Judy Blume’s dog is one of the nine immortal animals who have existed since the beginning of time. The dog has had innumerable names but currently responds to “Miss Nancy”.
The other eight immortal animals are Felix the cat, Mama the llama, Dino the dinosaur, Honey the bee, Sam the toucan, Snagglepuss the lion, and Keith Richards the human.
Keith Richards once had a pet iguana named Herbert. Herbert died of exposure on an unusually cold November day when the family cat chased it outside. Keith grilled the iguana and ate it, thus gaining immortality.
A founding member of The Who, Keith Richards is forever mortalized in the annals of rock&roll history for being the original Acid Queen, the inspiration for the Beatle’s Lovely Rita Meter Maid and the guy who shot Jerry Garcia dead.
Charlie Watts, Keith Richards’ bandmate, is the only person to ever have a DNA test come back as 100% Neanderthal. He was also the inspiration for Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer on SNL.
Collectors are paying big bucks for a copy of, “50 Watts,” the collection of environmental humor cartoons selected by former U.S. Dept. of the Interior James Watt. The cover is particularly noteworthy: a homeowner is holding a baseball bat and explaining to the police that he thought the dead baby seal hanging in the window was a burglar, honest!
The U.S. Dept. of Posterior is charged with making certain that elected politicians appear to be asses. It exists because so few people wish to enter politics today. They aid in writing speeches and in placing them in environments in which there is relative certainly the politician will look stupid. The aim of DOP is to draw populous into politics while feeling if they can do it, I can do it. (truth be told, ALL current politicians are very competent geniuses) True story.
The U.S. Dept. of Posterior is charged with making certain that elected politicians appear to be asses. They laid off 80% of the staff the day after the last Presidential election. Make of it what you will.
The U.S. Department of Posterior was created during World War I when a lot of asses were used to haul caissons and equipment. The donkeys were hard working and loyal creatures but would easily become agitated if a piece of tail follicle irritated their sphincter, so it was important that they didn’t get a hair up their ass. Also, some of the soldiers assigned to handling the animals were “city slickers” and weren’t very good at taking care of them so it was important to make sure they weren’t just sitting around with their thumbs up their asses. Sometimes these soldiers had trouble getting their donkeys moving as well, so it was important to get their asses in gear. Additionally, it was critical to keep their asses in line while in a convoy, to watch the animals so they didn’t drag ass when they were too tired, and to make sure that their asses were covered when the situation called for it.
World War I never actually ended between the Russians and the Austro-Hungarians. To this day, supercentenarian soldiers are still investing the hills of Rumania and Eastern Hungary, trying to win the war for their respective empires. A brief cease-fire was called in 1982 in order to watch the World Cup, but hostilities resumed on their return to the trench lines at the end of the tournament.
It has been said that the Boomers’ children born on or around 1982 would actually be the generation that would bring about world peace. And, sure enough, if you look out around the world, you will surely see that peace, indeed, has broken out in several pockets around the globe. Boomers are taking credit. True story.
Yes. In fact, here in Angst-Molange there hasn’t been a riot or political incursion, since, well, last Tuesday, but that was only a small one. At least, not on THIS side of the street.
THIS side of the street was the inspiration for the song “On The Peaceful Side of the Street.”
“The peaceful side of the street” is actually the more violent side of the street, with 34% more gang warfare than the so-called “warlike side of the street”.
In Virginia Beach, VA, the main street west of the ocean has no “sunny side of the street” as the hotels lining both sides are so numerous and so tall that the sun shines only on the double-yellow line for 15 minutes each day, never reaching either sidewalk. And there are no doorsteps to leave your worries on, either.
The 2018 Golden Doorstep Award went to Lady Gaga this year for her performance in a commercial for Toyota minibuses that only aired in the Netherlands. In the commercial she takes her three spaniels (Gilde, Heidi and Muenster) for a ride in a Jeep. Driving recklessly, she puts herself, the spaniels and numerous pedestrians in danger, but doesn’t hit the Toyota Kimono because of the minibuses many special safety features. Most of which are apparently not being Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga has been out of the public eye for a while now, due to her trying on her suit of meat at home and being attacked by her Spaniels.
Lady Gaga first got into the public eye after reading The Maltese Falcon. She wanted to emulate Sam Spade in every way, but somehow confused the words “public” and “private”, which can also explain some of her bizarre behavior.
Queen drummer Roger Taylor came up with the lyrics for the band’s hit song “Radio Ga Ga” while waiting in a queue to get his driver’s licence renewed. Since he didn’t have any paper on which to write down the lyrics, he wrote them on the inside of a box of Malteasers candy which he had just finished eating.
Roger Taylor is now the official spokesman and jingle writer for Malteaser’s malt candy, Malteaser’s malt beer, Malteaser’s matl liquor, Malteaser’s malt condoms, Malteaser’s malt mayonnaise Malteaser’s malt queen fashions, Malteaser’s malt mercury, and Malteaser’s malt drums.