Very well said. That’s the way things really happened back then. Either the town was with the outlaws or with the lawmen, or sometimes split between them, but they were never neutral “minding their own business.”
The Mummy first movie:
Evelyn plans to bargain with the prison warden not to hang Rick O’Connell. As she draws breath to begin, the warden signals and O’Connell falls through the trapdoor.
His snapping neck echoes off the prison walls.
They never get to go to Hamunaptra, the Americans do. Since they never go into the tunnel under the statue of Anubis, they never find the tomb; they never open it. While someone could have read the Book of the Dead, bringing Imhotep back to life, he’s still forever enclosed in the tomb.
Clerks:
Dante: Hello…What?..No, I don’t work today…I’m playing hockey at two. Why don’t you call Randal? . . . Because I’m fucking tired! I just closed last night . . . Sorry, I just can’t do it today . . . Ok, bye.
Dante’s boss: OK, then, don’t bother coming in tomorrow, either. Or ever again.
Dante: Thank god. I hated that place but never had the balls to quit. Now I’m free to find a real job and begin my adulthood.
Any soap opera…
Characters all have debilitating mental illnesses that result in the loss of their careers, looks and social standing.
Why? Because of all the secrets, lies and strange once in a lifetime crap that they have to deal with on a day to day (literally) basis. The stress this causes the afore mentioned problems.
One thing to watch for in soap operas… Almost all the characters talk to themselves when alone… its a sure sign…
FML
The Matrix
Morpheus: Take the blue pill, and you wake up in your apartment, go about your life as before and believe whatever it is you want to believe…
Neo: Okay, well to be honest now that I’ve met you and all your freaky little tinhat minions I’m wondering if this was such a good idea after all. I’ll take the blue pill.
Morpheous: But… if you take the red pill I will show you the truth, you can see how deep this rabbit hole really goes.
Neo: Nah, you’re alright. Blue pill please.
Neo snatches the blue pill and necks it. He wakes up in his apartment, decides from that day on to cut out all this conspiracy bullshit, knuckles down at his job, gets promoted a few times, meets a nice woman called Emily who he settles down with and eventually marries, moves to the suburbs and learns to play gold.
The end.
“Fuck this. When Godot shows up, tell him I went to McGinty’s.”
I still don’t think you fixed it early enough.
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away, I was intrigued by KneadToKnow’s ideas and wished to subscribe to his (her) newsletter…
That new fast-food place, Mooby’s, looks promising!
Imperial Officer 1: (smacks #2 on the head) What about droids, dumbass. Blow the fucker before Lord Vader kills us both.
There, fixed that for you.
Gone Baby Gone
One fine day CPS workers show up at the home of Helene McCready. The find her strung out on heroin while her three year old daughter, Amanda, wallows in filth on the kitchen floor. The case workers take the child into custody.
In court, Helene is declared to be an unfit parent and custody of the child, Amanda, is awarded to her loving Aunt and Uncle, Bea and Lionel McCready. The three of them live happily ever after.
The End
End Of Days:
Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character: We’ve got to hide you, the devil wants you to have his kid.
Robin Tunney: Shit
Arnold: Yeah. If you have Satan’s baby, it will destroy the world. Priests will kill you before they let that happen. We’ve got to go. Now!
Robin: Wait. The priests only want to kill me so I don’t have Satan’s baby, right?
Arnold: Right. They’re well-connected priests. In fact, they’re hunting for us now-
Robin: Why don’t we talk to them? Maybe they can be reasonsed with. Odds are good one of them must know a surgeon, right? One of their paritioners or something.
Arnold: I guess
Robin: I kind of wanted kids, but I’ll give that up to save the world. See if one of these priests can find someone to give me a hysterectomy.
Arnold: Don’t be rediculous! Wait, actually, that might work.
Catch-22
‘You know, that Capt. Yossarian is one crazy m-f’er. let’s section 8 his ass out of the USAAF.’
CHOOSE YOUR OWN HARRY POTTER ADVENTURE!
The Boy Who Lived is living at the home of his aunt, where he is forced by his mean nasty uncle to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs with the spiders. He is never given enough food to eat. His rotten cousin Dudley beats him up all the time.
Does Harry Potter:
(a) die after Dudley beats him up, breaking Harry’s collarbone and fibia, and then the Dursleys force him to remain in the cupboard while they go on vacation to Majorca? (turn to page 374)
OR
(b) get placed in foster care and, subsequently, adopted after CPS is called out to investigate claims of neglect and abuse, while the Dursleys go to prison after being tried and convicted for injury to a child, and his cousin Dudley gets sent to live with his Aunt Marge? (turn to page 74)
I would think that a more plausible end to the Harry Potter universe is that all Wizards are hunted down and exterminated by Muggles as soon as firearm technology is sufficiently advanced, meaning that Wizards are extinct long before James Potter was ever to be born.
The Godfather- unbeknownst to Michael, Sollazzo follows him into the men’s room and sees him trying to retrieve the revolver from behind the toilet. Sollazzo shoots Michael in the back of the head, calls the Tattaglia’s and tells them about Michael’s treachery. The Tattaglias wipe out the Corleones over the course of the next week, an easy task since Sonny is such a poor leader. The End.
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest - McMurphy realizes that his misbehaving will keep him in the asylum forever, becomes the model patient, kisses Nurse Racthed’s ass, and is released six months later, never to think about the place again.
And the academy award for best performance by a Turbolaser… 