AKA, the Goofy, Unexplainable Mistake Thread.
I once prepared French toast for myself–mixed milk and raw egg in a bowl, heated the skillet, got the bread. Dipped two slices of bread in the milk-egg mixture. Got syrup and butter for the French toast. Ate half of one slice before realizing I hadn’t cooked it!! [ :o to the nth power]
Please post unforgettable–and preferably harmless–goofs you’ve made, after which you can only blush and look the other way…
Has anybody not put the cereal box in the fridge and the milk in the pantry?
My cousin went one better and after eating put his paper plate in the dishwasher and his stainless flatware in the trash can.
Add to this thread and help Geico with their ad campaign! 
Well, just this past weekend I enthusiastically sang three choruses of “Itsy Bitsy Spider” while driving to the store before I remembered that I’d left the baby at home with his dad.
Ddid anybody hear you, Cher? 
The Monterey Doper’s meeting. Enough said.
I’d like to cut your head off so I can weigh it. What do you say?
À la cher’s parental disconnect (and this is not a lie): last week at lunch I actually reached over and started wiping mustard off a co-worker’s face. Did it without a thought or word. Didn’t notice until everyon ehad stopped talking and started staring.
Runner up: once while sleepily pitching woo in the sack with my SO, I leaned over and planted a tender smooch upon my own damn shoulder. If you think she’ll ever me live that one down, you don’t know my SO.
The original post reminds me of a joke I just heard: Just before the last big storm, everyone in line at the supermarket was buying bread, milk, and eggs. Why did they all think it was so important to be able to make French Toast?
Just the other day, I was taking a shower. I’d turned the water on, waited until it was nice and warm, got in, and had just grabbed the soap when I noticed that I was still wearing my panties! I knew I had been forgetting something. Of course, nobody saw me. Thank goodness.
Heck is where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.
Wiped a booger off of my friend’s kid’s nose, with my bare hand, then wiped it on my jeans.
I still can’t believe I did it.
A woman needs four animals in her life: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor
Years ago I lived on the top floor of a five storey walk-up, and as winter approached I asked a friend to help me remove a gigantic window air-conditioner I’d just bought the previous spring.
We got to talking as I spent the better part of twenty minutes struggling to remove all of the screws that held the A/C to the sash and sill, and upon removing the last screw (still in midsentence) I stood up and triumphantly raised the sash. Whereupon the A/C fell out the window and smashed into $1,500 worth of unidentifiable bits on the parking lot five floors down.
It’s been fifteen years and I’m still thanking the stars that nobody was standing down there.
Dr. Watson
“All life is six to five against.” – Damon Runyon
Well, I have told the story of running through a fence at Easter in a thread somewhere else on this board long ago. I have no need to recount it again.
I forgot my shorts before a basketball game in high school once. Thanks to the warm up pants, no one could tell I was only wearing underwear.
We went right out there and refused to do accoustical versions of the electrical songs that we had refused to record in the first place.
i was in the shower washing my hair when i realized that i had used clean & clear instead of my shampoo. so, i started over and DID IT AGAIN!
if wishes were fishes, we could walk on the ocean.
I’ve got a great making a fool of my self…
I was 15, had just gotten my drivers licence maybe a few months earlier. One day, I pulled up into my driveway, and got out of my truck. I jumped out of the truck (i have no idea what I was in a hurry to do) and the damn thing started rolling backwards. I tried to jump back into the truck. I made it about 1/2 way in. I tried to work the foot break with my hand. This didnt work and I proceeded to run my legs over. Truck rolled backward into the street, and hit the opposite curb where it stopped. I got into the truck and drove it back into the driveway. I went inside, the rush wore off, and damn my legs hurt! turns out I only brused them (it was a little shitbox nissan truck, so it was pretty light), but damn I felt like a fool. 
Kinooning it up for 20 years and counting
Last week, I was taking a shower and I was gaily scrubbing at my hair and wondering why the shampoo wasn’t lathering up on my head. It took about 30 seconds for me to realize that I had actually put conditioner in my hair instead of the shampoo. Okay, so nobody saw me make a fool of myself, but it was just funny that it took me so long to figure out my mistake.
Yes, I have also put the milk in the cabinet and the cereal in the fridge. One better, just yesterday I put the peanut butter in the fridge and the jelly in the cabinet.
Shadowfox
“The dead have risen, and they’re voting Republican!” - Bart Simpson
Stupid things I regularly do:
(speaking of shower) get in the shower with my glasses on, I do this at least 3 times a year!
Wake up in the morning, go to the fridge, thinking coffee but grab a beer…takes about a minute before I realize that beer does not go in the coffee maker.
Talk to myself…not just random thoughts but all out conversations, I usually do this driving and act like I am singing to a song.
We lived right by the PX/Shoppette in Germany. So I drive the car over there, so as not to have to lug all my bags home.
Buy everything, proceed to lug all my bags home.
Get home, wonder where the hell the car is.
Well, if he’s not going to explain, let me…
You see, there was this glass of beer and a bowl of salsa in front of DD and, see, he had had a few by then. Then, oh never mind…
Whether you’re fat or slim bubble your ting.
Fellas if you need help, use ginseng.
–Wyclef Jean
I have roll on body glue(use it to keep some of my costumes from oopsing). It’s approximately the same size & shape as my deoderant. I think you can take it from there…
Several months ago, I went to work with my shirt on inside out. I was wearing my jacket, so I might have gotten away with it (I went to the bathroom first thing and took care of it).
i’ve left TV dinners in the oven before and forgot to turn the oven on. Never got caught, but it does make me feel special.
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
Dig–once I went to work wearing two different shoes. I get up earlier than my wife and typically dress in the dark. But do you think my co-workers were giving me any love for that?
Maybe I should have tried sneaking into the bathroom and turning my shoes inside out…