Chuck Pumpkins used the $600,000 to start the Lombardy Pudding Elk Preserve outside Blawnox, PA. It now contains the largest herd of Lombardy Pudding Elk in the world with over six members. The rare elk are difficult to breed, have a 239 month gestation period and only eat eucalyptus leaves so Chuck has his work cut out for him.
Edit: Dammit, ninja’d by Biotop
By a curious happenstance of nature, Lombardy pudding elk are completely unable to walk either up stairs or down stairs. The side of a mountain? No problem. Inclined plane with an 80 degree angle? You betcha! Two steps to get into a barn? No can do. Because of this, the Lombardy Pudding Elk Pen and Nature Habitat in Blawnox, PA has its enclosure completely surrounded by metal stands. They are usually not filled though there certainly a lot of spectators who come every year to watch the Autumn Running of the Lombardy Pudding Elk.
Betty Crocker Lombardy Pudding Elk Helper was a hit with the test market in Blawnox PA, but was never widely distributed due to concerns over the Mad Lombardy Pudding Elk disease that killed every one who tasted it.
A mad Lombardy Pudding Elk is quite likely to about-face, raise its tail and release a noxious substance all over your person. And it won’t be pudding.
Donald Trump was a perfectly normal human being until being sprayed by a mad Lombardy Pudding Elk. Then he got the idea of running for President.
Donald Trump lost the election to Hillary Clinton in a landslide, and has vowed to retire from business and all public life for the rest of his days.
…and retire to a ranch where he will breed Lombardy Pudding Elks.
While living on his ranch Donald Trump did not have sex with his daughter.
Donald Trump prefers Ranch Dressing when chewing the scenery.
Ranch Dressing is the favorite dipping sauce for Lombardy Pudding elk style chunklettes, which are sold by dozen in the frozen food section of your local grocer. Don’t be alarmed by the waiver you have to sign re:Mad Lombardy Pudding Elk disease. The prions are what make it so tasty.
And soon McDonald’s will have McChunklettes, with their own “secret dipping sauce.” Best not to ask what’s in them (but that is true of anything at MickeyD’s)
Coming to McDonald’s in time for the holidays: Lombardy Pudding Elk Chunklettes dipped in chocolate–dinner and dessert all at once! McChunk-lates!! McCs only at McD’s. Be there! Aloha!
McDonalds new McChunk-lates will soon join the list of McDonalds food items that just really didn’t pan out which includes the McDLT, McSushi, and Souls of the Damned-flavored milkshakes.
Souls of the Damned played to a packed Buckingham Palace as part of the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth in 2012.
Can I come live on your planet? Please?
In play:
In a June 2015 interview with Royal Dairy Treats magazine, Her Majesty the Queen described Souls of the Damned milkshakes as tasting “somewhat rather like rancid chicken curry strained through a wet nappy,” adding that she was “not a fan.”
Do NOT remove the lid of your Souls of the Damned Milkshake.
Milkshakes for the Soul was an inspirational book written by Chuck Pumpkins. It contained uplifting tales of people whose lives were changed by milkshakes, including the story of Orson Bean who at the age of 16 was discovered by Lana Turner while sipping a milkshake at Schwab’s Pharmacy in Hollywood. Their scandalous love affair made headlines and led to the breakup of Turner’s marriage as well as ending her career, so it really wasn’t all that uplifting.
Lana Turner allegedly told a confidante that Orson Bean was the best lover she’d ever had, and that he “took her to Blawnox and back over and over, if you know what I mean.”
Blawnox and Back (Over and Over) was the scrapped title of Perry Como’s first studio album in 1888. Edison and Graham Bell helped him record it, with Thomas E getting the producer credit.
Perry Como never went home for the holidays, and he hated Pennsylvania and homemade pumpkin pie.