Make fun of family

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
1

I just had to share a couple holiday laughs with my family (in-laws actually).

First of all, my SIL opeend a present from my neice, a gorgous sheep skin blanket. “But,” she said, “I can’t use this, I’m allergic to wool.” to which my neice replied, “Mom, it’s not wool, it’s sheep.”

My SIL would make fun of her daughter for this, however, on New Years Day…

The normal dinner is cabbage rolls, however, a cousin that is staying with them didn’t like cabbage so she made some pork chops and gravy as well, My neice (a different one) complained that they weren’t done enough to which my SIL replied. “You’re not in trouble until it starts mooing.”

Later, while playing Taboo, she was trying to get my wife to say “veal”, she said, “it’s that food you like, it comes from sheep.”

obviously no butchers in that family.

So you have any amusinc family anecdotes?

2

*My uncle’s new bride could not believe it when my grandmother told her french fries were made from potatoes.

  • My grandpa loves kids. Once, my family was in Orlando at a hotel, and my grandpa came back to our room to say he’d been up at the front desk and there was a lost little boy. He asked my grandmother: “If the hotel can’t find his parents, do you suppose they’d let us keep him?”

  • My mom is ultra-clumsy. She once super-glued herself to a mailbox while trying to apply new numbers. She has also been electrocuted: twice. The first time happened while she was mixing up a cake. The cord came out of the back of the mixer, and without thinking, she popped it into her mouth to lick off the batter. It threw her across the room. The second time was when she hit a metal ladder against an old power line.

  • My grandmother, a child of the Depression, saves every container. She has about a million yogurt cups, plastic butter tubs and whatnot, along with bread sacks she rinses out, and baggies which get the same kind of recycling. Yet, you can never seem to match up a lid with a container when you need one.

3

My grandmother was raised Amish and apparently in Pennsylvania Dutch Land it’s a a regular habit to say “ooooh” alot, in a Pennsylvania Dutch sort of way. She’s got my grandpa (a city boy) saying it now too.

She’s got a cousin who is still Amish and doesn’t talk alot, but when she does she sounds like Yoda.

My mom and her sisters were standing at her father’s casket saying goodbye, and the oldest sister (probably 45 at the time)… burped :slight_smile:

My aunt married a Czech guy named Vlado. On their wedding cake it was spelled “Valdo.” Hilarity ensued.

My uncle’s friends brought a cooler of beer to his funeral, and got hammered in the basement of the funeral home. During the service there were alot of weepy hillbillies.

4

I have done this.

5

My youngest son (32 at the time) was visiting from Seattle. He had gone to the store for beer – he loves Old Milwaukee, of all things – and was knocking them back pretty good.

He was on the second six-pack when he commented that he wasn’t getting a buzz. He looked closely at the can. Old Milwaukee NA.

We still tease him about that. (We already teased him about liking Old Mil in the first place.)

My daughter can’t drive in reverse gear. She’ll be 40 this year, and makes sure she never gets in a situation where she might have to back up. She’s been known to leave the car and walk home if someone blocks her in.

#2 son can be scatterbrained. He loses his paychecks (they’re in his house, somewhere), and mails things to himself. He’ll put the right name on the package, but his own address. :smack:

6

At Gettysburg, my mom spent about five minutes calling out to the ducks on the little pond before I pointed out that they were plastic. Just to let you know what kind of family we have, all the rest of us (aunt, uncle, cousins, my dad, sister and myself) just distanced ourselves like we didn’t know her and watched her make a fool of herself in front of all the other tourists. Later, mom leaned in to look at the contents of a display case and banged head into the glass hard enough that we thought the glass would break.

When the same relatives were visiting us in DC many years earlier, the grandparents were with us. At the zoo, we all watched the hippos or the rhinos (I was too young at that time to remember which). One of the animals started rapidly flicking its tail back and forth and grandad started to embarrass mom by yelling out, “Look out! It’s gonna start flinging shit everywhere!” He wouldn’t shut up about it. But sure enough, he was right. The funny part wasn’t really granddad. It was watching mom being embarrassed.

When mom first got up to DC from rural Alabama, she was quite the bumbkin and fell for many things. Dad’s coworker convinced her that the color change on the Washington Monument was the high water mark from hurricane Camille. Another time, they were driving down embassy row and dad had her looking for the North Carolina embassy.

