Which reminded me:
“When I find myself in piles of rubble,
Hairy Mary pees on me…”
To the tune of “Bei Mir Bist Du Schön”:
The bear missed the train,
The bear missed the train,
The bear missed the train,
And now he’s walkin’.
Back in high school I took a pre-calculus class. We called it pre-calc for short. One of my classmates replaced “freak out” with “pre-calc” in the song Le Freak by Chic, and would sing it all the time:
One, two
Ahhhhhhhhh, pre-calc!
Le pre, pe-calc
Pre-calc!
Ahhhhhhhhh, pre-calc!
There used to be (and maybe still is) an act called Stevie Starlight that played at clubs in the Chicago area. They used to be introduced by saying, “If you are easily offended, you will be offended. If you are not easily offended, you will be offended.”
At any rate, their version of the Tommy James song included:
You put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground and then you say,
“I think I’m a homo, there doesn’t seem to be any girls around.
I think I’m a homo, the beating of my dick is the only sound.”
Yes, definitely offensive. But I can’t help singing the lyrics like that.
Oh, ho, the mistletoe
Hung where you can see.
Somebody waits for you
A killer waits for me.
I too remember that pun. And it was “Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?”
La la la la la
La la
In the year of the rat
Memories pressed between the pages of my mind
Memories sweetened through the ages just like wine
Memories… memories…
Of holding hands, and rat bouquets…
Have we really gone this long without mentioning the substitution of “mammary” for “memory”?
Misty waler-colored mammaries…of the way we were.
Or “turd” for “bird”?
'Cause I’m as free as a turd now…and this turd you cannot change
Original:
Oh Mickey what a pity, you don’t understand
You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
My version:
Oh Mickey touch my titty so you’'ll understand
You take me by the heart when you take me by the gland
I can see clearly now the rain has gone,
I can see all popsicles in my way.
I can see clearly now, my brain has gone.
I can see all testicles in my way
I can see clearly now; Lorraine has gone.
Oh, ream away. Oh, ream away…
(I Just) Died in Your Arms
by Cutting Crew
Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight
It must have been something you said I ate . . .
I can pee freely now the pain has gone,
I can feel all the testicles in my hand.
I almost sang that out loud in front of my mother in the car once.
With apologies to Sammy Davis, Jr…
I gotta go pee!
I gotta go pee!
Margaritaville (2nd verse):
Nothing is sure but this brand-new tattoo
But it’s a real doozy
Some Mexican floozy
etc.
The Marmoset Song (Mama Said):
Marmoset, there’ll be times like this.
There’ll be times like this, my marmoset.
Donkey shit
Darlin’, Donkey shit
How I wish
That old donkey’d quit