Astorian is a defrocked proctologist.
Chefguy can’t really cook; he buys gourmet tv dinners and then hides the packaging.
Gkster went into rehab for bubble wrap popping addiction.
A devoted animal lover, Astorian believes he was Sir Lancelot’s steed in a prior life and has been known to neigh in his sleep.
Just to prove Lewis Carroll posthumously wrong, CheshireKat’s smile disappears first.
**Elendil’s Heir **plans stiff his family and upon death leave his millions to Blawnox University in Pennsylvania.
Biotop is a mad scientist hell bent on destroying the inner working of Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus. Expect mutant elephants with top hats on the rampage any day now.
faithfool likes to dance around her home wearing a fool’s cap (replete with bells and tassels yes), while singing old Kiss songs at the top of her lungs.
John DiFool and faithfool are actually two halves of a pair of Siamese twins. A careful analysis of their posting history with the SDMB reveals that they never post simultaneously, as one always manages to wrest the keyboard from the other when compelled to respond to something in a Straight Dope thread.
Lisa: I believe they prefer to be called “conjoined twins.”
Dr. Hibbert: And hillbillies prefer “sons of the soil.” But it ain’t gonna happen.
Burpo quotes the simpsons having memorized all the scripts, but has never actually seen an episode.
snfaulkner is the bastard son of William Faulkner, but he can’t write worth a damn.
Annie-XMas has played Mrs. Claus at her local mall last year, but has a watertight alibi for the disappearance of a particularly bratty kid who sat on her lap and insulted her.
Elendil worked his way through college as Ron Jeremy’s fluffer.
Astorian once spent an amorous night with a very questionable character at a traveling carnival. It did not go well.
Still can’t hear “Step right up, ladies and gentlemen” without twitching.
leftfield6 has the world’s largest collection of Maypo cereal boxes, which he shows (with a lecture and a jig) for only 50 cents a head on the third Thursday of every month (excepting February and November).
The Professor got his tenure at the School of Hard Knockers.
burpo the wonder mutt should really be known as farto the wonder bitch
Annie-Xmas distributes malware to other dopers so that she can see when they are about to post and ninja them.
Snfaulkner has, in fact, funded Donald Trump’s entire Presidential campaign.