At the risk of sounding like a typical biased parent, my wife and I strongly believe that our 26 month old daughter is pretty advanced for her age. While I am not talking about a child prodigy or anything she is clearly ahead of most children that are a year or more older than her (3-4 years) and the developmental charts we have consulted place her at the 36-48 month range.
At just 26 months she is currently:
Able to complete solo and is almost obsessed with 50+ piece jigsaw puzzles (she is a big Mini Mouse fan).
Counts to 20 no problem, knows her ABC’s, colors and shapes up to Octagon.
Can write her name (from memory) and IDs all letters. We are working on full words now.
Has full blown almost adult like conversations. Almost always talks in complete and complex sentences that keep amazing us. It is clear to mom and I that she gets frustrated that her mouths inability to convey what her mind is relaying.
Anyway my point here is not to brag (failed I know) but a question from other parents about how I should best nurture her development. I do not want to be an overbearing parent but at the same time want to challenge her to stay ahead of her peer group.
We have raised 3 other children to college and adulthood but were younger and probably (definitely) not as proactive as we could have been.
Kids like this are a blast, aren’t they? Just keep doing what you’re doing. Find fun, challenging activities just a wee bit beyond what she can fully accomplish on her own, and do them with her. As she masters it, find something new that’s just a wee skosh beyond her. It’s the same you should do with any kid. (There’s a fancy child development name for it called teaching to the “zone of proximal development,” but you don’t need to know that to do it.)
Be aware that some age limits on toys, puzzles, etc. are there for marketing, because that’s the age group that tends to be interested, and it helps Grandma pick out a toy to have a “Ages 6 and up!” blazon on the box. So those you can pretty much ignore and if she finds it fascinating, it doesn’t make sense to delay it.
But other age limits are based on safety concerns, especially the “Not for Children Under 3” one. That’s based on choking risk, as a 3 year old windpipe is still pretty small, and what an older child might put in her mouth and accidentally swallow (like an eraser or a marker cap), an under 3 can put in her mouth and choke on. That’s an anatomy difference, and it’s important, no matter what her intellectual ability is. So avoid toys with that label until she’s a little older, or watch her like a hawk as you play with them together under very close supervision.
Also, and this isn’t meant to be parade raining, but do be aware that sometimes some little ones are just faster when they’re very small, but they don’t continue to outpace their peers in the long run. They’re mental sprinters, but then the mental marathoners catch up. So manage your expectations, and don’t be disappointed if she ends up being “only” average by third grade. You’ll still have a ton of fun with her and enjoy watching her learn about the world!
Obviously her fine motor skills are up to scratch if she is completing jig saw puzzles. How are her gross motor skills? Is she advanced in other areas, like potty training and self-soothing/sleeping?
I had a cousin like this (actually my first cousin’s son). I took care of him for a weekend, and was amazed at his ability with puzzles. He was about 2yo at the time. He was so far beyond anything my contemporary in age nephews were doing. I think he has averaged out a bit, though.
I only wanted to say that I would avoid doing things with the purpose of keeping her ahead of her peer group. That puts unwarranted strain on you (and her) and could gradually and unintentionally become the primary focus.
Praise her for her efforts, not just for her results. This is good advice for all kids, but it takes on special importance when everything comes easily to a child. A huge danger for really smart children is that they become accustomed to succeeding with little to no effort. Then they fall apart with shock and self-doubt when they can’t accomplish a task with ease.
Be sure she understands that, while being intelligent is wonderful and it’s fine to feel good about herself because of her abilities, this is not the only dimension of her character that you care about. We have worked hard to communicate to our son that you don’t have to be gifted to be compassionate, and kindness is one of the most important virtues anyone can possess. Our son is a bit sick of hearing “It’s nice to be smart, but it’s smart to be nice” over the years - but he’s digested the message.
Be prepared for the insidious effects of other people’s commentary. I could tell dozens of stories about near-strangers declaring loudly to our son, “Wow! You are so SMART!” This may sound lovely, but it isn’t. It distorts a child’s world view and can ultimately make them anxious/unable to cope (see #1).
Keep her true emotional age in mind, not just her intellectual age. Sometimes really smart kids have the same problem that physically large kids do: because they appear older than they really are, the adults around them have unrealistic expectations about their behavior and maturity.
Note: if it’s fun it’s likely right at the perfect challenge zone. Just think about it for yourself – what’s fun? Things that are too hard are not fun; they are frustrating, Things that are too easy are not fun; they are boring. Just right is fun and conversely that which is fun is usually just right. So number one – have fun with your kid. Play in ways that she enjoys and odds are you are optimizing her wherever she is at.
Yup.
And the rest of that post. Wonderfully well said. Praise her for her failures too. And be aware that bright kids can think of things that they emotionally are not ready for. And are often uneven.
Personally I’d also be not looking to have her stay ahead of her peer group … I’d be looking to help her be the happiest child she can be who can grow into the best her she can be. The two are not the same goals.
Bright kids can also fake maturity well, if they feel like it’s expected: it’s easy to mimic back the language of what a more mature person would say without really understanding, let alone believing, it.
I think this is particularly great. I highly recommend reading the chapter on praise in Nurtureshock. It describes my life, basically. I was a gifted kid praised for *being *smart, which led to me never trying anything challenging, because it was such a huge threat to my self-image to fail at anything. I still struggle with doing anything hard or frustrating. Praise actions the kid has control of, not character features.
I’ll reiterate what **WhyNot **said - they don’t test children for gifted services till grade 3 because the super-advanced can even out with their peers before that time. Still, she sounds pretty damn amazing - I doubt she’ll be in the bottom half of the class at any time in her life!
I also agree about expecting more maturity than is reasonable. It’s very, very easy to do when your child is so articulate!
I can’t say for sure, but my gut feeling is gifted kids tend to be spirited as well, and I found Raising Your Spirited Child invaluable in raising my spirited, gifted child(ren).
Don’t forget the stuff she’s not good at. It’s very easy to be tempted to focus entirely on the areas she’s naturally good at, to the exclusion of the ones where she’s average or even behind - just because the things she’s good at are so much more *fun *for everyone. If she’s got a knack for words, it’s so much more fun to teach her another few than to think ‘Hey, she can’t kick a ball as well as most kids her age, maybe we should go out in the garden and play around with a ball for a while.’
It sounds like she’s way ahead on verbal stuff and probably on spatial as well. That implies that even if she doesn’t get huge amounts of stimulation in those areas, she’ll keep learning as fast as she can go. What are the areas where she might actually need the extra stimulation and attention? Gross motor skills? Hand-eye coordination? Social skills? Dealing with frustration?
Smart kids do tend to get a bit out of synch - they’ll shoot ahead in one or two areas and fall behind in others, then have to balance things out. It’d be great not to let her get too out of synch.
So glad I posted this… the suggestion to make sure and equally praise for the attempt in an effort to ensure she understands that not everything will come easy is something that I had not considered and will be certain to do!
