Where is my mind today? I read the title three times over, and still thought it started with advice to "Lose the goatse. . . " and I thought the “tubby” was a reference to, oh nevermind.
My high school math teacher did not have a mere comb over. He had a comb up, around, and over. The part started in two inches from the bottom of his hairline in the back. The hair went up around the left side of his head, swirled around the front to make bangs, then worked its way back to the top center in a sort of swirl to cover the remaining bald portion.
He fooled no one. I still marvel that he was able to keep it all in place. He could give Donald Trump lessons.
Advice to women young and old: Put away your bra straps.
(if men have bra straps that’s a horse of a different color)
Well, the male “look” here seems to be: Bermuda shorts, muscle shirt, barbed wire tattoo on one bicep, shell or wooden-piece necklace, pierced ear, sandals, cigarette held just right, and sunglasses on top of head.
I’ve seriously seen two guys in their mid-thirties looking like this in the last week. This has “single male wanting to appear cool to younger chicks” written all over it. You look like a fucking dork, OK?
Lose the tattoo.
Quit smoking, or at least stop with the Humphrey Bogart impersonation with every puff.
Get some normal shorts.
Get a shirt that you can wear in public without giving us your impressive muscle flexing.
Lose the necklace, Alice.
Lose the earing, Blackbeard.
If you can’t see without sunglasses then put them over your eyes. If fact don’t do that either, Bono.
Ah, the Bloatee![sup]TM[/sup] The tonsorial technique for guys with no definable jawline. Nothing turns women into pink puddles of jelly faster than that scrawled-on-with-rubber-cement-then-patted-down-with-barbershop-floor-leavin’s look. not :rolleyes: :dubious:
Would you mind terribly just standing beside my refrigerator on a regular basis, so you can remind me of this if I ever look confused? I’ll pay you handsomely in fashion tips.
Bobo, I think the key is to learn how to sing like Tim McGraw. Or Kenny Chesney. Because then when you remove your hat indoors (like you damn well should) and we see that you’ve buzzed it because you’re balding (and hence why you always wear your damn hat) we’re too preoccupied with your singing (or to be fair, your biceps) to really give a hoot about what’s on your head or not.
teela brown/Kryssttl: People who complain about your butt crack/thong dilemma are just jealous hatrz. They probably wish they could achieve that muffin-top look you flaunt so effortlessly. Pay them no mind.
Kythereia: Skirts should form a puddle no higher than 1/4 of an inch above your ankles shortly after meeting me.
featherlou/Mrs. Kent: There are two possible answers to your dilemma. First, your husband really is Superman, in which case it doesn’t matter what he wears around the house, because he’s freakin’ Superman, and you should quit your whining. Second, your husband is a massive nerd, in which case he should never be allowed out of the house. Frankly, you have my respect no matter which scenario is true, because I can’t imagine being married to either Superman OR a massive nerd.
Can you please explain to my husband that facial hair has to be trimmed more than once per decade? Because otherwise I’m going to have a go at that nasty, four-inch long grey goatee while he’s sleeping, and I’m afraid the butcher knife will slip.
Don’t forget, this includes eyebrows too. Gah, my old man’s got some that look like the frayed ends of a cable that snapped. Professorial, yes, but distracting nevertheless. Sometimes when we can’t find the pot scrubber we just rub our plates on his face.
Bravo Hal! This is the second time the fingernail thing has come up recently. I once received an e-mail from an ex in the form of a long erotic reminiscence/fantasy. Along with my other charms, he waxed poetic about my long, well manicured (but not talon-esque) fingernails.
So at least some men do notice them, and quite positively.
Though that is not the reason why I wore them long and polished. Like virtually everything else about my dress and appearance, I did it because I liked the way they looked. Unfortunately, these days, because of work and hobbies, they are no longer long, but they are always polished.
Total hijack - saw a guy the other day that was applying for a CCW, and he had his official “I’m carrying a gun” vest on. That’s sure to impress the Sheriff - “Look sir, I gots me the getup already on. Ima gonna wear it for the next 3 months until the permit comes through, then probably never carry a gun 'cause they’re all heavy and mess up my thin, shiny belt”
Next to them are the ones with the large belly packs who are no doubt thinking how clever they are that anyone would possibly expect them to be concealing a firearm. Oh, except for the lack of a manufacturer’s label and the fact that it hangs like you’re carrying a brick. Then there is the shoulder holster crowd; you know, the ones who are obsessive Miami Vice fans and think they can tuck a Desert Eagle into a harness under an oversized jacket and be invisible, even though it take them ten seconds to actually draw their weapon. Real discreet, guys.
I guess this is supposed to be a joke thread or whatever, but the biggest fashion mistakes I see on a daily basis are:
Guys wearing shirts that are too large. You should strive to wear a shirt that’s as form-fitting as possible without being tight, regardless of your size. It blows my mind how many guys wear shirts that are a size or even two too large.
No pleated pants, under any circumstances, ever.
No polo shirts as part of office wear - ever. You look like a used car salesman.
