hour awake and 8 hour sleep shift. I won’t sleep well tonight because she won’t be there. On the high side, my vacation starts tomorrow morning at 8… I’ll race home and get to spend the next 11 days with Lola and our kids.

I can’t wait.

My wife of one year (we’ve been going out for 5) and I squabble like siblings every 6 months. She babbles inanely. We disagree on a broad range of topics, from the importance of a college education to the correct storage of kitchen utensils. We both have enough personality flaws to keep a nitpicker busy for decades. We’re way too similar to ever have a blissful, uneventful relationship (and way too passionate to have a un-ventful one.)

By mutual agreement, our first year of marriage ranks as the worst year in either of our long and miserable lives (a lot of that was due to illness and poverty and transitory misery).

But boy, howdy.

I mean…sheesh.


You have no idea.

I wouldn’t believe it if it didn’t happen to myself. I don’t believe it, even though it continues to happen to myself.

I got one word for ya - hubba friggin hubba.

Married right at 23 years now. Together almost 24.

I have to say it takes work to keep a relationship going this long. And love. Not just that In Love butterflies in the tummy heart going pitty-pat kind of love. But the, I still love you when I have to pick up your dirty underwear, watch you scratch your butt, smell your morning breath, put up with your family, kind of love.

The yes, you hurt me / pissed me off, but I love you reguardless, we can work it out kind of love.

There is nothing as wonderful for me as having the LIONsob wrap his arms around me and look in my eyes the same way he did years ago and say I love you.