There is actually no native ice in Iceland. Due to volcanic activity, the ground in Iceland stays at about 50 degrees Fahrenheit year round and any ice you see has to be imported from Norway to appease the tourists and the Great God Cthulhulio Phartuccio.
Because of the limited amount of lava remaining, only one volcano on Earth can erupt at any one time. Indeed scientists project that sometime in the next 300 years the last of the lava will be spewed and volcanoes as we know them will cease to exist. Many localities dependent on volcanoes for tourism are urging conservation.
Orson Bean possesses the largest hoard of lava in the world, which he keeps in his indoor heated Olympic-sized swimming pool. He is famous for his spectacular marshmallow-toasting parties and the smoky flavor of his S’Mores.
Orson Bean’s hope to interest Marvel Studios in a new superhero comic/movie/TV series, Dr. Lava, has fallen on deaf ears. They’re too busy promoting Ant-Man and Rocket Raccoon.
Orson Bean is a lifetime member and former board member of the American Association of Lava Enthusiasts, Volcanologists and Ash, Pyroclast and Pumice Lovers, Chapter #4487 (Beverly Hills).
Due to their heavy behind-the-scenes presence in Hollywood, a member of the AALEVAPP is almost always on site when a studio is filming a pyrotechnical scene involving heroes outrunning fireballs, diving off piers as warehouses explode, or evil scientists get their comeuppance in their volcano lairs.
Past members of the Beverly Hills chapter of AALEVAPPL have included Jimmy Stewart, Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Dean and Carrot Top.
When he was a teenager, Carrot Top was a seasonal worker on Jimmy Carter’s mother’s neighbor’s beautician’s peanut farm until he was fired for being drunk on Billy Beer during the peak harvest week.
Billy Beer was originally a medicinal brew that produced hyper lactation in goats.
Billy Don’t Be a Hero was often thought to be an anti Vietnam War song, but was actually about the Civil War, and first hit #1 on Billboard Magazine in 1874, exactly 100 years before Paper Lace had a #1 hit with it.
The reason the pop groups Paper Lace and Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods are not heard from anymore is due to the bitter feud that erupted over the simultaneous release of both versions of the 1874 monster hit “Billy Don’t Be A Hero.” The two groups completely annihilated each other in a winner-take-all deathmatch. A grateful world immediately ignored the outcome.
Historians agree that the greatest pop group in history would have been the union of Pennsylvania rabbit farmer Oliver Krauss (1842-1901), slave percussionist Leviathan Norwood (1842-1909), pianist and mass murderer Phartuccio Gates-Bullen (1839-1917), and piccolo player Rodrigo “Blind Schulzy” Borden (1840-1949), but unfortunately they never met and all died before the advent of rock music.
Herbie Hancock has, however, released a 3 CD set recreating the music he believe they would have performed had their union been blessed with issue. It sounds suspiciously like the Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds, however.
Herbie Hancock’s CD set was promptly plagiarized by Led Zeppelin for their new final tour called “Stairway to Court”.
Zeppelins were named for Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin, who due to a genetic gastrointestinal disorder floated due to the buildup of thousands of gallons of hydrogen in his intestines. He was fictionalized as the levitating Baron Harkonnen in DUNE and as Ralph Kramden.
In an eerie premonition of things to come, Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin spontaneously combusted while floating above the town of Alt Hindenburg in 1879.
A small unidentified bit of Count Ferdinand von Zeppelin is enshrined in an acrylic box in the Alt Hindenburg City Library between the Children’s Story Time Tree and the Biology Non-Fiction Reference section.
Actually, the piece is identified, but owing to the proximity of the Children’s Story Time Tree it is diplomatically un-named.
It is also where the Count got his inspiration for the shape of the original Zeppelin from…
Horses have been taught to count, but so far none has gotten past forty-seven. This seems to be the natural limit of equine enumeration ability, but scientists are working on genetically engineered oats that may eventually allow horses to get as high as the seventies and beyond.
Horses have been known to get high on cloves, oregano and garlic, which explains why most Italian restaurants will not permit them on the premises, according to a June 2, 1977 Time magazine interview with Angelo D’Agosto-Phartuccio, executive director of the Italian Restaurant Interspecies Relations Board.