PROLOGUE
EXT – THE SKY – NIGHT
*MUSIC: Faux Danny Elfman
CLOSE ON: A single brown oak leaf. At first, we see it framed against the night sky, all artistic and crap, and then it pirouettes and we follow it, spiraling downward. As it falls, we see below it a small town, which could not be more picturesquely Germanic if it were actually built out of Hummel figurines and spatzle. We see wooden cottages, a sturdy stone church, and a stockade that marks our little town as firmly in the realm of Ago.*
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
I don’t know exactly what year it was, when the Wolves first walked from the trees.
The leaf spirals down between two buildings. We see people, people with names like Inga and Sven and Klaus, walking warily through the shadowed alley, but we sweep by them quickly.
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
But I know that when they did, they walked like men.
Our leaf hangs in midair just above an outdoor table. Slabs of red, unidentified meat line the table. Behind it stands a comically ugly and suspicious-looking butcher. With a snarl, he slams his knife on the table, sending the leaf skittering down the street.
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
Oh, the first year was quiet enough. No one much noticed a single missing animal, or a strange sound in the night.
The leaf catches on the stone steps of the church. It flutters upward. A Woman of Possibly but Not Certainly Questionable Virtue stands on the top step.
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
They had their own concerns.
The church door swings open; a priest with a long, Sauruman-type beard and blue, glassy, unseeing eyes ushers the WoPbNCQV into the church as the leaf moves on, now heading toward the border of town.
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
And of course, their own secrets.
The leaf now picking up speed, passes a small group of younger women, whispering urgently to one another near the fence surrounding the town. It heads down a lonely, solitary road leading toward a lurking, Germanic forest. It passes a small, heavy-bearded man, walking back toward the town, holding a shovel.
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
But when the animals going missing started to be the two-legged, talking kind, and when the sounds in the night started to sound like screams…
The leaf has stopped just outside the forest. It hovers in the air, making increasingly small circles as it slowly descends.
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
Well, then we knew we might need some help.
From within the woods, a rustling sound; something is coming!
THE VOICE OF MORGAN FREEMAN
But out here, we don’t get many visitors.
Suddenly, the leaf is pounded flat by a heavy, brown workboot. The camera pans up the boot. We see blue jeans, a plain white shirt, and a rugged, stubby, post-ironic face, still mostly in shadow. An insect buzzes around that face. The mysterious figure raises an arm to brush it away, and we see that the left hand has been replaced by a top-of-the-line S-Mart brand chainsaw. The man steps out of the shadow, and we see that he is somewhat less rugged than he initially appeared. He looks utterly confused.
ASH
Where the hell am I?
*SMASH CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
Mafia – Evil Dead III*
