We get it. Anyone who falls into that situation has only herself to blame if she doesn’t immediately flee.
There’s nothing magical about abuse and no clear demarcation between an abusive relationship and a non-abusive relationship where you have to put up with a certain amount of unpleasantness.
Some people may find some level of “abuse” tolerable in light of the overall picture, and in addition may assume (correctly or incorrectly) that the abuse level is likely to improve.
Well, anyone who, after two weeks, gets a ridiculous set of rules like she got, and then continues the relationship, is strange to to me. It seems to be difficult to complain about those rules after already agreeing to them at the beginning. These weren’t things gradually implemented over years of a relationship, after kids were involved, or anything like that. It was right at the very beginning. Just seems strange to me why somebody would accept such a thing at the very beginning of a relationship.
Sure there is. When after two weeks, you receive a list of ridiculous rules that you are expected to follow. That’s a clear demarcation between an abusive relationship and a non-abusive relationship.
Truth is that my comment was intended more generally, in response to “why would someone stay in an abusive relationship?” type stuff that you see being brought up all the time. I’ve not been following the details of this particular story all that closely. Sorry if I was confusing in this regard.
I have to laugh at the username / subject matter combo here.
How is this in any way relevant? Have you or someone you know escaped from an abusive relationship? If not, I don’t know what, except outright victim-blaming, is the basis for your opinion.
He iseems to believe the laughable idea that a successful person couldn’t be fooled or coerced into a damaging relationship. I’m sure he’d have the same hard time believing that a successful male musician would ever be successfully conned by some sneaky gold digger. Also, if Chloe had been some unsuccessful woman, he would be more understanding.
Haha, just kidding. manson is totally full of shit.
Whatever you say, chief. Anyone who hears “I noticed you have a glass of wine with dinner. That’s going to stop.” before they even start dating, and then goes on even ONE date with that person has something wrong with them.
Like I said, I believe her story. It’s not hard to imagine a rich successful white person acting that way, that’s how it’s been done for years. I would like to see her give speeches around the country to young men and women, speeches where she says “If someone tells you that you won’t be able to drink, or see your friends, or talk to them in public, RUN THE FUCK AWAY! DO NOT DATE THEM! I MADE A BAD CHOICE TO DATE THIS PERSON. DO NOT END UP LIKE ME!”
That seems like something that might be effective.
That is what she said, you fucking moron.
Right. She said “And I made the choice to accept his controlling behavior, as he’d just left his long-term girlfriend and I assumed that he was going through some serious emotional discomfort”
But there are some here who are saying she’s not responsible for that choice. So what say you? Do YOU think she is responsible for the choice she made?
Of course she’s responsible for her choices, she’s not mentally retarded. Just like your grandma who got fucked over by a fake IRS scam.
Who would you point to as claiming she has no responsibility?
Here is an easy one. There are many others in the GD thread about this.
And here are two more, just from this thread.
This may come as a shock,** manson1972**, but people are very different from each other. Saying that Chloe Dykstra had emotional problems which made her vulnerable to a manipulative abuser is not infantilizing women, as all women are not Chloe Dykstra.
People have weaknesses. Others learn to exploit those weaknesses. I’m not sure why having a bit of sympathy for a young naive emotionally troubled woman who fell prey to a charismatic asshole is so hard.
Jesus fucking Christ. You see that word ONLY in my post? You are putting all of the blame on the victim. Did she make some bad, seriously bad choices? YES. According to YOU, there is therefore something wrong with her and apparently nothing wrong with anyone else involved.
Stop blaming the victim for not reacting to red flags the way you would have.
Your conclusion stretches to more than what I have posted. I’ve never contended that there is “apparently nothing wrong with anyone else involved”
Sorry, but those red flags are something that everyone SHOULD react the same way to. I’m not sure why that is so controversial.
I hope her story gets more people to react to those red flags in the appropriate way.
^^ because people are neither robots nor Vulcans. I know white guys are a bunch of Ned Crimwelts who love to preach about things of which they know nothing, but unless you’ve actually been in that situation and can put yourself in her place, you probably should best just shut the hell up.
Sure. You are absolutely right in everything you say. Thanks for letting me know the errors of my ways. I will never hold anyone responsible for their own choices again. Thank God you have saved me.