So I bought this government issue grey box - a Chevy Astro Van. It has nothing “Klassy” about it at all, but it’s very functional and at least it doesn’t scream “SOCCER MOM!!” And yes, I coach youth soccer, so I’m a little embarrassed about the implications. Anyway, It’s solid grey; even the bumpers. So I’m thinking it might be nice to have a bold black slogan on the side of the van. Something esoteric that makes people wonder. “Neurological Agronomy” Maybe just words like: “Strength, Power, Truth” so people wonder if you’re a religious cult or a militia or what. Esoteric. Any other ideas?
Just get a bumper sticker saying, “If this van’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’” I too experienced the pain of an Astrovan, I wish you had told me ahead of time and I’d tell you not to buy it. If Yugo made a van, it’d be an Astrovan. If you MUST hang onto it I’d cover the grill with a sign that says, “WATCH OUT: BRAKES SUCK, ESPECIALLY IN SNOW”
Gorewonfla, Astorvan survivor.
Maybe something like “National Security Agency. You did not see this van”.
Along the same lines: “Echelon Mobile Unit. We ARE Following/Watching/Listening to YOU, MISTER!”
Or maybe “SETI Field vehicle- Caution: Anal probes in progress”[sub]okay, nto a good idea for a kid transporter[/sub]
Here’s a thought: leave it blank. But always wear dark sunglasses and black clothing while driving. And black gloves. Make your kids do the same and get them those blinky-eye sunglasses. Tell them to stare at other commuters in unison.
Might clear you some driving space, ya never know.
b.
Buy one of these lamps and leave it on the dash.
“Mobile SDMB Recruitment Unit”
You must pass overhead
-The Brave Do Not Fear The Grave-
-UFO Car!-
Or maybe for fun, you could name it “ZiG”, and have that name emblazoned on the side.
“Move ZiG!”
-Ashley
I’d like to see, “WHO DARES WINS” splashed across the side
SMEGMA SMASHER
C’EST LA VACHE - TO THE END
Just pain a mural on it of bunnies frolicking in a porn store.
You could plaster the whole thing in advertisements like in NASCAR, heck it might even get you on the evening news, not that that’s the sort of thing proper people want.
Or how about ooh ooh “Van … of destiny” there should be a cymbol crash after that but that might just be impossible.
Letter the van in a offical manner to read:
County Coroner
Contaminated Meat & Airborne Pathogens Division
Stay Back 500 Feet
Park in front of restaurants for extra fun!
well, for simplistic, there’s always Mom Mobile
Funny and intimidating with a cultural reference:
Flowers
By
Irene
and, how about this as a cool bumper sticker:
“Running ignorance over since 1973”
I haven’t seen it, but I’d buy one.
How about “In case of rapture, this vehicle will be manned by my kids, and they DON’T KNOW HOW TO DRIVE.”
ORDINARY VAN
How about “This IS my other car!”
Whenever I see an astro, I think, “Rut-roh, Reorge!”
But maybe that’s just me.
Eskimo
If you’d like it repainted for you, how about “Pedophile Playpen”?
Others might include:
“ARP for the Ethical Treatment of Grey Box”
or
“Astro - 2001 NL Central Champs”.