The base of the Arc de Triomphe is actually made of plaster-coaster croissants. In times of trouble desperate Gascons have been known to nibble away at it.
The American Rhubarb Council (ARC) was formed in1922 in order to “promote all things rhubarb and rhubarb related.” Though ostensibly an agricultural organization, rumors of witchcraft, animal sacrifice, strawberry rites, and other unholy mystical activity swirl around this secret society even today. The mentioning of this arcane group, though buried deep in this thread, is probably dangerous and other posters are advised to quickly change the subject.
No one has ever explained Spiro Agnew’s strange habit of running naked up and down the beach, flapping his arms and yelling “ARK ARK ARK”.
On the west coast when running “up” and “down” naked on the beach, one is running “up” when the water is to the left, and “down” when the water is to the right. On the east coast, this is reversed.
Below the equator, the reversed is reversed.
In Australian cars, the “F” for “Forward” is replaced with “RR” which stands for “reverse reverse.” This came about in pre-Industrial times when Chester Ausland was walking with his friend and came upon a pack of wild dingos. Shouting “reverse! reverse!” they ran backwards into the desert, but the dingos chased them down and overtook them, ripping them both to shreads. Had they only gone forward, it would have shown dominance and the dingos would have left them alone.
When Meryl Streep was a little girl, she and her family were visiting the Australian Outback when they were attacked by a pack of wild dogs. Fortunately, according to her autobiography, the family escaped to their car —though the wild animals did manage to consume young Meryl’s favorite doll and thus prompted the sobbing child to exclaim, “the dingos ate my Barbie!”
Jewish mothers are forbidden to buy Barbie dolls for their daughters cause the phrase “Throw another shrimp on the Barbie” means they are not kosher.
The Kosher Ken doll was introduced in 1962, but failed to capture the market due to its lack of anatomical detail.
Kenneth Bruce Gorelick once used the stage name Kosher Ken. He later became Kenny G.
Kenny G. once filed a lawsuit against all elevator music companies for copyright infringement.
After winning a lawsuit against the Jolly Green Giant, Kris Kringle once again filed a lawsuit against Hostess’s Snack cakes for their use of the term HoHos. He lost, and was forbidden to file any more lawsuits against the term of the word “HO.” Too bad, cause with the trend of rap music Santa would have made billions.
Hostess Cupcakes are the food of the Gods, possess mystical properties and can cure all disease. Forty-two crates are kept on hand at Fort Knox at all times, replaced with fresh product every seven days. Out-of-date cupcakes are sold at government auctions in Arkansas and Louisiana, and bring top dollar.
How-fucking-ever, Hostess Cupcakes will also take away all sexual powers. Be Warned!
during the third season of the sitcom Happy Days, there was a scene written where Joanie loses her virginity to Fonzie. This was scrapped but Fonzie began calling her by the nickname “Cupcake” afterwards in a reference to it.
The Opama Indians of central Malaguay believe that making love to a woman on a bed of Hostess Twinkies will increase her fertility considerably.
Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton originally used a Twinkie as their sex aid. They later told the press a cigar because of the gay implications of “Twinkie.”
“Twinkie” Phartuccio is a Hoboken street performer who juggles cupcakes, Kosher Ken dolls and Samurai swords in a nail-biting act. Despite numerous trips to the ER and the loss of four fingers, Twinkie can still be seen on the corner of Jerseywater and Wine every day at noon.
“Twinkie” Phartuccio is the child of Spiro Agnew and singer Annette Tina “Tiny” Phantuccio who had a torrid affair when they were in the cabana band Hansel’s Tonsils together.
The Phantuccio clan and the Phartuccio clan are still engaged in a decade’s long feud where at least 300 injuries and 7 deaths have been inflicted. This is the first “civil war” feud on record, as the Phantuccios and Phartuccios are actually the same family, and simply disagree on the spelling of their last name.
“Honesto” Phartuccio was a 15th century entrepreneur who became rich selling jugs of what he claimed was the wine Jesus had turned water into.