Did Slothrop’s ejaculation
Guide the V-2’s orientation?
Each sex act he commits
Is a strike in the Blitz
…But correlation does not mean causation.
“Please, sir, will you draw me a sheep?”
“Sorry, son, I’ve appointments to keep.”
“Then let’s walk to the well
where the stars laugh like bells.”
Little Prince, how sweetly you sleep!
It was called Bonfires of the Vanities
It was praised in numerous punditries
They made it into a pic
Which made people sick
That it was filled with such mindless inanities
In homage of Dashiell Hammett
O’Shannesy, Gutman, Cario and Spade
searched for a bird for which money would be paid
But the bird was faux
and they got no dough
Still, it was a thing of which dreams are made
House Atreides took over dune
Harkonnen attacked them, but soon
Shai Ulud were all tamed
The Melenge was all claimed
Led by some dude named after a moon.
Man’s Empire was about to burst
Hari Seldon prepared for the worst
A Clairvoyant foundation
Would nurture a nation
Lasting longer, indeed, than the first
“This whole Wheel of Time thing’s a mess
When and how will it end? Care to guess?
In the next book, by chance
Think the plot will advance?”
She said as she straightened her dress
I wish this thread title didn’t begin with “LOTR”. There are several dopers who I thought would gravitate here, and who would have great fun with it, but who I’m not seeing. I wonder if while browsing titles they didn’t get past “LOTR Limerick Smackdown”.
Anyhoo… one more before lunch:
A handsome young fellow named Jay,
from the Midwest, out old Frisco way,
spent all of his money,
never did get his honey,
and was shot in his pool at mid-day.
Dr. Seuss wrote Mooney, Marvin K.
About a boy that wouldn’t go away.
The tale’s told too late
The world’s post-Watergate.
And the book’s about Nixon. Oy vey!
Ode to Scarlet
A character in a tome by Margaret Mitchell
Got married as if it were ritual
In a war that was civil
And not the least bit trivil
She continued on as a bitchel
Dave Bowman and Frank Poole, his pal
Flew Discovery to Saturn’s locale
Where the Monolith did lurk,
The AI went berserk
“Please open the pod bay doors, HAL”.
Yes, I said Saturn. This is the novel, not the movie.
Ender’s mind was unusually keen
And the games he endured were quite mean
Though his shadow loomed large
And he remained in charge
The saga’s true hero is Bean
An unhinged-in-time life I s’pose
Brought Billy Pilgrim highs and lows
Went to Tralfamador
Lived through Dresden and more
Foresaw his own death. So it goes.
Sam Clemens and Sir Richard Burton
On Riverworld found mankind’s souls hurtin’
Richard cut his own throat
And Sam built riverboat
To free mankind 'fore final curtain!
At Tabard, towards Canterbury
A pilgrim need not be too wary
There’s drinking and glories
And filthy, raw stories
And roast Chanticleer, so no worries!
A Confederate soldier named John
To Martian Barsoom once was drawn
He fought green and red warri’s
And wed Dejah Thoris
And then fixed machines for oxygen!
A bi-polar young Seymour Glass
At the beach, took one final pass
He bummed out some children
His own courage was buildin’
To pop a cap on his own ass!
There once was a traveller who’d seen a lot;
From one side of the 'verse to the other he’d fought
Then one day he decided
In the past there resided
The mom who he always felt was really hot.
A frustrated bank clerk called Possum
said of fixed rhyme and meter, “Let’s toss 'em!”
His marriage turned bad
and his best friend went mad,
but the Beats thought “The Wasteland” was awesome!
A lumbering loser named Loman
(much less of a salesman than showman)
had no title or lands,
yet our playwright demands
that attention be paid to the yeoman.
Scarlett always wanted to get
Ashley ensnared in her net
Yet when Melanie died
“I don’t want him” she cried
“I don’t give a damn” said Rhett.
Rosemary, I thnk you’ve been had.
Moved into a place that was bad.
When you had a baby
Did you realized that maybe
He’d be a devil of a lad.
There once was a gonzo reporter
who, on the advice of his lawyer,
said, “To hell with the race,
let’s smash up the place!”
like a drugged-up Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer.
Ok, you’ve had 4.5 hours to jump in, but since no one has, I’ll be a thread hog…
Some lads who escaped from the Gerries
were surviving on roast pork and berries
til Jack painted his face
and burned down the place.
“Fun and games?” the young officer queries.
First a tribe, and then slaves, then a nation.
Then the exile, and then restoration.
Then the Christ came (some say)
and will be back one day.
Perhaps he’ll explain Revelation.
Agammemnon affronted Achilles
Who sulked in his tent – the big silly!
Hector slaughtered his “friend”
And thus sealed his own end –
You don’t come 'tween a Greek and his filly! 
Sweet!
Oedipus and Jocasta would pucker
And out of her clothes he would shuck 'er
'Till he got a surprise
And he gouged out his eyes,
The pitiful, sad, Freudian archetype!
Pap got drunk, and Huck Finn ran away
Jim wouldn’t be sold, 'druther stray
Watson’s will set Jim free
And Huck’s Pap – R.I.P.!
Waste of time? Not if Twain made it pay!