It’s raining
We’re at war
I have to make sauce tonight
There IS a threat of terrorism
It’s a little dark
I have a cough
I’m a little too horny to see that towel boy
I have to watch Molto Mario
I didn’t have a big enough lunch
Sorry, none of those hold water.
Personally, I’m just too fat and lazy.
The girls will all be undressing me with their eyes.
All that oogling and staring. I hate it.
It sucks to be a pretty boy.
I can’t find my sports bra.
I almost have a headache.
I need to put air in my car tires on the way.
My couch looks so comfortable.
I need to suck it up and go anyway. I always feel so much better after a run. It helps me keep my depression in check.
The cookies are still warm.
Last time it smelled like fart.
Look, a cloud.
My workout clothes are in the hamper.
I have a blister on my right foot.
I really need to organize the hall closet.
Tomorrow will be a better day if I make the lunches tonight before bed.
I can’t find my membership card. It was here a minute ago.
Somebody has to take out the trash, and it’s my turn.
We have to watch that video tonight, or pay late fees at the rental place if we keep it longer.
::accidently sees reflection of backside in bathroom mirror::
Toss me my sneakers and stand aside. I’m on a mission.
I just ate.
I went last night.
I think I pulled a muscle.
I’m out of clean workout clothes.
I lost my membership card.
I’ll go tomorrow.
I’ll do crunches tonight while I watch TV.
My foot hurts.
All my gym clothes are dirty.
I’m out of contacts and I hate wearing glasses to the gym.
Buffy’s on.
It’s too cold.
It’s too hot.
Why would I want to waste such a gorgeous day at the gym?
I’m sore from the wild sex I had last night.
I’m surprised no one has beaten me to it:
I’m hung over.
(the only truly legitimate excuse, IMO)
…I can’t do things like squats, pull ups, or ab crunches without letting a fart they can smell all the way to Arkansas.
I just went…as far as you know.
Sorry…
I lack the will to walk there.
If by some Act of God I make it, I’ll just watch TV.
Or start drooling over the girls there.
Who will be disgusted by me.
Which will drive me into an even deeper depression.
And cause me to care even less than I do right now about anything in particular.
Which, as there’s a dopefest on Saturday, is not conducive to getting happy for it.
Plus I am trying to smallen my arms in preparation for coming as a skinnyguy.
I don’t know where the gym is
I don’t have enough gas to get there
I can’t afford a membership there
I’m lazy
My dog ate my gym
I’m not allowed to wear spandex.
I have to take the cat outside so we can roll around in the grass and touch leaves with our noses.
My chi is off.
No one as fat and lazy as myself with go with me so I dont feel like a freak.
The old ladies arent as worn out as I am after water aerobics.
The pool area is seperated from the sweaty, buff, perfect people by a large window.
What if they keep rolling me back into the pool until Greenpeace is called?!?!
Didn’t I just go last year?
I was gonna go but ended up in #straightdope instead. 
Im’ allergic to the gym.
Aww man, this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while 
I did go.
Two nights ago I had Judo.
Yesterday I had combat jujitsu.
Today I just did cardio for an hour.
Tomorrow I’ll have combat jujitsu and kickboxing.
The day after I’ll have combat jujitsu.
The day after I’ll have Arnis (stick and knife fighting).
By the day after, I still won’t have a life, but I’ll be the most dangerous guy on the board.
This is the only one I don’t get.