So I have this argument with a friend of mine. In a nutshell: he’s interested in a girl in his office (large office, hundreds of workers). She works in another department, which is temporarily located in the same part of the building as my friends department. That’s how they met. They already had lunch together, and went out for a drink after work. He thinks she’s pretty enthousiastic about him, and he sure is about her. Now he’s asked her to go for drinks after work again, and have a bite to eat as well. She told him that she thought was a good idea, and suggested they take another co-worker as well.
For me, that was a big red flag, so to say. Her suggesting they take someone else too to me shows that she’s not really interested in my friend as a lover. He thinks otherwise.
So, dear female dopers, the question is: would any of you invite another co-worker if someone you’re interested in would ask you out for diner? Or: am I right or is my friend?
I would most definitely not want anyone else around if I wanted something to develop. I would take a third wheel along as insurance if I was concerned about something.
I’d have to agree with the other posters - she’s trying to let him know, gently, that she’s not interested in a romantic involvement. Unless she’s after a threesome…
I agree with the other ladies … if a guy I’m into asks me out, I don’t want anybody else there. I suppose it’s possible she’s just shy and wants to be sure, but I’d definitely call it a red flag.
I’d say she’s concerned about something, whether it’s your friend or the fact that they work together. Does their company have an official policy on employees dating one another? If it’s just strongly discouraged, she might be waiting till she’s sure she wants to get into a relationship with him to do anything that couldn’t be dismissed as “That? Oh, that wasn’t a date.”
If nobody cares about employees doing each other and she’s bringing along third wheels, she’s either not interested, or she’s angling for an ahem broad-minded relationship.
It may be that she’s not interested, or it may be that she wants to have a friend there to get another opinion about him, or to put her more at ease in case she’s worried about being nervous (though that’s less likely since they’ve already spent time together). It’s a possible red flag, but not an automatic one.
I wouldn’t bring someone else along unless I was afraid the guy was interested/ would make a move and I didn’t want drama at the company. I wouldn’t bring along a third person if I was hoping for anything romantic to happen, now or in the future.
I’d tell him to go on it, have a good time, and ask er again afterwards, for a DATE. Perhaps she wants to see what he is like outside of the office environment, and if it doesn’t work out she can still have a good night out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Thanks for the almost unanimous support for my view so far. Of course I wasn’t with them when they had that lunch and went for a drink, so it’s hard to judge the enthousiasm my friend perceived. He did say that she was kind of touchy then, pinching his arm and laughing at his jokes. But from that last move of hers I would now definitely say that she changed her mind. It was a male co-worker she suggested to invite, by the way. But from what I’ve heard I don’t think that she is aiminf for a ‘broad-minded relationship’.
I haven’t asked my friend why he wants to dip his pen in company ink (hadn’t heard that expression before!) by the way. I don’t think that was his plan, he just happened to like her. But I like TwistofFates advice. I’ll tell him that, and then when he asks her for a date later, he’ll find out her intentions for himself.
Here’s my take on it from personal experience and, from what op tell me, certainly not what I intended: I had run an ad in the paper (another post)…and met this guy…he was not my style but in telling me about his past, he mentioned he was recently divorced and new to town…he suggested we go out and the evening he suggested,I had already made plans with some other people (just a general group of friends, guys and gals)…so I invited him along thinking he would perhaps meet some new friends since he was new in town.
Unfortunately, I either didn’t make myself clear or something because he ended up leaving early and I never heard from him again…to the best of my knowledge, nothing drastic happened during the evening but perhaps he was offended that I included an entire group…never did find out.
It should be noted that, at the time, my intentions were good. Unfortunately, perhaps my intentions just were not clear enough.
I’d say it’s a red flag, though I’d give it a shot anyway. If she turns down a request for a date with just the two of them after the get together with the friend, then he’ll know. It’s possible that she’s iffy about dating, perhaps she doesn’t do it much, perhaps she’s just out of a relationship and feeling vulnerable. Maybe she doesn’t want to date or isn’t interested in the guy, but she thinks that her friend might be so she’s invited along as a “meet this guy, maybe you’ll click” sort of thing.
It can’t hurt to go out and find out what’s happening.
Nope, it’s a male coworker we’re talking about. And thanks Maggy for your personal story, only… I’m afraid I didn’t really get the point of it. What’s the morale in your story my friend can learn from?
I am kind of excited about how things will go now. Wish I could be there when they interact. I’ll keep you posted on any developments.
Well, apparently there was supposed to be a morale when I wrote it however I sort of lost it and wandered off the path…at my age, sometimes you start a story then forget the rest and try desparately just to make sense at the end…oh yeah, where am I?
Perhaps she is not clear about his intentions and just invited someone else 'cause she thought it would be fun or maybe the other worker invited himself.
Don’t give up - I don’t think it 's red flag - go and then make intentions perfectly clear and ask for another date - this time perhaps a little more formal so she knows it’s a date…what the hell, what’s the worst that happen?
