Making an utter FOOL of yourself!!

Oh, dear God, I’ve found my People.

Countless locking-keys-in-car stories. I finally got one of those magnetic key-holders for my car.

I’m on vacation in Sartasota, FL with my parents. Nothing cooler than being in a spring break town with your parents. So My father’s in a particularly cranky mood. Parking was a bitch that day, we finally found a spot. I went to change, got the key from my dad to go through my underware and socks in the car. Throw said clothes in car, shut door, instantly realise something is VERY wrong. I locked the ONLY key the rental agency gave us in the car. My wallet, with my AAA card, is in the car. After scrounging change for the pay phone, and finding the number for AAA, I call them. I wait with the car while my parents go to the beach. An hour later I call AAA again. The locksmith had gone to the FRONT of the store I had given as a landmark, instead of the BACK where I told AAA to send him. 1/2 hour later, I get the key, and all is well. But I missed 1/2 day of prime beach time.

I’m not sure if this is embarrassing to me…

I was at a party, I guess drank a little to much so I decided to lay down on one of the girls bed, anyways, the room was dark and I felt someone straddle my back and start giving me a back-rub, *now I’m thinking, wooohooo I’m going to get lucky, I let this continue for a few minutes…then I heard the person speak and it was one of the guys at the party…I immediately said “excuse me, I’m a fucking guy”…the guy jumped up and left the room,guess he was fooled by my long bob haircut…I went back out into the party,he was long gone by then…

I keep a “slim-jim” under the back seat in case I lock my key in the car. :wink:

“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry

Are you a turtle?

Coldfire: Gee… thanks <g>… and yes, the recovery was quick, the ER staff had a kick out of it, and when I came back to work two days later (still with a big nasty headache) my students greeted me with a “bowling ball” icecream cake.

Another embarassing story (well, not to me, but to my dear friend Katherine)…

First year undergrad physics. One of our friends walks in with this small portable radio with headphones. The “radio” tuner and stuff is hanging on its wire, in front of him.

Katherine, in her great wisdom, points to the guy’s radio, crotch level, and asks out loud (class of 350 students): “What’s that little dangling thing?”

He turned beet red, is still known as “Little Dangling Thing Boy”, and Kat spent about 5 minutes asking us, “What! What?! Whaaaat!”

Katherine has a talent - it involves putting her foot in her mouth, up to about knee level… :smiley:

E.


“Semper Ubi Sub Ubi.” =-)

When I was sixteen, my father bought me my first car, a full-size pickup truck (used). It was common in my neighborhood to ignore the rule against parking by the curb with the wrong side of the car facing the street. I parked that way, opened the door and got out, stepping from the truck onto the sidewalk. I then realized that I was parked directly opposite someone’s driveway and decided to back up 20 feet or so, not wanting to make it hard for them to get out. I jumped back in and started up the truck, put it in reverse, and backed up pretty fast. What did I forget to do? You guessed it: I forgot to close the door. I clipped a tree and bent my door completely forward. I had to wire it shut to get the dome light to go off, and for six months I got in and out of that truck from the passenger side, until I saved up enough money to buy another door at a junkyard.

The good news was, the “new” door was the wrong color. With a dented, rusty truck with a mismatched door, I TOTALLY had the right of way in my neighborhood (everyone else was driving Jags and Mercedes etc and was afraid they’d get scratched…I had no such fear).


Live a Lush Life
Da Chef

I grew up in a tiny town. Once, in the 6th grade, 4 of us on the soccer team were carpooling with one of the mom’s to go to a game in another town. The mom had to stop at her house to pick something up. They had these cows, I think they’re called Scottish Long Horns or something. They have very long hair and (surprise!) long horns. The sweetist, ditsiest girl in my class was in the car and screamed “See! Those are the Big Horny Cows I was talking about!” and the rest of us didn’t stop laughing until we got to the game. She never figured why we were laughing. Ever.

I just remembered something really embarrassing…

I blacked out a party once, and woke up in the hospital with intravenous in both arms and a diaper on…

the nurse came in and told me I had peed the bed twice during the night…I couldn’t get outta there fast enuff…thats my embarrassing story

For a professional engineer, I’m pretty bad with cars.

I once locked my keys in the car. Took me an hour to get my family out. And just in time too: the top was down and it was fixin’ to rain.

But seriously folks. :wink:

For our first date, I took this woman to the San Francisco Comedy Competition in Golden Gate Park. Well, we didn’t get their early (I’m not punctual either) and we had to park about a half-mile from the show. Well, GGP has a lot of twisty streets, all alike, and I’m parked on one of them. We enjoy the show and we’re getting ready to head home. Well… I lost my car… Me and my date are walking around for a half hour trying to find it. She finally gets fed up and tells me she’ll wait by the park exit. I finally found my car and picked her up. Amazingly enough, we ended up going out for about 6 months.

Same girlfriend, same car. Now, you have to understand that I’m in my early twenties, a total hippie (long hair, always smelling of pot and patchouli) and very lax about trivial paperwork details… such as registering or titling my car… or keeping my driver’s license renewed…

We drove down to Carmel for my birthday, to hang out on the beach a while. Now Carmel is not the most liberal place in California. I think Clint Eastwood was indeed mayor at the time.

Naturally I lock my keys in the car. So here I am, a hippie in an upscale conservative town, breaking into a car at 7:00 PM with no identification and absolutely no evidence that I own the car. I tell you, I got that car open in record time. Fortune does indeed smile on fools.

