If you removed all the polo shirts from the guys in my office, we’d have a lot of shirtless guys. And trust me, that isn’t necessarily an improvement.
Dear Fashion Guy
Could you please send a memo to all those plus sized women (you know who they are) and tell them not to believe that the clothes on the size 3 model in their catalog will look the same on them?
And while you’re at it, would you please send a memo to the producers of those catalogs to start hiring some plus sized models, for frick sake?
Sincerely
a BBW who knows how to dress
Dear fashion advisor:
My wife says I should not where my black manties except for night time occasions. I really don’t think the colors matter but the style is the determining factor. I wear the regular briefs for most everyday occasions, I only wear my hi-cuts when I wear shorts and I never wear the the ones with bows under jeans, only slacks. I also only wear my days of the week manties on the proper days. I just wish I hadn’t worn my Friday pair to Mexican buffet restaurant a few months ago, who knew the beans were going to pack that much of a punch. Plus I did not know that my flatulence deodorizer was going to be that ineffective against skid marks.
Dear Sauron;
What’s your position on mens short sleeve button down shirts; with or without tie?
I maintain: tacky, either way.
What say you?
Men have goatees because it hurts to shave that area. A goatee is much more than a signal that one has bad style choices around their bloated face and multiplex chin-a-rama, it means they’re a pansy ass who can’t shave where it hurts.
You know what I need more of? Well, besides a way to formulate a sentence that doesn’t end in a preposition, I need more men wearing tired Polo-style shirts with those tired-ass collars that curl up. Folks, when your collars are curling up and pointing skyward, it’s time for a Polo brand shirt made with real fabric, or a freakin’ pass on the ironing board.
We could use more men who wear size 34" waist pants underneath their 48" waist. Never see enough of that.
Coming from a guy who ranks sheep above human women, that’s not saying much.
Victoria Beckham, put on sensible shoes, now. Also, you need to gain 22 pounds, and quickly. The grapefruit-shaped breast implants on a zero-body-fat body are simply disturbing.
*I know you’re not really Victoria Beckham. Still, the advice is valid for Victoria Beckham, should she be reading the SDMB.
Dear Fashion Guy:
As a fat chick, I am trying look nice in the summer during my office job, yet still dress in a seasonally appropriate fashion.
What moron decided to make every single one of the nice summer dresses for fat chicks I bought sleeveless? Fat chicks, in general, don’t wear sleeveless at the office. Short sleeves, yes, but not sleeveless entirely. Mr. Fashion Guy, can you kill these dressmakers for me?
Lisa Ann: Yes, you are a bad, naughty, evil little girl. Report to my office for a spanking.
scout1222: You know me all too well. In all honesty, though, I’m not Superman. Parts of me are pretty good, but I dunno that I’d say super.
VCO3: I don’t joke about personal makeover advice, son. It’s a very serious subject with me. My uncle was killed by a personal makeover advice columnist.
anyrose: Shyeah, right. YOU try telling a woman clothes are too small for her. I’m stupid, but not THAT stupid.
tdn/Bippy: You look remarkably like the caretaker Grady, from The Shining. So you’re just a manifestation of an evil hotel, and don’t have to look that good anyway. Relax.
racer72: You’re not looking for advice. You’re just bragging. And you’re weirding me out a little bit.
krisolov: Short-sleeve, button-down shirts (blue) were appropriate attire when I was a tour guide at DeSoto Caverns in 1983, because that’s what we were required to wear. If you know someone who’s not a tour guide at DeSoto Caverns, and it’s not 1983, and they’re still wearing those shirts … frankly, I think they’re beyond help.
Savannah: I saw a couple of your films before your untimely demise, and trust me, you’re not fat. The good Lord blessed you abundantly, girl. Short-sleeved, sleeveless, backless … you can rock any style. However, if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll maim a couple of the dressmakers you mention. Will that work?
I think “Pretentious Douche” is a better descriptor than “King Dork” for this one.
Oh, he’s a massive nerd all right. But he’s MY massive nerd. 
I’ll have to post a link to his home movie he’s making, “A Week In My Life,” in which at one point he has a light sabre duel with himself in the dark. It’s quite spectacular, really.
Hey, if you have an in with the fashion idiots, do you think you can get them to start making normal pants for women again? I mean pants that actually cover your bum should you want to do something outrageous like sit down in them. And while you’re at it, get them to stop making everything for women three sizes too small so everything fits tight. Some of us just don’t like clingy, tight clothes that make you look like you’re wearing outfits you took off your dolls. And stop with the bunny-killer shoes already. How many people have to break their backs before we realize that stilettos are just plain wrong?
Dude. I am partway there. I will never do a comb-over. The next haircut I get will be basic training or shorter. In the meantime, however, I plan to grow it to the point that I can make a ponytail. My last haircut was somewhat basic training, and 12 months without a cut seems not to be sufficient to make a ponytail.
I already lost the goatee, because it is about 50% white.
Carry on.
Ah, now see, you’ve committed the classic error. Clearly what you are describing is not a goatee , but a Van Dyke . If you take a Van Dyke and subtract only the goatee, you are left with a Porn Star. If you then add Mutton Chops, you get a Franz Joseph
I at least was smart enough to take the hint, and I think I did much better afterward: A friend was giving me a ride home from college. We stopped for something to eat and I went to the bathroom. While I was in there I put some perfume on. When I sat back down at the table he asked, “What did you put on?” I said, “It’s Elusive”, and he responded, “No, it isn’t.”
Of course now I’ve just gotten lazy and old and don’t wear any smelly stuff anymore.
You are a kind and patient woman. Or amazingly desperate. I can’t decide which.
As God is my witness, I will never understand clothes sizes for women. For that matter, I will never understand why women don’t try clothes on in the store before buying them. Y’all already KNOW that “size 6” can mean anything from “microscopic” to “Ringling Brothers show area”. And yet the same sad tableau is repeated at my house on a regular basis, wherein my wife gets angry because something she bought doesn’t fit right. When I point out she could’ve tried it on in the store, she gets really snippy and starts saying things like “The day I take clothes-buying advice from a white-belt-wearing Neanderthal is the day I put an icepick in your brainpan.” So I usually shut up at that point.
Sauron, you have a call from Dr. Phil on line 3. He wants you and the Mrs. to appear on his show. Apparently the theme is " Tolerance And The Healthy Marriage".
Should I tell him you’re in a meeting? 
Depends. Can I throw a chair while I’m on the show?
Nope, that’s Geraldo. On Dr. Phil, you just have to sit there and weep quietly while he berates you with simplistic aphorisms.
You’d have a field day with the co-worker I described in this thread:
VCNJ~