Looking for suggestions for getting a 7 year old to go to sleep.

In My Humble Opinion
1

My son is 7 and and can’t seem to turn himself “off” at night to go to sleep. He has always been that way.

He was small (one and a half pounds!) and sickly when he was born. When he was six, he was diagnosed with Aspergers’ type autism, but is in otherwise excellent health. He gets therapy for speech and social skills, and is going for a occupational therapy evaluation soon to check on a suspected fine motor delay. He is devopmentally on target, school-wise. He is not hyperactive, ADD, ADHD or any of those dx’s, but he can be intense about things.

He was too sick to nurse, so I pumped and bottled for over a year. As an infant, when I bottled him, he would begin to nod off, but then his arm or foot might slip and touch me or the chair and he would bolt upright again, wide awake. We called him a “chest monkey” because rocking him was the only sure way to get him to sleep and he ususally woke up when you set him down.

As a toddler, he would scoot up and down the bed on his head until he finally just keeled over into sleep. I timed him then, and if he was able to hold still for about 5 seconds, he would fall asleep. We called him “a wiggle in a baby suit”.

Now, at 7, he talks and hums and wiggles and waves his arms and whispers and kicks until sleep overtakes him. I timed him recently and if he can hold still for about 20 seconds, he will fall asleep. It is so strange that the boy who wouldn’t walk or talk is now the kid who won’t be quiet and hold still (at bedtime, specifically).

He never napped or napped well, depending on the age.

I keep him on a pretty regular schedule. I put him to bed between 8:30 and 9:00 every night and wake him at 7:00 every day, except on weekends when I let him sleep in until he wakes at 7, 8, or 9. Typically, he goes to bed and lies there in a darkened or semi darkened room until 10:00 or 10:30. He takes a very long time to unwind and is frequently hard to wake up in the morning. I’m worried that he doesn’t get enough sleep and why it takes him so long to fall asleep.

Things I’ve tried:
night lights or no night lights (no difference)
earlier bedtimes (no change- stays awake too long)
later bedimes (no change- stays awake too long)
movies (disaster- he just stays up till it is over then stays awake too long)
tv (not helpful at all, see above)
books on CD (same)
music on CD (no change)
nature sounds on CD (no help)
having him count silently (no help)

Things I haven’t tried:
medications (but there has been an occasion where I was tempted! :o )
duct tape :eek:

I suppose there is no real harm in his wiggling, etc., for and hour or two every night, and his pedi didn’t seemed very concerned, but I’d like to find a way to help him help himself get to sleep every night. It seems like that would be of benefit to him.

2

I’m 24 and I have the same problem your son does. I used to spend hours lying in bed at night, moving around, playing with my stuffed animals, and making up stories in my head. Now I just lie awake and think about stuff. Sometimes I solve equations or do multiplication. It depends on my mood.

Anyway, I’ve never found a solution to this (exercising a lot during the day to try to get tired doesn’t help), but fortunately it never seems have troubled my life much. By the way, I have Asperger’s too, but that could be a coincidence. I’ve never heard of sleeping problems being associated with that disorder.

3

Well, I was a fairly active (to say the least) child myself, and to this day my mother swears by Benadryl for getting kids to calm down when it’s really critical that they do so. I wouldn’t recommend it on a regular basis (actually, I wouldn’t recommend at all because I’m not an MD or RN), but it’s worth asking your doc about.

FWIW, our vet also recommended the same - that we give a single Benadryl tablet per dog for long car trips, and it works wonderfully. I’m sure if it doesn’t hurt a 30 # animal, the dangers are far less minimal for a your 7 year old.

But again, IAMostDefinitelyNADoctor. But I know it didn’t cause any problems for me or my siblings, and I have lots of friends who use it to that end as well, on their docs’ advice.

4

When I suffer from imsomnia, one thing I’d do is tense all my muscles. Then, breathing slowly and deliberately, I’d relax my muscles one by one. So I’d lie there and say, “I’m relaxing my toes, I’m relaxing my calves, etc.” I know he likes to wiggle, but if he concentrates maybe he can do it. In part the breathing helps, I think.

