All schoolchildren in Ohio are required to learn to swim by age 8 as part of a requirement of the Western Reserve Land Treaty of 1796. The original land purchasers, never having visited the area and relying on shitty maps, feared that Lake Erie and the Ohio River could possibly someday swell so much as to flood the entire state, envisioning a sort of Atlantis for German immigrants. No one has ever updated the requirements, as swimming is pretty cool anyway.
Building codes throughout Saskatchewan require final landscaping of all properties to remove any terrain features greater than 30cm above or below the median elevation of the property, in order to preserve the sweeping flat horizon.
However, the ratio of the number of actual dogs versus cats is nowhere near so lopsided. This is due to the large number of ‘cat collectors’ in Canada.
Most residents of Washington State were born in California.
Canadian English has 47 different words that mean some variant of “snow”, 23 different words for “frostbite”, and 11 words for “dead battery”.
The combined square footage of all “California King”-size beds in California is the same as the combined square footage of all mobile homes in Arkansas.
Californians eats more avocados by weight than Wisconsiners eats cheese.
Among Californians with a drivers license, 73% spend more time in a car than they do watching television. Also, 36% spend more time in their outdoor jacuzzi than watching television.
In Los Angeles, a person is, on average, 1161 feet from the nearest taco truck.
In San Francisco, the average value of an unhoused person’s campsite is $108,842. If it has a parking space, the value goes up to $142,038.
Top Ten Sports in California:
- Surfing
- Beach Volleyball
- Rollerblading
- Naked Beach Volleyball
- Car Waxing
- Tennis
- Mixed Doubles Naked Beach Volleyball
- Coyote Hazing
- Bikini Waxing
- Smoking Weed While Leaning Against a Joshua Tree
In Florida …
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The highest and lowest points are 1000 miles apart. And 50 feet different in elevation.
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72% of residents were born in or immediately near New York City. Another 20% were born in New Jersey. 5% were born in some other state. The remaining 2% were born in Florida. Each group hates the other groups’ guts. And their accents. 35% of drive-by shootings are caused by these accent-based disputes.
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The state’s favorite pet is the Everglades reticulated python. The state’s favorite pet food is the Pekinese.
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When Florida Man mates with Florida Woman in 82% of cases the result is Ron DeSantis. Sometimes instead it’s Beelzebub.
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There are more yachts over 100 feet in length parked in Florida than there are double-wides parked in Arkansas.
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In a typical year, more lightning hits greater Orlando than hits all of Texas.
30% of Boston residents think “Old Money” refers to their parents.
30% of Boston residents think “New Money” are those stupid Sacagawea dollars.
90% of Massachusettians would replace the “God” in “In God we trust” with “Kennedy”.
After winning an important competition Boston residents are known to exclaim, “I’m going to Hyannis Port!”
Bostonians never visit Arkansas because they think “hot springs” is a sexual reference.
99.99999992% of the Texans who own Truck Nutz own 0 bovine creatures.
78% of Dallas residents run red lights on a regular basis. 8.1% of those do it while flipping the bird to the people waiting for them to clear the intersection (with or without those waiting sounding their horns). Both are increased by at least 5% when in Oak Cliff, or if the offending driver is attempting to turn left. If they are attempting to turn left in Oak Cliff, it is 15% higher.
80 percent of Ontario residents think that Laura Secord caused the Americans to retreat in the War of 1812 by instructing her soldiers to throw chocolates at them.
Good one!:
But I’d amend that just a tad:
99
.99999992% of the Texans who own a TruckNutzown 0 bovine creatures.
The average Texas high school’s stadium seats more people than there are students in the student body.
The average Taiwanese person spends 276 hours a year sitting in 7-Eleven, Family Mart, or OK Mart.
The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders have the highest plastic-surgery per capita percentage of any sports team cheerleading squad.
The average Austinite spends 18 hours a year griping about capitalism, and the remaining hours all hogging the Mercedes SUV, Apple Mac, and planning their next $50,000 wedding.
Over a lifetime, the average Californian spends 4.6 years waiting in line at the In-N-Out drive-thru.
The Amish in Southern Merrylande gather nightly for Karaoke in their neighbor’s barns.
God only knows how many Yorks are out there, Yorking about undetected.
Montrealers are require by law to eat poutine at least 4 nights a week.
4 out of 5 California natives agree: The reason California has the fruits, nuts, and flakes whereas Texas has the rednecks and racists is definitely that California got first pick.
Among BMW drivers, 8 out of 10 agree with the proposition that “I drive like an asshat.” Whereas 9 out of 10 agree with the proposition: “and my car entitles me to do so.”
And when you consider the conceptual concealment afforded by the ‘ideational clutter’ generated in people’s minds by such things as York Peppermint Patties and Yorkshire terriers, the total number could be alarming. They could be anywhere.
When you crunch the numbers, the biggest guzzler of gas, producer of pollution, generator of greenhouse gasses and contributor to global warming are the two kids on my street that drive their ATV around the block all day Saturday, Sunday and after school.
Björk?