Title says it all. Can You Outfight a Fifth Grader? (a Bing Crosby Production)
Who Wants to Adopt Dannielynn- hosted by Andy Dick. Contestants vying to adopt Dannielynn must explain in as much detail and eloquence as possible why they would be able to give Dannielynn a loving, stable, caring, nurturing, and wonderful home… while covered in hissing cockroaches or performing other physical challenges. A Howard K. Stern/E! TV production.
**Apprentice: Little Nick Corozzo- **it ain’t bein’ fired you gotta worry about, but it’s a whole lot more than 25 stacks you get if you win.
Is Your Fifth Grade Class Smarter than the FBI?- 5th grade classes across the country are given training in government databases, assault weapons, and surveillance techniques, then a list of the FBI’s 10 Most Wanted. Let’s see who brings in the mostest and the firstest.
Who Wants to Be in Screech’s Next Porn Tape? (makes as much sense as the show where the prize is being Flavor Flav’s girl, at least)
That’s enough now- you pitch some. (Doesn’t have to be reality show or game show- can be anything.)
Slob Squad A crack team of hosts including Chris Matthews, Jerry Springer, Nancy Grace and Rosie O’Donnell tour the neighborhoods, knocking on doors and insulting people into a coma. Audience simulated with 50’s style laugh tracks and Gong Show noises. Five-minute commercial breaks every three minutes. Loud, one-instrument soundtrack featuring outtakes from American Idol failures. Garish colors, screeching voice-overs, repetitive themes, many close-ups of Jerry and Chris mugging for the camera.
**My Six Folks! ** There’s Egg Donor Mom, Surrogate Mom, Sperm Donor Dad, Surrogate Mom’s Husband, Sperm Donor’s Wife, and Egg Donor’s Girlfriend, and they all share joint custody. Adding to the wackiness is the variety of mixed races, ethnicities, religions, educations, accents, and fashion senses among them. And let’s not forget the uptight next-door neighbors who are soooooo disapproving. Starring Bingo the dog, who narrates the story from his point of view.
Pilot episode: Explaining the facts of life to little Tiffanye who doesn’t understand why all her friends just have one mommy and one daddy. Hilarity ensues!!
America’s Next Runaway– Watch as 15 year old girls decide to leave home and make it on their own. Episodes will include girls resorting to prostitution, selling drugs, and shoplifting.
The Still Life Gallery– Each one hour episode will feature a still life portrait. There will be no narration, nor explanation of the portrait. The scene will only change for commercial breaks.
Sgt Schwartz, The E True Hollywood story– A complete bio of my daily life. Highlights include Sgt Schwartz buying beer, reading the SDMB, and watching TV.
Law and Order: Traffic. Not drug traffic, just traffic. In the first half some motorist gets a ticket for speeding or DUI, in the second half he goes to an overcrowded courtroom and tries to talk a bored judge into dismissing the charges.
Widower with three daughters allows his childhood friend and the wife’s younger brother to move into his San Fransisco home. The plot revolves around three “swinging” bachelors trying to raise three girls.
Beat the Reaper : A show that watches a dozen people in real time with split screen. Object : Be the last person to die of old age.
The Scream : A show consisting of nothing but screaming, tantrum throwing infants and small children; vote over the phone on which is more annoying.
The Paint Drying and Grass Growing Show : What it says.
The Bush and Friends Justification Show : Hours and hours of nothing but Bush and crew trying to justify their actions and explain how it’s all been for the best.
The Crabs: Like Mr. Ed, only instead of a horse it features an infestation of talking pubic lice. Since they know absolutely everything about their host’s sex life – and are in a position to frighten off his/her potential partners – hilarity is sure to ensue! “Allright, guys, I’ve had it! You keep your mouths shut with this one or it’s the shampoo!”
Mohammed and the Professor, even more relevant today as it was in the Seventies. Mohammed returns to Earth and finds a job as the butler for a conservative political science professor and columnist. As a special twist, and to avoid offending practicing Muslims, the entire show will be shot so as not to show the actor playing Mohammed!
The first time around it failed because the Rhoda spin-off It’s Carlton! used the similar gimmick of the unseen central character…
The Scotch Tape Channel – Idea borrowed from old SNL skit where a store in an upscale mall carried nothing but Scotch tape in various dispensers.
This channel has guest interviews with Scotch tape experts and spokespersons. Using other home shopping channels as models, large batches of scotch tape on ready-to-ship skids are offered with “operators standing by” and a countdown clock that works in weeks:days:hours:minutes:seconds:milliseconds until this offer is finally closed. Previews of coming offers for next month are inserted as commercials.
Dazzling juggling acts and hair-raising high-wire acrobats keep the entertainment flowing. Occasional on-air appearances by Andy Williams and Donny Osmond in Bluegrass high-lonesome close harmony doing songs of the Golden West and Sea Chanties. To maintain the Minnesota connection with 3M, interpretive dance versions of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald are done to a Garrison Keillor reading over Gordon Lightfoot’s guitar.
Tasteful spots featuring Al Franken for Senate are run on the 8’s,
Nothing could be more ridiculous than a Hitler based a sitcom. If, in some alternative bizarro world, it was given the green light, it could be called Heil Honey, I’m Home :smack:
Too bad. It would have been a perfect comeback vehicle for Bronson Pinchot (who’s already proven he can do funny foreign accents).
Survivor: Jonestown- filmed on the actual remains of the People’s Temple Agricultural Project in family friendly Guyana, Jeff Probst dons dark glasses, does lots of drugs, insists all contestants call him “Dad” or “Father” and Loyalty Tests replace the Tribal Councils. In each competition one contestant wins immunity while one member of the team gets a night in the box, and the competition may end at anytime if Probst becomes convinced that Fox and NBC are sending mercenaries to destroy the show’s credibility.
REAL WORLD: BAGHDAD- Seven entitled American teens and early 20-somethings with good bodies they don’t mind showing and lots of angst agree to have their lives taped while living in the Ikea and Bobby Trendy redesigned wing of one of Uday Hussein’s former pleasure palaces and creating a cable access show called “Shi’ite Happens!” Special guest appearances by Puck, Ann B. Davis, and the B52s.
If I Did It On a Weekly Basis…- a weekly show in which O.J. tells exactly how he’d kill famous and not so famous people from movie stars to supreme court justices to just Ma and Pa Regularfolks. His nightgoggle guided tours of their homes is a high point, especially as co-host Bobby Trendy redecorates while OJ does his creepy crawly inspection.
I’m sorry but I would at least watch that pilot lol. And the one with various custodial parents too. My picks:
Survivor: Border Patrol - contestants try to cross the border illegally.
Crazy John - follows the adventures of a man who is well known in a community due to his wandering around and helping with random things like putting away shopping carts, but is practically incomprehensible. Since we are always following John, we just see glimpses of the other people when he happens to encounter them and we use these clues to figure out what is going on. His random acts of helping people also have unintended but usually ultimatly positive consequences.
