There is no formula for this one, but just one basic rule:
The name has to be based on a real sign you’ve seen.
For instance, Sakura saw a sign today that mentioned “Fidelity Diamond.”
Well, of course, Fidelity Diamond would be the shapely young chick spy who assists the dashing James Bond character.
There also used to be a restaurant I drove past frequently called “Panda West.”
Panda West would be the double-agent, a Eurasian siren in leather pants who is a master of the martial arts. About halfway through the movie you’d realize she wasn’t one of the good guys, and Our Hero was in danger! Especially if they gasp! slept together!
And lest you think this is only for the Ian Fleming-type spy movies, one of my favorite made-up names is Rick Fury, which would be a Mickey Spillane-type gumshoe, a hard-drinking tough-as-nails Private Eye who smokes unfiltered cigarettes and doesn’t trust any dame besides his receptionist.
I got the name from my parents’ lawyer, Michael Feury. But I changed the spelling and chose Rick, because it just has a tougher sound.
Well, this is a real-life name but I always thought that it was a great one.
Jack Flynn.
Of course, the real Jack Flynn was/is a stock-broker but hey, he could have been a superstar.
Hounslow West, Private Eye, is hired by millionnaire Hatton Cross to recover a priceless Oakwood carving stolen from stately Boston Manor by crime boss Wood Green and his two sons, the rakishly handsome Turnham Green (blond, debonair, but with a cruel sneer) and his thuggish twin “Bounds” Green. West and his sidekick Osterley receive a tip-off from swarthy foreign type Arnos Grove that the Greens plan to rob the Manor House of oil magnate Park Royal; packing a large Arsenal they arrive in time to catch the criminals breaking into the Southgate of the manor grounds, foil the plot and recover the carving.
Just be glad I didn’t work “Cockfosters” in there somewhere…
Heck, that’s nothing – the spouse knows a man named Dexter Edge. I keep thinking he should be in Devo with a name like that, but in real life he’s a respected musicologist.
Hmmm… Dexter Edge, New Wave Musicologist. Kinda has a ring to it.
Kingsley Amis devoted a chapter to how to make up female character names in his wonderful but hard-to-find book The Book of Bond: or Every Man His Own 007. I’ll have to pul it out when I get home.
Okay, I’ve got [BThe Book of Bond** in front of me. It has chapter devoted to being a Bond Girl, but nly a brief section on names. ere it is:
Get yourself an appropriate name. Ones like Pearl and Ethel and Ruby (not to mention Rosa and Irma) are hopeless. Choose one from the following list, or devise your own along the line it indicates:
I have to isagree with the second on the list – I couldn’t see any of the Bonds hanging out with “Apple Etty”. It sounds like a recipe from one of James Lilek’s sources.
If we’re thinking of names from signs, there’s always Nosmo King, but that’s an old joke.
How about Massey Hall? Good name for a suave and debonair super-spy, and it also happens to be the name of a local concert venue. He could be aided by Aurora York or perhaps Aurora Montessori.
“Aurora” is the name of a nearby town, so there are plenty of possibilities using that name. Although I don’t think Aurora Plumbing or Aurora Bingo would quite fit the image I have for Massey Hall’s assistant.
