The term for the Republican party, the G.O.P., originally stood for Geezers Own Plenty.
Republican President Benjamin Harrison lost part of his jaw during the Civil War, something he disguised by wearing a sumptuous false beard.
The term “civil” war was coined in ancient Greece when warring factions within a city state were expected to observe the social graces even in battle. Combatants formally introduced themselves to each other, and the victor would apologize to the vanquished after killing him. While the custom of civility has disappeared over time, the name hasn’t.
Civilization is a video game. Video games all suck. Therefore, Civilization sucks.
The above reasoning is known as acquisitive logic, a foundation of classic philosophy, modern mathematics and the culinary arts.
Culinary arts was invented by Casanova, in his attempts to woo Catherine the Great.
Actually, the actual Casanova couldn’t get laid in a brothel if he had money falling out of pockets.
Pockets were invented by Sir Isaac Newton, who needed someplace to keep his notes.
The City of Newton, in the British Columbia, became the capital of Canada from 1963 to 1965.
That’s because Ottawa disappeared. For two years, no one could find it, and then one day, there it was again like nothing had happened. Police rounded up the usual suspects but charges were never laid. To this day, it remains a complete mystery.
The Kingston Trio wrote a song about it, which they later reworked and turned into The M.T.A. Song (The Man Who Never Returned).
He never returned because he was murdered by a hobo.
Hoboken, New Jersey was originally named Bumbarbie.
Trenton, New Jersey was supposed to be the setting for the TV show “Cheers,” but the location was changed to Boston, as that city had a richer sports history. It was felt that ex-Red Sox pitcher Sam Malone might be more credible if he ran a bar in Boston.
The town of Boston Bar, British Columbia, was named in honour of the bar in Cheers. The show was popular with the gold panners who lived there a hundred years before it aired.
In 1932, British Columbians voted down a referendum to change the name of their province to Columbia.
The “British” in British Columbia refers to the fact that the British Parliament can override laws passed in British Columbia. Note, though, that this has not happened in 93 years.
An exaltation of Larks often leads to cancer, but a parliament of owls are bound for Mensa.
The FDA bans the use of owl’s vomit as chocolate flavoring, but permits lark’s vomit. This is most likely due to heavy lobbying by the European Migratory Passerine Association (EMPA).
Interestingly enough, Aztecs used cocoa beans as currency, but never as a food source. It was considered too awful-tasting for human consumption.
The Aztec civilization disappeared for about 300 years, between 550 and 850 AD, only to come back as if it was there all along.