Male Centrism at the Dope

The BBQ Pit
1

We’ve had a few discussions here recently about whether women are being overly sensitive about content, or why women can’t just ignore things. We’re not being overly sensitive, and we can’t ignore it because there’s a constant stream of it. The content here at the Dope is problematic often enough that I wanted to illustrate that. Most of this post will be a list of threads (not posts, just threads) that are on the continuum from being insensitive to hostile to women. This is just from the last few weeks, and it’s not comprehensive. It’s just what stuck out to me on a quick survey.

To be clear, yes, I understand that not all men on this forum are insensitive or misogynistic or MRA. I understand that not all women on this forum are enlightened saints either.

The ask is that everyone thinks about what they post and why they are posting. It might seem like a little thing, but taken all together it adds up to a deep morass that becomes impossible to get clear of. Sometimes it feels like this place might as well be a men’s club.
First up, polls. Everyone enjoys a poll, right? Except when there are so many, so often, asking which women is “better” - then it gets old. Fast.

Dolores or Maeve [Westworld Poll]
A Firefly poll: Kaylee, Inara, Zoe, or River?
Monica or Phoebe
Ginger or Mary Ann?

Poll: Betty or Veronica?
Clara Bow or Marlene Dietrich?

Miscellaneous threads about women
Male author gaze on women character bodies Sounds erudite, but it wasn’t. It seems the OP doubted the sex of female author because a female character talked about her breasts. Information provided to the contrary was not accepted.

What do women think of being in the presence of scantily clad women (i.e., Hooters?) After reading the thread, I’m not sure what women generally think, but I now know about strip club policy for bachelorette parties.

So, Is Stormy Daniels A Good Porn Actress? 1) Does it matter? 2) Why are you asking here - there are entire boards for this.

False Rape Accusations - 2 threads at the same time - neither one really had a premise other than neener, neener, I TOLD YOU THERE WERE FALSE ACCUSATIONS. OK then. We need two threads for this why? Oh yeah, because we need to emphasize that women lie. Or something.
[Two false accusers likely won’t be charged.](Two false accusers likely won’t be charged.)
A false rape allegation

Skald-o-topia 2018
Friend A asks you to persuadeFriend B not to break their engagement. Do you try?
Part 1 - Surprise! Humiliation Porn!

Skald the Rhymer is annoying
Part 2 - Nothing to see here! Just ignore it. (With a side of support - thank you)

Limiting/flagging/forbidding post with content offensive to other members.
Part 3 - The Rule

Where is the “graphic sexual content”?
Part 4 - Rulez R Stoopid/Just ignore it Redux

Protip: Don’t tell someone with a concern about sexual impropriety - be it on a message board, or at work, or at party - to “just ignore it”.

2

Fully supporting this post. I could add many, many more examples.
Exception: disapprove of using the word ask as a noun. Otherwise all good.

3

Let’s not forget the “jokes” in this thread. Ironic that one of the jokers started Part 3.

4

Sincere question: what would you prefer men who agree with you to do? There’s a spectrum with white knighting on one end and joining in the bullshit on the other end, and just rolling eyes and scrolling past in the middle. And I’m sure I’m leaving some possibilities out.

Obviously different women will have different responses to that, and based on the recent teensy dust-up I’m not in 100% agreement with you on the details of every case. But I want this place to be welcoming to folks in general, and that of course includes women. I would be interested in what you think would be the best approach for folks who see threads like, say, a bazillion threads on which actress we’d rather bang, and think goddammit.

5

Pro Tip 2- Participation in this message board is entirely voluntary.

6

I don’t necessarily think this board needs to go straight into censorship in a vain effort to force people to be politically correct.

7

While I’ll grant that some threads are inherently problematic, it sounds like others are problematic only by virtue of the imbalance they represent. Take those poll threads, for instance: Yes, there are a lot of threads asking about preferences for women, and few asking about preferences for men. But maybe the solution to that is to create threads asking about preferences for men. You’re free to start such, if you’d like. Heck, I considered starting one myself, except that I don’t know what would even be a relevant set of men to ask about.

8

I’d welcome help finding solutions. Some things that come to mind: don’t start threads that propagate the issue; don’t participate in threads that promulgate the issue; speak up if something seems egregious; or report it.

On that particular point, fuck if I know. I started a Pit thread, which many people would rather not do. I thought about starting a poll on which “Chris” people preferred, but I decided that was too subtle. About all I can reasonably do, I think, is ask people to think about what they’re posting. Is 6 “who would you rather bang” polls too many? It’s like all those threads we had a while back on the tanks and t-rexes (I think). One was fine, 10 was too many, somewhere in the middle you should pause for a while. Since it’s subjective, make it on the low side.

9

I do love me some chicken wings. Right in this area, there is a Hooters, two Buffalo Wild Wings, Quaker Steak & Lube, and probably 3 or 4 dozen non-chain places that have them. There is also this place, called Mustache Pete’s, that serves wings. Their wings aren’t anything special. I could get wings as good or better at any of the other places. The thing is, I don’t like what the other customers at Mustache Pete’s talk about. it isn’t like when I go there that I have to be part of any of their conversations, but still. I don’t like what they are talking about. I think we can all agree that Mustache Pete’s management should monitor and censor what the other customers talk about lest it upset me while I eat my nondescript wings.

10

Skipper, Gilligan or the Professor?

Wednesday, Shadow Moon or Mad Sweeney?

:stuck_out_tongue:

11

To be clear, I didn’t ask for censorship. I asked people to think about what they were posting.

I shared the list so that people understood more clearly why women are saying that the Dope is not friendly to women.

You are correct, sort of. In one sense, the polls look like just a balance question. On the other hand, men are asking other men to rank women on their suitability as a mate. At a base level, that seems inappropriate. The only one where that might not be the case is the Westworld one.

12

Do you have any idea at all what this conversation is about or are you just here to be a smart ass? If it’s the latter, you’ve only got half of the qualifications.

13

Well, yeah, if you’re trying to eat near people having loud, graphic discussions about their sex lives. :smiley:

14

There can NEVER be enough tanks vs t-rex threads! I’ll take 10 of those any day instead of the lame “who would you rather bang” threads.

15

I feel like its almost always a good thing when any kind of dialogue is opened up and people are given the opportunity to hear what others have to say. You may not always agree with their worldview or values, or the things that they say but if they aren’t being disingenuous and saying how they feel its always an opportunity to learn something and maybe that something is negative but there is still a value in understanding others and maybe, just maybe both sides will leave the conversation with some new knowledge or outlook even if that conversation started with some uncomfortable statements. Open dialogue between others is a net gain, and lets us evolve as people.

16

You make ElvisL1ves and Clothahump look like two of the great minds of our time.

17

So, self censor as not to offend you.

18

As in, Evans, Hemsworth, Pratt, or possibly Pine? Sure, go for it. Most of them are even in the same continuity (like the Gilligan’s Island or Firefly polls).

On the Westworld one, I don’t watch it, but I think that in the show, there is actually a conflict between two sides represented by those two characters, and the conflict is based on philosophical differences, not just “who’s hotter”. One might, perhaps, question why the spokescharacters for both sides are female, but that’s a question for the show’s creators, not for the membership here.

19

The Betty/Veronica and Ginger/Mary Ann polls were mine. I thought they would be fun, harmless threads, but I see that they weren’t. I’m sorry. Live and learn, as they say.

20

Rulership by the most offended is not a great way to run anything.