Look. You're not helping, okay honey!

The BBQ Pit
#21

A word of advice. If you ever move, either make sure everything is out of your car, or don’t send boy friend at that time and his friend into town at midnight for Hardees.
You see, they got pulled over on the way into town going for salad for pregnant women. Honorable.
The friendly hick town officer shined his little light into the back seat and onto the floor boards and lo and behold found a big stick. (cut broom handle)
Now, this big stick was used to block the sliding glass door in our previous apartment and had rolled around on the floor of the car for a day or two forgotten.
Officer Friendly wouldn’t let it drop and harrassed the hell out of the guys not believing them.

Back to the OP…

Now, I have been known to be that woman sitting in the passenger seat starting trouble.
Case in point my birthday.
We went to pick up a friend, and on the way out of his mobile home park there was a car full of teenage or so guys talking to a girl leaning into their car.
So, Kricket in all her buzzing glory yells out the window “Fuck her on your own time and get the hell out of our way”
Hubby hates it when I drink.

#22

I prefer a bat. Buy some batting gloves and keep them in the trunk too, on the off=chance your car is ever searched.

#23

Back in high school, I was on my way to work when I got cut off by someone driving a brand new Cadillac. (I was driving a big steel old-school Buick- NO FEAR! ;)) This happened as I was entering an on-ramp. Well, I honked at the lady, just to let her know that I sincerely appreciated being cut off like that.

Big mistake. This lady went BALLISTIC!!! She would accelerate as if there was no problem, then jam on her brakes. She did this several times while we were still on the on-ramp. Driving my beastly old car, I didn’t quite have the braking power she did, so there were some near-rear-end-collision misses.

After playing this game a few times, she got up to speed, and I figured that the game was over, everyone was sufficiently pissed off, and we could just go our own ways.

Wrong again. At the very end of the on-ramp, with no highway traffic in sight, she does the old “jam-on-the-brakes” again. This time, however, I was moving too fast to stop in time, so I swerved around her and hopped onto the highway, pulling directly into the fast lane, doing about 70mph.

It’s far from over. Cadillac-girl comes flying up the highway, jerks into the fast lane about 10 feet in front of me ,and crams on the brakes again! So I swerve over to the middle lane.

Now, she comes tearing up the highway on my left and does the same thing again. So, again, I swerve to the right, and I am now in the first lane.

Our hero has done run out of lanes. The piece of highway I was driving at this point decided to dispense with its breakdown lane, having no use for it. I am now traveling at about 60mph wth nothing on my right bank a steep downhill embankment.

Caddy pulls up along-side me and slowly starts to pull into my lane! This bitch is actually trying to drive me off the highway and down a sharp hill!

Well, here’s the kicker. It was me or her at this point. So I got to do something that I never in a million years thought I’d get the chance to do. I jerked the wheel left, and popped her one, broadside-style. Steel met fiberglass, fiberglass shredded off and flaked away into the distance in my rearview mirror.

Caddillac-lady looked pretty surprised as veins popped from her head, and her expensive car’s right side went it’s own way. She dropped back, then came flying past, and got off at the next exit.

As soon as I got to work, I called the State Police and told them the same story I told here. I gave them her license plate number. The trooper said that she sounded nuts, if my story were true. I told him that I just wanted to make sure that she didn’t call saying that I hit her and ran.

Apparently, she didn’t have the gall to even pretend that she was innocent. She never filed a report or anything.

I don’t honk much anymore.

My Buick had a tiny dent on the left driver door where it had shredded some Cadillac.

I loved that car.

-j

#24

Yeah, I had to warn my buddy about his GF. She was this very narcisisstic blonde, who constantly commented about other people. Loudly. While they were in the room. Anyway, we were going out, and I had borrowed my dad’s car, mine being on jack stands with the oil pan missing in the driveway (long story). I was meeting my friend on a local turnpike. He knew I would be driving a different car, his GF didn’t.

I tailed him real close for a mile or two, flashing my brights, just kidding around, and his GF starts to flip me off and yell fairly nasty things to me. Apparently, my friend couldn’t stop her. If that wasn’t bad enough, as we pull up to a stop light, and I pull alongside to say hi, she throws a full soda can at the side of my car, er, my dad’s car! Dents the thing, and then looks at who’s driving. :eek:

She showed no remorse, even commenting that I was a jerk, never mind that my friend had been telling her it was me. She didn’t believe him because I was in a different car. I let my friend know that night how stupid and dangerous she was being, and to keep the windows rolled up when she was riding with him. :rolleyes:

#25

Since we’re telling almost-related stories - I have an ex-boyfriend who thought it was appropriate to grab the steering wheel while I was driving if he thought it was necessary. The first time he did this, I nearly kicked him out of the car. I was absolutely speechless that anyone would think this was an okay thing to do to a driver.

We had a looong discussion about this, but he would not concede that he should keep his paws off the steering wheel while I was driving. His argument was that he might have to help me out of a tight spot; my argument was that if he touched the steering wheel while I was driving again, I would start breaking fingers. If I’m in the middle of a crisis situation, I need to be doing three or four things at once, at extremely high speeds; I don’t need to be worrying that I’m going to have to compensate for having the wheel jerked out of my hands.

We’re not dating anymore. He’s lucky the relationship survived his first grab at my steering wheel.

#26

I never got to use it, but it woulda scared someone mighty fierce… I go out for haloween every year (I am 22 and go out with my cousins and younger brother it’s a tradition) and have a tendency not to clean stuff out of my car for a while. So for about two months, I had a nice scary looking sword sitting in my back seat, will probably be sitting there once renaissance festival comes back and I start dressing up for the first time… could you imagine the look on someones face when they come at you holding their weapon maybe a bat and you pull out a sword? I think they’d be running back to their car.

#27

I was thinking that you could hold it out a window as you drive by and leave a souveneir slash in their door.

“Seriously officer, some maniac slashed my car with a sword while I was driving! NO, I AM NOT ON DRUGS.”