When I was a young’un, I was the “animal kid” in our neighborhood, the one to whom all the other kids would bring baby birds and such that they found. One day they were yelling for me outside; the cat had caught a chipmunk.
I ran out and made the cat spit it out, and it lay there in shock for a moment. Suddenly the chipmunk came to and raced up the nearest tree or reasonable facsimile thereof: my sister’s bare leg. She commenced screaming, jumping up and down on one leg and shaking the other, until the chipmunk fell off and lay there in shock again.
In the meantime, I’m laughing my ASS off; between snorts and guffaws teasing her, the gist of it being, “Ha ha, I would never act that way, I’m the Animal Kid, etc.,” when the thing ran up MY leg.
I immediately commenced screaming, jumping up and down on one leg and shaking the other…
Strange things happen to my older sister. Once we were camping, and my parents and little sister decided to go for firewood. Older Sister decides to stay and read. She is sitting outside the lean-to. She feels a light “plunk” on her head, and realises a squirrel has landed on her head. Suddenly all the stories she heard as a child about squirrels (don’t feed them, they’ll chew off your face…) came rushing to her. She didn’t want to scare it and “make it mad.” So she didn’t move, hoping it would bore of her head, and leave. Then she feared that the people in the next campsite over would look over and see her with a squirrel on her head and think she was a nut case. So she started BARKING, trying to scare the squirrel. It was concerned, all right and left. But the image of my sister with a squirrel on her head has haunted me forever.
21 or thereabouts. Pittsburgh. Had a Quarter Pounder with pickles and ketchup, then went into a boutique. Didn’t realize until I tried something on and was looking in the mirror that I had blobs of ketchup in the corners of my mouth, like clown makeup. I had thought I had wiped my mouth thoroughly, but I hadn’t wanted to mess up my lipstick. Which was very nearly the same color as the ketchup. So maybe it wasn’t that noticeable. Heh.
“His eyes are as green as a fresh-pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard,
I wish he was mine, he’s really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.”
My cousin was stopping at my place one night in the spare room.He was real drunk and kept yelling that the hallway light was keeping him awake(there’s a bit of a gap at the top fo the door)
The switch is one of those automatic switch-off ones but the mechanism was getting slowly gunged up.
Eventually he got up to turn it off manually but bashed his left big toe on the bedleg extremely hard,wimpering,he limped over to the switch which turned itself off just as he reached.
The place was in pitch blackness as he returned to bed smashing his right big toe on the bedleg in the process.
The two different shoes thing: I’ve done that twice now. Once in church, I looked down and saw they were different. Nudged the wife and pointed at 'em. You shoulda seen her trying not to bust out laughing!!
Another time we were renovating a little house I own. She does the drywall finishing cause she’s better at it than I am. The tile guys are there too, and the 5 gallon bucket of tile adhesive looks just like the 5 gallon bucket of joint compound. So she’s slathering big gobs of this stuff on the ceiling and it’s not going well at all. Finally, she gets exasperated and tells me to try it. A couple of passes with the trowel and I know something is seriously amiss. That’s when we read the side of the bucket and realize why the stuff won’t feather out. It’s still up there!!
I just woke the hubby up with all my laughing, so I thought maybe I should share a story of my own.
It must be a genetic thing, because both my sister and I have lock at least one of our children in a car. At least mine let me in, she had to call the fire department to help her because her daughter, who does know how to work the locks, wouldn’t.
In my situation I had went to the store, and while putting my son and our things in the van, I had a habit of tossing the keys on the front seat.
Well, our van has a safety feature that it won’t lock if the van hasn’t been messed with after a certain amount of time. It also won’t lock if the van is running, and has a keyless remote.
There must have been a quirk in the system at that moment in time because I used the keyless remote to unlock the door. Opened it, put everything in, vaguely remember hearing the sound of the door locking, shut the door, got half-way round the van and realized that I had just locked my son in the van.
I hadn’t put him in his car seat yet so he was still floating around. He wouldn’t buckle until mommy got in just so you don’t get any bad ideas about me.
Anyway, here I am 8 months pregnant yelling for Dylan to let me in. (Come on honey pull the lock up. No, not the horn!) Some lady walks by and asks me what is wrong, and I tell her, now starting to panic that I have just locked my son in the van. She looks over at me and says “Okay” and walks away.
So now I am yelling at her about how rude that was, and why did she bother if she wasn’t going to help?
After 15 minutes or so Dylan finally unlocked door for me, we both buckled up and I went straight home even though I had more to do.
My husband wouldn’t let me live it down. For a week or so he would ask me if I thought it was alright for me to be out with his son without locking him in someplace else. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go along?”
Needless to say I never toss my keys in the car anymore!
When I was married to my first husband (for all of five months, the asshole! See the “Would you be a home-wrecker?” thread), we were using condoms as our method of birth control.
I come home one day to the landlord installing the screens, he had pushed the bed away from the windows, and find him standing in month’s worth of condom wrappers.
The Skankboy had been tossing the wrappers behind the headboard!
A very timely topic…last Thursday night, my hubby and I go out to eat with a couple of friends. After dinner, they realize they have locked the keys in the car. Well, we all have a good laugh about it, call the service people and joke around with him for a few minutes after he arrives. Later that night, hubby and I go to the store only to…lock our keys in the car! Same service, same guy. He couldn’t get the door unlocked for a good twenty minutes because he was laughing so hard!
Additionally, hubby tried to jimmy the lock himself while waiting on the lock guy and succeeded in completely disabling the passenger side door to my car. Now it won’t open or even unlock.