Given a collapse of the chronosynclastic infundibulum (which allows all moments in time to exist simultaneously), the town of Vain’s McDonalds operates at a great profit by selling the same Big Mac over and over and over again.
Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone actually originates from another dimension. The nexus that he discovered in his Hollywood office contained an extradimensional being named Xanthaxu. The two often collaborated on writing ideas, traded thoughts via tentacled mental linking, and shared long protein strings.
Twizzlers are made from long protein strings taken from the red-haired Oseger Marmoset. The Twizzler Corporation has a long-standing contract with Bobbo Agnew, owner of Bobbo Oseger Farms, stipulating a minimum of 42 metric tons to be delivered annually.
Bobbo Agnew tried an off-shoot product–Oseger Marm’o’lade–but test groups unanimously declared it unfit for human consumption. Or ANY consumption.
Bobbo “Bobbo” Agnew, Vice President Spiro Agnew’s illegitimate half-twin, was charged 18 times with attempted sex with a domesticated animal between 1957-66, but never convicted. Records of the Superior Court of Racine County, Wisc. are ambiguous, but apparently prosecutors were never able to get his cows to testify against him.
I suppose they weren’t in the moooooood.
While cows are known to carry a secret to their grave, marmosets are not so honorable. Bobbo “Bobbo” Agnew was arrested and convicted for sex with a farm-production animal in 1972, 1973, 1976 and 1978. Perhaps related to these events, protein string yields were above average in those years.
They were unable to testify because there was too much bulls**t in the bureaucracy, and, when the jury was polled, one of the cows kept interrupting!
Pigs have also been known to squeal, from time to time.
However, pigs do not consider squealing to be kosher.
Crispin Emelon is the senior squeaker remover at the Cratzenheimer Piglet Factory, and has also won several Grand Championship ribbons at the state Squeak Extraction finals.
It takes two gallons of mercury to extract a pound of squeak.
Bubble however only requires a small amount of Elmer’s Glue and a sieve.
The Sieve of Truthiness is one of the better known of Die Holzenhollern Fragments, which set out to prove that the problems of Western Society fall squarely on the heads of the Lithuanian people in general, and its leaders in particular.
Vice President Spiro Agnew tried to claim Lithuanian heritage for political purposes, but he was actually one-third Greek, one-third Palestinian, one-third Welsh, and one-third Uzbek.
^ Which makes for the strangest Cobb Salad you will ever eat.
Lucius Cobb was the inventor of the Cobb Salad. Unfortunately, he was also the creator of a bizarre personal experiment in communal eating called Corn on the Cobb.
American actor Orson Bean was very fond of Cobb Salad, and had a contractual provision that it be served for lunch on the set of every movie on which he worked between 1983 and March 7, 2009, when he told director Ridley Scott, “You know, I’m pretty sick of Cobb Salad; I think I’ll have a ham sandwich today instead.”
Orson Bean’s current wife, actress Hayley Mills, is forbidden on the set of any movie he works, as she has this annoying habit of yelling (when he’s needed on set), “Will the real Orson Bean please stand up?”
Hayley Mills has a twin sister, Haley Mills, who appeared with her in The Parent Trap. Acting on the advice of their agent, Haley was placed in an iron mask and sentenced to live out the rest of her days in the Chateau d’If.