Another time… I’m picking up my friend from her apartment. There’s no parking nearby, so, since I’m just going to pick her up, I decide I’ll just park in front of someone’s driveway. I leave the motor running and the blinkers flashing. Of course, I lock the car as well, but I haven’t realized this yet.

I go in, pick her up, urge her to hurry since I’m parked in the driveway. Two minutes later I come out to find my keys are locked in the car, the guy who owns the driveway is trying to get in and he’s pissed, and there’s a cop car there. Remember, this is the same unregistered, untitled car and I still don’t have a drivers license.

I think my friend is really one of the Illuminati. She’s really a knockout too; maybe that’s just it. She bats her eyes and not only do the cops not arrest me, but they use their slim-jim to open the door for me!

I swear I don’t understand how I lived to be 30.

Once I went to school in my boxer shorts. I didn’t even realize it until someone pointed it out to me. They kind of looked like shorts so I don’t think anyone else noticed it.

Another great one is asking a brand new airman to go find a bucket of propwash. I once watched one said airman spend the entire duty day going from one department to the next trying to get propwash before he finally figured out what was going on.


Kinooning it up for 20 years and counting

SwimmingRiddles: oh yes, the naive blurt that never dies!

A friend went to UKansas; freshman year one of his shy engineering buddies was part of a coed table in the dining hall. A cute and clueless little darling was reading from her Psych 101 text and cooed, “why it says here that X% of farmboys have had sex with farm animals!”

The friend promptly blushed, one of those hideous flushes that start around the knees and turn the entire body bright red.

Of course he promptly became the center of attention and much laughter. For the rest of his college career he was met with “baaa! baaa!” wherever he went. He probably ended up on a NYC street grate, swilling Woolite.

Veb

At university, in class, I felt something odd inside the leg of my pants. I reached down and pulled out last night’s underwear. Of course a few people saw me, including the teacher who said, “What’s that?”

I replied, “My underwear,” and stuffing them in my pocket went about my business as if nothing unusal had happened.

I left my lights on once when I had my old car (a big boat). I had just gotten a new battery. So using jumper cables I attached them to the drained battery, but since it was night, I hooked the leads to the wrong terminals. By the time I realized this my battery was bubbling like crazy and if I didn’t take quick action to disconnect the cables I would have been covered in battery acid. The good thing was I took the battery back with the warrenty and just got a new one, but I sure felt dumb!


If at first you don’t succeed you’re about average.

Okay, SingleDad, if you know San Francisco—back in the 60s and 70s I lived in Santa Cruz and had friends in San Francisco. I drove up the coast highway to San Francisco one night to see a friend. We drank gallons of red wine and some other things and then I decided to go back to Santa Cruz, although I have no idea why. I also had no idea how to go about it and was hopelessly lost within minutes. I finally found the Pacific Ocean and from there it should have been duck soup. I remember, really truly and actually thinking, as I drove onto the Golden Gate Bridge that I did not remember crossing that bridge when I drove up to San Francisco. Only the most famous damn bridge in the world. I really had no idea of where I was until I saw a sign for the exit to Sausalito. My friend thought I went there on purpose and when she realized I was lost, she laughed for what seemed like years.


Crystalguy

My ex-SO and I used to eat at Greek restaurants almost weekly in different cities around the US years ago when we were on the road. I introduced her to Ouzo on the rocks, a Greek liqueur,which turns from clear to milky/cloudy when it hits water/ice. She was always fascinated by this.

Back at home some time later, we had guests over for dinner. She offered them this “really neat Greek drink” and poured us each one. We sat there watching it…do nothing! She said"just wait…" It continued to stay clear and do nothing.

When I discovered she had used gin instead of Ouzo, well, you know…

Crystalguy ROFL! Next time you drink, carry a rock in your right hand… And don’t drive, ok? :wink:


If Cecil Adams did not exist, we would be obliged to create Him.

I haven’t. The reason is simple: we keep both the milk AND the cereal in the fridge.

Why? Because when I was a child, I once got halfway through a bowl of cereal before I realized parts of it were SWIMMING AROUND. I keep flour and sugar and things in airtight jars, and cereal and bread in the fridge.



From an actual catalog: “Disco balls create an enchanting, dazzling effect of light shafts, adding movement and glamour to any occasion”
the Abrams’ bris was certainly memorable
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

Man, you guys with the fridge thing. See, we keep the peanut butter in the fridge too. Of course, we only buy the real fresh ground stuff and it has to be kept in the fridge, but still. Just put everything in the fridge and you won’t have these problems! ;D



From an actual catalog: “Disco balls create an enchanting, dazzling effect of light shafts, adding movement and glamour to any occasion”
the Abrams’ bris was certainly memorable
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com

I was about 10 years old, I guess. I’d lost my wallet and looked all over for it. I finally found it in the freezer.

“I must leave this planet, if only for an hour.” – Antoine de St. Exupéry

Are you a turtle?

I was in … 5th or 6th grade I guess. I used to ride the city bus home, and so did a few other kids from my school (our school didn’t have a school bus, it was a small Christian school). They were older than me and fairly mean on a regular basis. Well we saw a van drive by that had a map of Iran on it and a big screw. YOu know, “ha ha, SCREW IRAN”

Well I said “I would!” and they started laughing at me. See, in my naivite I thought that to “screw something” was to drive a screw into it…and that would be…like…painful or damaging or something. I had no idea that it had a sexual meaning. They made me feel like a total idiot for a long time after that. (not good natured teasing, but meanness, too)



From an actual catalog: “Disco balls create an enchanting, dazzling effect of light shafts, adding movement and glamour to any occasion”
the Abrams’ bris was certainly memorable
O p a l C a t
www.opalcat.com