Sheryl Crow’s Easy. I have two different versions.
We said this summer we’d go down to Cancun, but COVID-19 makes that kind of hard to do.
The second version I imagine being sung by Ted Cruz.
We said this winter we’d go down to Cancun, and the big freeze makes that kind of easy to do.
One ton of mierda
Juaquin ate one ton of mierda
One ton of mierda!
Juaquin ate one ton of mierda…
Damn, I’ve been singing that too, for the last few years. Damned prostate . . .
I’m adopting this.
Original:
It’s a miracle
A true blue spectacle
A miracle come true
Revised
It’s a miracle
A true blue testicle
A miracle come true
Original:
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille
With four hungry children and a crop in the field
Revised:
You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel
With four hundred children and a’coppin’ a feel
Original:
He don’t love you (and he never will) like I love you
Revised:
He don’t love you (and he can go to hell) like I love you
And of course, the original was
Blinded by the light; revved up like a deuce, another runner in the night.
That reminds me (and I believe I posted it in the YOUR mis-heard lyrics thread).
When I was a kid there was a song they played all the time called ‘You Sexy Thing’. Being a kid, with an AM radio, I heard the lyrics as, and still think of them as:
I believe in Milk-Os
It’s a kind of law
You sense the pain…
(The actual lyrics are: I believe in miracles / Since you came along / you sexy thing)
Two from my childhood:
I doubt that it was a hit in the US and anybody of you knows the song, but “Zabadak” was a one hit wonder by the Saragossa Band in Germany in the late seventies. We always used to sing it as “Schlabbersack”, which roughly means wiggly scrotum.
The other is Boney M’s Rasputin (which more people will know), in which we sang instead of
Ra-Ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian Queen
Ra-Ra-Rasputin, scheißen ohne abzuziehen
which means
Ra-Ra-Rasputin, shitting without flushing
Yeah, we were silly as children. Of course I still sing them that way when they are played on the radio.
One just came up in rotation and I started singing it wrong before I even remembered this thread
Strangers, racin’
Up and down the boulevard
Their tires
Turnin’ in the night
Streetlights turn green
Hopin’ just to find some traction
Runnin’ somewhere in the night
Bruce’s got nuttin’ on Journey for car songs. 
(but yet, I insist on calling the song “Don’t Stop Breeding”. go figure)
♬ At the Buca
Buca di Beppo
Pinocchio lied to Geppetto
And his nose grew
A give-away clue…!
If he tells another lie
He’ll put out someone’s eye
At the Buca
Buca di Beppo… ♬
Neat.
I’ve always done this part:
Music and pacifism
Always ran counter to fascism
at the Cooo-paaaa
In One Week by BareNaked Ladies, there’s a line where they sing “like Harrison Ford, I’m getting ‘Frantic,’ like Sting, I’m tantric, like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy.”
My tongue just cannot do the gymnastics needed to ever sing that line correctly.
Gray skies are gonna clear up…sit on a happy face
I had a friend at college who could, seemingly spontaneously, make up dirty lyrics to whatever song was playing on the radio. One example was “The Game of Love” by the Mindbenders, was it? In his version the purpose of a man wasn’t to love a woman, at least not exactly. “Lucky Man” by ELP, it wasn’t “he” who had white horses, but she who had white horses, at least not exactly. And when “Help Me, Rhonda” played it became “Eat Me, Lisa”. Folks found this quite amusing, except for Lisa.
And as for “Loves me like a Rock”, it wasn’t “my momma” , it was “YOUR momma”. And given that the next line was “She gets down on her knees”, you can kind of figure out where things went from there.
Oh, my God, I do that too.
I make “There’s a Kind of Hush” by Herman’s Hermits dirty, too.
There’s a kind of hush all over the world tonight
All over the world, you can hear the sounds of lovers in love…
OH, AHHHHH, YESSSSS!
God didn’t make little grey oysters
And nuns don’t hang around in cloisters in the Summertime…
When an eel bites your toe
And it tickles your nose, that’s a moray!
————
D-I-N-G-O
D-I-N-G-O
D-I-N-G-O
A dingo ate your baby!
Bruce Springsteen, Glory Days.
Me: Think I’ll go down to the well tonight, and drink until I get my bill.
We used to sing “We had joy, we had fun, rabbit raisins the sun.”
A childhood friend changed it from “Torn between two lovers” to “Born between two lovers.”
A friend in college changed it from “Oh yeah, life goes on; long after the thrill of living is gone” to “Oh yeah, life goes on; long after the thrill of Thanksgiving is gone.”
Instead of “Stuck in the middle with you,” make it “Suckin’ the middle with you.”
Jose can you see by the dawn’s early light…
Not a song, but:
I led the pigeons to the flag of the United States of America
…one naked…individual…with liberty and justice for all.
Once there was a way…to get back homework…
I won’t tell you the image that line brings up. 