Loopy Limericks

As the porn actress slipped off her dress
One assett was bound to impress
The other, not so much

As the porn actress slipped off her dress
One assett was bound to impress
The other, not so much
It was cold to the touch

As the porn actress slipped off her dress
One assett was bound to impress
The other, not so much
It was cold to the touch
Why her films sell is anyone’s guess.

I want to become a rock star

I want to become a rock star
But my mom just smashed up my guitar

I want to become a rock star
But my mom just smashed up my guitar
Weasels ripped my drum set

I want to become a rock star
But my mom just smashed up my guitar
Weasels ripped my drum set
And my demo cassette

I want to become a rock star
But my mom just smashed up my guitar
Weasels ripped my drum set
And my demo cassette
A bad start but I’m sure to go far

Stop me if you’ve heard this before

Stop me if you’ve heard this before
A trivial piece of forgotten lore

Stop me if you’ve heard this before
A trivial piece of forgotten lore
If you wish on a star

Stop me if you’ve heard this before
A trivial piece of forgotten lore
If you wish on a star
For a boat or a car

Stop me if you’ve heard this before
A trivial piece of forgotten lore
If you wish on a star
For a boat or a car
what you’ll get is a map to the store

My boyfriend likes to braid his nose hair

My boyfriend likes to braid his nose hair
And his pubes… but let’s not go there

My boyfriend likes to braid his nose hair
And his pubes… but let’s not go there
But that hair on his back–

My boyfriend likes to braid his nose hair
And his pubes… but let’s not go there
But that hair on his back
Grows out of his crack

My boyfriend likes to braid his nose hair
And his pubes… but let’s not go there
But that hair on his back
Grows out of his crack
So I gave him a gallon can of Nair


In 1969 I wandered down to Woodstock

[Way too many syllables!!]

In 1969 I wandered down to Woodstock
I wanted to hear folk music and also some rock

In 1969 I wandered down to Woodstock
I wanted to hear folk music and also some rock
I felt awf’ly placid

In 1969 I wandered down to Woodstock
I wanted to hear folk music and also some rock
I felt awf’ly placid
After I dropped some acid


[Sorry: I tend to read numbers as one syllable and not as separate ones, bad habit…]

In 1969 I wandered down to Woodstock
I wanted to hear folk music and also some rock
I felt awf’ly placid
After I dropped some acid
and talked to a 30 foot cock

Fred’s quite well endowed so they say

Fred’s quite well endowed so they say
Like a rhino’s - all wrinkled and grey