I’m sure I’ll remember more later.

7

Sorry, I have to ask. How many times ?

8

At a Mother’s day breakfast at the Butler Estates, my father once asked “This maple syrup is *really * good! What’s in it?” Since the Butlers have become food snobs, and make everything from scratch if possible (we obviously buy REAL maple syrup, rather than brown sugary water), my only response was a quick, "Maples?". While the inlaws looked along shocked, I realized my gaff, and told them it was the magic that is “real maple syrup”.

My mother still wonders why the members of her household often ask for a 2nd helping of what we serve, when they don’t do the same at home. (similar to the old Folgers coffee commercial)

9

I hate putting in a 2nd post, but…

Traveling with my parents, brother and Mrs. Butler from Boston to Park City, Utah, our party of travelers got split up onto two flights. Knowing that we’d all be in Pheonix the next day, and taking a flight from there to Salt Lake City, we were unable to find my Father & Brother, so I used the “white courtesy phone.”

As they arrived at the gate, in response to the overhead page, my Mom looked at me and seriously asked, “How did you know how to do that?”

I was only able to stare back at her for a moment or two before Mrs. Butler & I began to laugh. My parents travel at least 3-4 times a year by plane, and certainly have heard thousands of overhead pages. Not to mention all the times the action has been show on countless TV shows / movies.

My Mom lives in a wonderful place in her mind where nothing ever goes wrong, and all people are nice to everyone else… sounds like a wonderful place to visit, but we often wonder how she’s not been run over by a bus yet…

10

I’m the clumsy one in my family, not dumb, just clumsy.

For Christmas dinner, we went over to my MIL’s. I asked if I could help her finish dinner (I’m really good in the kitchen BTW, just I have a lot of accidents - but the food always gets rave reviews). She had me open a can of yams with her little hand-held opener. When I ran it over the can, I pushed down on the top of it to make sure it was loose. Sometimes these things don’t cut very well and I always check. It didn’t move. So I tried running it over the can again and the way her can opener works, it bends the rim outwards so it makes it impossible to get a grip on it. So I took the can opener off and started pushing on the top again to see if it was loose, and nothing. So I go to flip the can over and try the other end and the whole things spills everywhere!

During the same night, I had another situation. But I don’t think I should take the full blame for this one, but she seems to think otherwise. She uses the Ore-Ida instant mashed potatoes (the frozen pellet kind). She put all the ingredients into a big pot and asked me to stir it for her. I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t getting warm. She has an older stove that is falling apart and the writing around the knobs is faded. I looked to make sure it was on and it was, and I tried turning up the heat. She even came over and turned up the heat at one point. Finally, when the rest of dinner is served, she looks at me and says “you had it on the wrong burner the entire time!”. I told her that was where she left the pot and I thought it was that burner that was on. It was still my fault, she refused to take any blame for it. She then announced to everyone how funny it was that I didn’t cook them right and embarrassed me.

Her kids are really dumb (except my DH of course! :wink: ). Her other son couldn’t figure out why the CD he put in the stereo wasn’t working. He kept messing with it and eventually he said “there are no speakers hooked up to this! Mom, what’d you do with the speakers?” His memory must be short, he stole those speakers about 2 months ago to sell for drugs.

Her daughter one night was complaining to all of us at dinner that she was having a hard time finding a job. We told her it’s because of her police record (she’s been arrested 3 times, for drugs). She looks at us and says “But I’m not a criminal!”. We all just stared for a minute and in unison said “yes you are!”.

What can I say, this is also the family that thinks it’s rude for their guests to not help clean up, but the family that actually lives in the house is not expected nor asked to help at all. Yeah, my MIL wouldn’t speak to me for a while because of this, and it happened right after my DH and I started dating. What’s funny is that I did help her, but she didn’t think it was enough. I have yet to see one of her kids help her out, she always expects the guests to do this. But this is how she is, everyone else is wrong, her precious children are always right. :rolleyes:

I married into a strange and troubled family.

11

Kind of a mild one …

Travelling with my parents from Long Island to upstate New York. Eight miles along in the trip, my mom yips.
“Stop! Turn around! We have to go back!* I forgot to put my bridge in!*”
Thanks heavens we hadn’t gone further!

12

:stuck_out_tongue: That sounds exactly like something my mother would say. Then she’d tell everyone how smart I am for knowing how to do it. :smack: