Make Up Your Own Fox Reality Show!

Every two weeks or so, the phrase, “Just when I thought Fox couldn’t sink any lower!” floats over the ether. Now, it’s Married By America that’s provoking the jaw-dropping. But come on, we’re Dopers, we can do better than that!

Celebrity Chop Shop
In which various grade B has-beens compete to see who will have a portion of their anatomy hacked off on live TV! In the first week, Mayim Bialik loses a pinkie finger, and Ray Jay Johnson is decapitated!

Who Wants to Schtup an Animal?
In which everyday Americans are forced to choose between sex with various members of the animal kingdom for big prizes!

Celebrity Treasure Hunt!
Each week, contestants have to go to a cemetery in the dead of night and dig up a celebrity—those bringing back the remains of the biggest stars win and go on to the next week’s competition! Hosted by former L.A. coroner Dr. Thomas Noguchi.

America Chooses Which Celebrities will be F*cking Animals! In which a selection of celebrities attempt to revive their careers by allowing the viewing public to choose which of them will get hot barnyard lovin.

Live action version of ‘Celebrity Deathmatch’.

You know it’s coming. Someday.

Who wants to have sex with Joan Rivers?

Big Brother with John Ashcroft

Joe Free of Sexually Transmitted Diseases

Survivor: Baghdad

Okay, here’s one I’m dead serious about:

Realympics

The Olympics are supposed to be an amateur competition, but that line has been blurred. So we make it really amateur. Like jury duty. People are chosen at random and brought to the site. Then, they are informed which event they will be participating in, and they have three days to learn how to do it. After the three days, they compete.

America’s Most Drunk.
Really. How could this not be funny?

Executed By America

Accountants!

Filmed on location in the offices of today’s young accountants.

All audits and financial statements are assumed correct and conducted according to generally accepted accounting standards and practices!

Watcha gonna do when they audit you?

The Juice Life

Set up six blonde single super models to live in Brentwood with O.J. Simpson and each week viewers vote to see who will get “cut”.

hosted by: Charles Manson

. . . Why do I harbor the hideous suspicion that someone from Fox is lurking on this thread and jotting down notes? . . .

Get 20 people, ten guys, ten women, from the Straight Dope board. Then the other members decide who marries who without the 20 knowing. Then put them on an island with no food or computer or condoms. Each week the board votes off a couple.

I would definitely watch Realympics.

How about a real life version of clue: Like the mole, except the mole kills one of the contestants and the remaining ones have to figure out who the killer is.

Donner House Party
Like Big Brother, only we don’t supply them with food . . .

I need a hidden camera show where they tell someone a family member has died, let it set in a day before the funeral, then at the funeral everyone is in on the joke except this person. They then “come alive” during the funeral. Everyone there acts like they don’t see a thing. (dark humour funny).

Or a guy goes to his friends house at like 4 in the morning dressed in a tux. He wakes the guy up just to talk for a while about life and stuff. After he leaves (walks away down the street, no car) the next morning someone call the guy and tell him his friend died the night before after being in a coma struggling for life. (morbid again but not beyond Fox).

Automotive Dance Party
Each week we put a celebrity or two in a classic or nice new car and send him or her off on a road trip with the ADP Dancers. They drive around listening to popular and classic songs while grooving and dancing in the car and having revealing conversation with the host, who will be the driver.

"Tonight on Automotive Dance Party, Robert Downey, Jr. talks candidly about his drug problem while driving at 80 miles an hour in a 1957 Thunderbird ragtop down the dangerous Pacific Coast Highway! Featuring the music of Pink, Parliment Funkadelic, and Hank Williams, III!

Next week on Automotive Dance Party, Colin Powell on his presidential ambitions in an Army Hummer zooming across the Mojave desert with special guest star Christina Agulara!"

Fox and Friends
The No-Spin Zone
Hannity and Colmes

Oh, wait …

I was getting my Matt Groening fix on FOX last night, and saw several commercials for Married By America, and I was thinking about this same bottom-of-the-creativity-barrel as was Eve. My idea for a FOX show is a riff on Joe Millionaire.

Take a guy, and convince HIM that he’s become an instant millionaire, and have him go through the courtship dance with a dozen or so women. Thing is, the women all KNOW that he’s just a sucker. The woman who lasts through to the end of the series gets a million for herself.

Of course, to avoid any danger of an embittered female spilling the beans after her elimination, each week’s eliminated women would be immediately transferred to FOX’s sister show: Executed By America (created by CalMeacham), where viewers get to vote on the method of her demise.

This whole discussion is creeping me out. What say we just go straight to The Running Man and leave it at that?

Who Wants to Cough Up a Lung! America’s finest people compete to see who can smoke the greatest quanity and broadest variety of U.S. brand cigarettes. The winner gets to test his or her luck by suing tobacco companies for failing to inform them that marathon smoking may make have harmful effects.

Real World - Survivor

Take 4 people from anywhere - Hicksville USA, and send them to (for example) NY City, give them $1000,00 each, they have to get shelter, a job, basically make it in a Big City, any Big City will do - Chicago, L.A., San Francisco. The chosen can bring clothing, their job skills, resume, etc. Whoever makes it the best gets a Million Dollars, and they decide whether ro move back to Hicksville, or stay in the Big City.

Blindfolded B-grade celebs get beaten like a pinata by a village-full of Mexican 6-year-olds.

Week one: Rutger Hauer.