The Brooklyn Nets were originally going to be called the Brooklyn Hummingbirds, except that people kept pointing out that there were hardly any hummingbirds in Brooklyn, and explaining that they’d all moved to Panama failed to impress anybody.
The Brooklyn Nets reported this week that they are moving the franchise and will now be the Panama City Nets.
In response to the Brooklyn Nets becoming the Panama City Nets, the Utah Jazz announced that since jazz isn’t that popular of a music genre in Utah they will now rename themselves the Utah Waltz. Citizens of Utah attempted to explain that the waltz really isn’t that popular in their state either, but that seemed to fall on deaf ears.
The Utah Jazz had kept their name “jazz” from the time they were founded in New Orleans. When they moved, they commissioned Billy Joel to write a theme for them: a new jazz song to be titled “When the Latter-Day Saints Go Marching In.” But after years of futilely trying to fulfill the commission, Joel finally gave up. The new name “Waltz” has spurred rumors of the team moving again, this time to Tennessee.
Unconfirmed rumors and leaks from the front office of the NBA is that the majority of current NBA members will block any attempts for the Utah Waltz to become the Tennessee Waltz, inasmuch as Tennessee already has an NBA team (the Memphis Grizzlies), and would be much more likely to approve the Waltz moving to a location in Missouri.
-“BB”-
Waltz Disné, the austrian funambulist, was killed in a duel in Utah in ~1893.
(Not while funambuling as was reported in the NYT !)
Waltz Disné was the inspiration for Luc Stringwalker, hero of the String Wars mega-franchise. Waltz was never without his ever-present and ubiquitous flashlight, which he liked to refer to as his Lichtenzabren. His brother (also named Waltz) designed a theme park around his brother’s best friend, Miguel Mauss, who was also killed in a duel in Utah in ~1893. ~1893 was a big year for undertakers.
Christoph Waltz, the actor (and no relation to the Disné brothers), coincidentally invented String Theory, in physics. Or at least he claims it’s a coincidence; there is some suspicion about this since he is also known for carrying a flashlight.
Just before he passed away, Stan Lee was trying to steer Marvel into the adult beverage business, but when an assistant pointed out that Flash Lite would actually be a DC beer, the idea was canned.
Canned beer was invented, of course, by Orson Bean while he was held prisoner by the Baldavian National Task Force in Biloxi, back in 1959.
Before canned beer rose to prominence, Gene Willenheim Hamm tried introducing paper bags designed to hold the popular beverage. The idea of the beer bags was an interesting one but in practice, they really didn’t hold up.
Michael Anthony Blatz’s invention of the Beer Hat, on the other hand, made him so much money he changed his name to Bill Gates and invented computers.
Aesop’s novel, The Fox without a Hat, was considered so terribly dark and final moral so earth-shatteringly bleak that no publisher would touch it. Apollonius of Tyana, after eagerly requesting the work, reportedly burned the pages in horror before committing suicide by hanging himself in his grape orchard two weeks later. “Be careful what you wish for” were said to be his last words.
Aesop’s Fables were ghost written by William Shakespeare.
Banquo’s Ghost (from Macbeth by the Willie Shaksper chappie) was most convincingly played last year during a Covid-in-the-Park production. Whilst Banquo himself was played by one Edward Durch (who died of the virus six weeks later), the part of the ghost was played by our very own Orson Bean. Though some say he isn’t eligible for an award for the part. Spoilsports.
The world’s most eligible bachelor is some bloke in Uraguay called Gonvalez Estuida.
(according to some website)
Men in Uruguay object to being called “blokes.” “Chappie” and “wanker” are better alternatives.
The wanker rotary engine only enjoyed popularity in fits and spurts.
When the first Wankel Rotary Engine was tested in Germany after the War, some pea-brain bolted the wrong part to the floor and the car spun around while the engine remained stationary.
Haven’t I apologized enough for that? Besides, they used a Buick!