Giving my two-year old a bath a few nights ago, accidentally grabbing bottle of Hartz Rid Flea Dog Shampoo and sudsing up my son’s head. Gave dog a bath night before and left bottle on bathtub. Wife gave me a lot of shit about this. Kid apparently has no after effects despite all the gruesome stuff I saw when I read label. Definitely not Johnson’s No More Tears, glad I didn’t get any in his eyes.
Like I said, thankfully, no after effects observed on kid, except for new tendency to chase cars and bury things in backyard.
I went to Denny’s with my shirt on backward. I had a shirt with a little logo on the pocket. On the back it had a full size slogan. I sat in the crowded Denny’s with the little logo on my back and the slogan in front. Didn’t realize it until I got home that night.
Work is fine for killin’ time, but it’s a shaky way to make a living.
I was at my parents’ house visiting and when I left I noticed I had a flat tire. My father and I spent nearly an hour, using 3 different lug wrenches, trying to get the stupid lug nuts off. We’ve both changed tires before, so it’s not like we didn’t know what we were doing. The lug nuts wouldn’t budge - not even a smidgen. We finally gave up in disgust, cursing the power tools used at garages to tighten those things, and called AAA.
It wasn’t until the moment the AAA guy pulled up in the driveway that I realized (before he even got out of the truck - it was like a lightbulb went on at that precise moment) that my engineer father and I had been turning the lug nuts the wrong way and therefore tightening them! Talk about feeling like a fool!
“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” - Anne Frank
Bluepony: On the upside, if the kid was about to get head lice, he won’t now.
Today I parked the car, and instead of putting the transmission in park, I put it in neutral and turned on the headlights. I refuse to even contemplate what that means.
I have a friend who has a term for when you go into a room and forget what you went in for: It’s contemplating the hereafter. As in, “What did I come in here after?”
When I was in Jr. High, I joined the band. On the first day of class, the instructor told everyone that he was gifted in that he could guess everyone’s name without ever having met them. I have no idea how he was doing it, but by the time he got to me, he hadn’t missed a single person’s name. He looked at me, then started looking at the roll, he was stumped. He kept looking at me, and being young, I felt awkward for him, so I thought I should say something. I announced that “I’m hard”, meaning that I was hard to guess. Everyone in the class just busted out laughing, and to add to my embarassment, I had no idea why everyone was laughing. “What…? Why is everyone laughing?” Now the teacher couldn’t restrain his laugh any more. “What…? What…?” :rolleyes:
grab bags of groceries and carry to car; fumble w/ key, put bags away, etc. Wave at nice folks waving as I pull out. Stare like a dolt when the gallon jug of milk I put on the car roof sails off, bounces once and explodes into white spray.
Hey, Bluepony, don’t sweat the dog shampoo thing. I’ve used it on myself by mistake (Hartz Conditioning Dog Shampoo). I didn’t sprout tentacles or anything, but did want to hump people’s legs for a while.
place a phone call while doing paperwork; the person picks up–but I clean forget whom I called or why.
boil pasta; dump it straight down the drain instead of the colander.
Practice the bland cat look: “I MEANT to do that.”
Blue - You and my husband are one in the same. He grabbed the Dog Shampoo to wash his own meager allotment of hair uptop. Now he spins in bed three times before settling down.
My best moment has to be when I was TA for a physics class, and was demonstrating pendulum motion to my group.
I hooked, on a sturdy rope, a bowling ball into which a metal loop had been fastened (we always used this for this particular demo), and hooked this “pendulum” to the ceiling.
I grabbed the ball, walked backwards, brought it up to my nose and let it go, demonstrating that the pendulum will never swing back up as high as the height you let it go at, yadda yadda yadda, hence not breaking my nose. All students gasped as the bowling ball came back up but didn’t touch me, and everyone sighed in relief.
So, I stepped forward, turned to my students, and started talking when I felt this very, very very heavy object hit me square in the temple. I promptly passed out.
The department voted me best “demo” person that year…
Since then, I start twitching when I’m in a bowling alley…
I used to work at the public library when I was in high school. People, parents usually, would call and ask for someone to be paged and whoever answered the phone would page them to the front desk. So, one Saturday morning, I get a call – could I please page Jack Meoff. So, I did. Then I waited for Jack to appear. Then one of my co-workers (Fiona, very cute) comes over and asks why I did that. Did what? Fell for an incredibly stupid phone joke, that’s what. Boy, was I embarrassed.
Okay, now I feel better. A few weeks ago I went to work wearing one Timberland shoe and one Vasque hiking boot. I have to get up early for my 43-mile commute to work, and I’m preoccupied with how much I hate living in California. I just flaked.
I was so embarrassed that I went home and changed footwear… being careful not to change from a shoe and a boot to a boot and a shoe.
“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry
I was sending a e-greeting to a friend of mine last week. I filled in her name, and a
in-joke about a leprecaun PVC suit (dont ask). Sent the mail off. and forgot about it. went to lunch. someone came up to my machine, seen the e-greeting template, copied it and sent it to the rest of my office. I am now branded as a deviant and face daily ridicule.
My wife and I both suffer from “Mustard Alzheimer’s”, that is, buying things at the supermarket because you’re not sure whether you have any at home. Right now we’ve got 3 bottles of A-1 steak sauce in the cupboard.
(I have to take the blame for this one.)
My father told me that once he had to call “all hands, stand to for side-arm inspection” on the intercom. Instead, he called “All hands stand to for *short-arm inspection!” Some Waves standing nearby started giggling. He thought he must have said it wrong, so he did it again! (“Short-arm” is/was a euphamism for “penis”.)
Once he used the Captain’s gig to take the admiral’s daughter water skiing. He would have pulled it off, but the admiral sent a message to the captain to thank him for showing his daughter such a wonderful time. “Lieutenant Woods! Report to the bridge!” (Cap’n was a by-the-book type, y’see.)
“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry
A guard where I used to work said that when he was a raw seaman, the chief sent him to get some red-and-white striped paint for safety markings. He looked all over for some.
“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry
