Losing another one.

Just 11 months after losing our Mom to lung cancer we found out my sister is dying of the same thing. (Non small cell cancer)
She is only 46, has a 15 yr old son, two grown daughthers, 3 grand children and one more on the way. (She started young at 15)

Her left lung is 50% blocked, liver is 70% involved and it is in her bones and spine.

Please, please pray for her, her name is Pam.

She lives in Virginia, I am trying to arrange a way there to see her now. The doctors are saying they want her to start hospice care. Hospice doesn’t take people until they are given 6 months or less.

She is so afraid, she came down here to help with Mom last year and didn’t seem sick, in fact she was a ball of fast moving fire. Yet they are saying from the way this has spread it looks like she has had it for 4 years. She told me on the phone she just can’t go through what our Mom did.

I am losing my mind, this is too much, too soon.

Ayesha - I’m so verry sorry. If there’s anything I can do to help - or if you just want to talk…I’m here.

What is the obstacle to you getting to see her?

Well there are several. Figuring out where to stay.

Finding the assets, hubby has just started a new job after being laid off for several months. Though several family memebers are offering to help I am loath to ask them. I will but I hate it.

Waiting to see which hospital in what city she is to be moved to and when. Which leads us back to figuring out where to stay.

They want to help. Take them up on it. You know that you would want help that you offered to be accepted; give them that same pleasure of helping you.

Good thoughts are headed your way.

I am so sorry to hear your news. You have all the warm thoughts and good vibes that I can send your way.

What Khadaji said. There are probably just about everyone reading this thread, thinking, “What the heck to I say to something like this?” and just not posting, because we don’t know how to address your intense grief in any meaningful way.

I’m close to my mom, and I have three sisters (our youngest sister died at age four). I know I’m going to lose my mom in the next twenty years or so, and to lose a sister so close to that, I don’t know what I would do, either. When it gets really bad, I guess you just breathe in, and breathe out.

Ayesha, I just don’t know what to say. Your sister, you, and all the rest of your family will be in my thoughts.

Ayesha I’ll be keeping you, your sister and all your family in my thoughts and prayers. Here’s hoping your sister’s remaining time will be calm and peaceful.

I am so sorry you have to endure this again.

Life is a kick in the proverbial balls, ain’t it? By the time you just about stop wincing from the first round of groin kicks, here she comes again delivering another set. I’ve been there and it seems like an endless path of darkness and raining poo poo.

You’ve just re-entered the shitstorm again. Quietly I pass my umbrella of good thoughts to you to help deflect the kaka storm.
When you get to your sister you both need to take Hospice up on their conselling. It just may save your sanity and put your sister at peace and help your nephew.

Don’t worry about the money…really, in the grand scheme of life…money is not what makes us or defines us. It is how we act when the ring of fire surrounds us. The money problem will work itself out in the end somehow. Doing what is right is far more important in the long run.

Is there a husband in her life? What will happen to her son?

It is a tough, shitty road. You don’t have to walk it alone. Hospice is living proof to me that angels are present on this earth.

I am guessing she is a life long smoker?

I’m thinking of you and your family. Wish there was something I could do to help.

I’m so sorry. Please know you and your sister are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you all so much, your support, good thoughts and prayers mean more than I can tell you. I was able to speak with Pam tonight by phone.

She says she doesn’t feel sick, she is in a lot of pain in her back (there is a large tumor on her spine) and she is very, very horse ( her throat is involved too ).

I was able to tell her that she has more support than she can imagine.

Pam doesn’t have non small cell like Mom did, she has small cell.

This is very frightening.


To answer a couple of questions, Pam’s exhusband will care for her son.

Yes she smoked.

According to the dotors she has had this for some time now by how far it has spread.

She’s got my prayers and warm wishes, from the bottom of my heart. Hang in there, both of you. hugs

Having had my own experiences with cancer, I will simply pray that your sister keeps as much of her dignity as possible.

Hospice care can be a very good thing. I imagine different places vary but the hospice my aunt chose was a wonderful place. Her room was lovely, not like a hospital environment at all. The staff was warm and caring, and her pain was well managed. Until just before she died she was alert and not konked out by drugs. If Pam goes into hospice it can be a good decision.

I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother, and your sister’s illness. I’ll keep your sister’s name with a list of other Doper concerns I mention in prayer. And as I’ve said to others, take care of yourself too. Eat right and sleep well. Staying healthy yourself will make it easier to get through this.

I’m terribly sorry to hear about this tragedy striking your family once again. :frowning: My heart goes out to you and your family.
I looked up that Cancer.gov link you posted and I see it says, “Compared with other cell types of lung cancer, small cell carcinoma has a greater tendency to be widely disseminated by the time of diagnosis but is much more responsive to chemotherapy and irradiation. … All patients with this type of cancer may appropriately be considered for inclusion in clinical trials at the time of diagnosis.” Has your sister discussed such possibilities with her doctor yet? Since it sounds like your sister has not been through any sort of treatment yet, I don’t understand why the doctors would say to go to hospice first without trying something.
In any case, I certainly do pray for her and you to find consolation in this sad time.

** lavenderviolet ** I don’t know either. They are supposed to start some type of treatment tomorrow that will last for 3 days. Pam wasn’t real clear on just what it was, drugs ya know.

From what the doctor told her daughter the treatment is to shrink the tumors, especially the one on the spine that is causing so much pain. But they aren’t giving us hope for a cure, only to get her comfortable.

** Baker ** after the time we had with hospice with Mom Pam is NOT looking forward to working with them. But we know all groups aren’t the same and Pam says she will follow the docotor’s advice.

She had an accident several weeks ago and her back was hurting her really bad so she went to get an MRI for that this past weekend, luckily for her there was a doctor in the room when they did the test because she was crying from the pain of laying on the table. He spotted the spinal tumor and admitted her right away.
I have to give the hospital in Virginia that she is in credit, they have been all over this since that day !

If she hadn’t fallen and gone for that test who knows when she may have discovered the cancer.

To all of you, thank you again.

Ayesha, I’m sorry your mom’s hospice experience wasn’t the best. It’s too bad the one here isn’t like they all are. Maybe there’s more than one in your area?