StG

5

StGermain, I have used that technique myself a very long time ago. I forgot about that so thanks for the reminder. Maybe I could try to teach that to him.

Also, for a while I used a self hypnosis technique that I learned from a guest lecturer at school that was pretty effective for me (it involved walking down a flight of stairs). That technique seemed to work because of the focused concentration (at least for me). Maybe I should look into a hypnosis tape or CD. Since he memorizes everything, maybe he could use it (if needed). Hmm.

Quarkchild, I wonder if it is dx related. I haven’t really heard any other parents of Asperger’s or autism kids with the same complaint, but then I don’t know many and haven’t asked. I was wondering if because of the intensity (I don’t know how to describe it better) that he has, if that intensity doesn’t allow him to “shut down” efficiently for sleep. I was also thinking of sensory issues- like if he hears everything, say, or feels everything, if that keeps him awake or something.

I just peeked in on him and he’s still moving and making noise after about an hour and a half. That just seems like such a long time to unwind and drift off.

6

I think this will work or I wouldn’t be responding, I have seen these both in action.

Although you have tried the later bedtime, you could keep him up for an entire day and whatever happens do not let him sleep until the next night at the bedtime that you want him asleep.
Get him up at 5 or 6 in the morning of the day that you want to do it and keep him awake until 8pm the next night, of course you need to stay awake as well.
It sounds stupid but it worked in my family.

The other thing if that seems to extreme, is to make him become very cold by giving him cold drinks and making his room cold then offer him a nice warm bed, he will want to stay in bed and eventually he will fall asleep.

7

Absolutely do not do what Start suggests. I suspect you’d just end up with a very distressed child – I cannot see why this would reset an ASD child’s sleeping pattern.

Making a child with sensory issues cold on purpose is pretty damned mean too.

Sleep issues in kids with ASD are pretty common. Most of the parents I know with kids on the spectrum deal with sleep problems. Do you think he needs 10 hours sleep? My guys, as much as I wish they did, do not. I can knock myself out doing routines until I am blue in the face but they are never gonna work. If you let him go by his own body clock, what happens?

In the past I’ve tried meditation tapes and reading meditations to him with mixed results.

We use meds with our 11 yo – they’re not primarily for sleep but they do have the side effect of helping him sleep. Even without meds, he’s sleeping more than he did when he was 7.

We did a trial of clonidine with K our 7 yo. He actually went to sleep and stayed asleep until morning. It was like a miracle. Then he started to have anxiety attacks which is a very rare side effect of clonidine. Clonidine is a drug which has been around for a long time and is supposed to be really safe. Maybe your paed might have an opinion on it?

And some nights I am all about the duct tape :wink:

8

Oh well I’m not trying to make any 7 year olds stressed out, I just know that keeping my step-brother up for a long time really did help him fall asleep all the other nights and that when I’m really cold I stay in bed longer and fall asleep faster.

9

I didn’t see that you had tried reading to him (Note: not books on CD, actually sitting there and reading to him while he’s in bed). Read something really interesting and stop if he’s too fidgety; or conversely read something very soothing, maybe a little advanced for him. At any rate reading to him will not hurt him! (The Sleep Book by Dr. Seuss is good.)

Once you get tired you could leave the book for him to read.

The all-around best sleep-inducer for members of my family has been swimming. It even works for me, but I found it excellent for wearing out kids. Any time in the afternoon to evening, it seemed to help everybody get to sleep.

Oddly enough one of my kids would fall asleep happily with the lights on and still in his clothes. I learned to sneak in and turn the light off–although this was also the kid who woke up if you looked at him, from the hallway. Once he was PJ’d and had the lights out he’d stay awake (and restless) all night, or at any rate far into it. I would have thought he’d be more comfortable in PJs but apparently not.

10

I have dealt with my share of insomnia, a good dose or rigorous “fresh air” activity during the day usually helps me get to sleep at night. YMMV.

11

Teach him about Lucid Dreaming.

Then he’ll WANT to sleep, and will take the 20 seconds needed trying to sleep to relax, and stop fighting it for long enough to actually drop off.

Just my $0.02

12

Uncle Bluto’s Miracle Sleep Aid

13

Mine too! The sleeping in his clothes part, anyway. He’s also a bedtime lingerer - tossing and muttering and kicking at the upper bunk (storage). It will often take him an hour or hour and a half to settle in. If he’s in pajamas, it takes two or three or more hours. Once he’s asleep, that it - he’s out for the count and then some. But falling asleep in clothing with the lights on is so much easier for him! Weird. Once I got over the “should” ideas (Kids “should” wear pajamas to bed!) I realized it meant less laundry, so it’s sort of a win-win situation, really.

I pretty much figure if his body needed more sleep, he’d sleep more. But it doesn’t. So once he learned that “bedtime” means: “go into your room and stop bugging the parents and at least lay in bed and pretend to sleep”, we got along much better. I don’t nag him to “go to sleep,” because honestly, can you go to sleep if someone tells you to? I can’t. I do require that he stay in his room and out of our hair, however. I put a special light bulb in his room that shuts itself off after an hour. Sometimes, he’s still awake, and he’ll get up and flick the switch again, but by the second hour, he’s generally asleep, and I don’t have to wait up to turn out his light.

He’s 12. Bedtime is 9:00, he’s usually asleep by 10:30. Wakes up at 7:00, school day or weekend. Very rarely, he’s been known to sleep in on weekends until 8 or 8:30, and I let him. He’s been on this schedule since 8 or so. Before that, betime was 8:00, but he still didn’t sleep until 10 or 10:30.

14

Maybe he just enjoys the alone time. One of the highlights of my day as a kid was having some time to quietly play and get lost in my own imagination without the risk of anyone barging in. We forget that kids can want a bit of solitude, just like adults do, and we don’t really notice that they are often around someone all day long. Even as an older kid I’d set my alarm to an hour or two before the household woke up just to watch the sun rise and read and listen to music on my own before I was accountable to anyone.

15

I used to have a whole lot of trouble falling asleep. This method absolutely may have no relevance to a 7 year old kid, but what really helped me was taking a bath before bed, with a book.

I attribute the success of this method to a) the fact that heat makes me sleepy, and my abths are hot and b) I got into a routine. My body didn’t relate ‘bed’ to ‘sleep’, but it does relate ‘bath’ to ‘sleep’.

16

I can fall asleep fully clothed and with a light on easier and faster than the “normal” way, too.

17

Gin

18

My parents had to teach me how to go to sleep. Even now (I’m 23) its not my most honed skill.

I do the relaxing every muscle individually, starting with my face and working down, starting over again if I tense up. It focuses my thoughts and sort of pushes me into unconsciousness.

I think my sister has given up on sleeping like a normal human being - when she was little we gave up on “bedtime” and had “in your room and quiet” time. She’s a very active, creative person who doesn’t get (or evidentally need) much sleep.

At some point, the kid is just going to have to figure things out on his own. Teach him some basic meditation techniques, make sure he’s not laying in bed worrying himself to death, and keep the consistant schedule. Beyond that, he may just take extra time to wind down (I do) or not need asmuch sleep as you.

19

With my son, I tried an electric blanket, and it worked really well. I turned it on before bedtime so the bed would be warm when he got in. He really liked it.

20

It seems to me that falling asleep isn’t really the problem–it’s being still enough to allow himself to fall asleep. If that’s really the problem (him being still), then perhaps a game would help. During the day, develop a “freeze” game, where you both must suddenly freeze in motion. Start out for short periods of time (five seconds), then gradually build it up to 20 or 30 seconds. Whoever moves loses, and whoever can freeze for the required time wins. When he has the rules down, gradually move the game towards bedtime. If you’ve built up a 30 second “freeze” during the afternoon, in the middle of chores or whatever, then a 30 second “freeze” at night should be fairly easy. I’d recommend this over a period of time (say a couple of weeks maybe), depending on how long it takes him to catch on and it to become a challenge. It’ll probably help a lot if Mom loses a bit. :slight_smile:

With all my kids (who, I must admit, do not have Asperger’s), we played a similar game, “The Quiet Game”. We developed it in the car (when everyone was getting antsy and I could see a fight coming on, for example). The first one to talk, lost. The one who held out the longest won. It worked when the HallGirls shared a room (at about ages 2-8 years).