Hey, thanks for some of these suggestions. I’ve noted a few of them (I like the notes, but I’ll try not to get stalkeresque with 'em, just in case he’s anything like Mr. Mudd). Looks like it’s time to spend a little “quality time” together, which admittedly we don’t do enough.
Oh, and MrVisible, been to Vegas, but never for my mindreading skills. As you can tell from me having to ask this question, they’re about as sharp as a marble. 
Yup, it’s all about quality time.
Which really means spending time together-- that ‘quality’ is superfluous.
<hoping I’ll get some this weekend> <sigh>
I have to agree on the letter idea. Whenever I get a personal letter from someone (written only, e-mail can only go so far), ANYONE, even just a normal friend, I absolutly love it. I’ve gotten in the habit of saving all my letters and notes, even the small ones, just for memories.
people responding to posts… communicating… aw hell lets face it being paid attention to is good, but sex is better. The mushy stuff? fergitaboutit.
Netbrian, I have to agree with you. Handwritten letters are indeed a dying breed. I guess that in and of itself makes them special.
For my dad’s birthday this year, I handwrote him a letter - resolving some issues we’ve had in our relationship, letting him know I’m glad he’s back in my life, etc. It was probably a 7 page letter. I was amazed at how much my hand was killing me from writing so much. And to think when I was in Junior High, we turned in handwritten reports that were that long.
Mouse-clicking fingers are mighty, but my handwriting muscles have atrophied.
I imagine he’s talking about the “little things”. Resting your head on his shoulder while sitting together watching TV. If you’re busy doing work or something, take a two minute break to go over and pay him a little attention. Little things to show you care, like notes left laying around. I love when I open my drawer and see a little “I Love You” written on top of my Post-It pad. I usually find them when she’s not around. A short shoulder rub or a few sweet words here and there. A phone call at work to say he’s being missed. A hug and kiss when he gets home. Picking something up for him when you go out (like the library thing someone mentioned above).
I think you get the idea. Not all men thrive on sex alone.
Of course, he should be doing the same types of things for you as well.
Just my thoughts, based on my own experience.
It sounds kind of like your SO just wants to have more attention (or “quality time”) paid to him. Appreciate him and the things that he does. Maybe he feels that he’s being “overlooked” a lot?
I’m going to second (third/fifth?) the letter idea. One of the little joys in my life is getting a letter from my fiancee.
I’ve never gotten flowers from a SO, but I have gotten flowers from the girls in my classes, I and really enjoy that. I would love it if my so sent me flowers. Then again, I am the guy who started the “I Like Chick Flicks” thread, so I may be atypical.
Themed token gifts are good. Find an interest of his, get inexpensive gifts that go with it, and dole them out a little at a time. For example, if he’s into baseball, a baseball card of his favorit player.
Let him pick the movie, and watch it with him without complaining.
When my therapist told me there were men who didn’t like being babied, I knew I had to get a new therapist—she was a liar, this one!
Since then, I’ve found a few men who don’t like being babied, but every one likes positive attention. It seems your SO is asking you to focus on his needs instead of yours.
Personally, if my SO said I needed to baby him more, I’d run screaming. But if my SO said he’d like more of my personal attention, I’d try to indulge him because I like him and want him to feel that. ** Drachillix ** says I make him feel special in the way I constantly touch him if he is within arm’s reach. When we are in the car, I rest my hand on his thigh. He likes to hold my hand when we walk. Standing in line, I’ll lightly rub his shoulders or press myself against his back. He says this shows him in more than words that I want him. As for the letter thing, I wanted to: I find the idea romantic. He thanked me and said it was cute. The letter resides under his desk somewhere.
Because your SO has asked for babying doesn’t mean you’ve neglected him, just that he wants something else, something that means love to him.
I would encourage you to take a look at a book called “the five love languages” by Gary Chapman. He normally writes Christian oriented stuff but this book seems to stick to basic facts without any major faith issues. The whole book covers basic concepts in how people percieve affection and excercises to help isolate what you and your partner REALLY want from each other. I found it fascinating reading and it helped me with a few relationship issues I had haunting me at the time.
Your second line I quoted scared me a bit because it is possible that sex is not all that big of a deal to an individual or not as big of a deal as some other methods of showing affection :eek:
I have the book, “Loving Each Other” by Leo Buscaglia and in this book there is a survey he did on 1000 couples. All of these couples had been together for some time and were asked what was most important in their relationship.
I believe that sex ranked fourth or fifth while communication was number one. Sex isn’t everything but it is a good thing. 
So what makes me feel special?
I believe that it’s when Lola and I can just spend time together… with four kids and extremely busy lives that can be a rare thing. We will often stay up much too late, after the kids are all tucked in so we can hang out. Sometimes we play cards, cuddle on the couch to watch a movie, or curl up in bed with some good books and snacks. Sometimes there’s even some mind blowing, toe curling, sex.
It will all depend on your guy. Maybe he likes getting gifts or would like tickets to a favourite sporting event. Helping someone with something that brings them happiness is always a good thing.
Perhaps just taking the time to ask him what makes him feel special would make him feel special. Knowing that someone cares about you enough to ask is a good thing in my book.
Lots of hugs.
Conversation time with him that is not interrupted by anyone or anything else.
A back rub.
Just to clarify my sex comment (because it seems to be an issue with some of you):
I added that comment, because I figured some wiseguy would pop on in and reply that getting a hummer made him feel pretty special. I was just trying to avoid getting the obvious smart ass answers. Nothing more.
Thanks for the book ideas. I’ll look for them and add them to my reading list.
Well, I doubt that this is what he meant, but I’ll tell you what my wife did that really made me feel good.
Her car is a 1999 Nissan Sentra with about 11K miles. Mine is a 1997 Subaru Outback Legacy with over 100K miles. The little clam’s seat is in my car and all three of us drive to work/work/child care together most mornings. I routinely moan about all the Kix® that little clam leaves all over my back seat.
One day I went to go meet the wife and the little clam and I didn’t recognize my car! It had been washed, waxed, cleaned inside and out AND IT HAD 4 NEW TIRES (and boy did it need them).
Cool, huh?
Eissclam.
Interesting question. “What does a man want?” Quite frankly it’s difficult for a man to honestly or comfortably answer but here goes.
Most men want positive attention for their efforts. Period. It is as primal a need as food and shelter and as important. Many men (including myself) although desiring positive attention (especially female attention) will dutifully slog along and not make any overt request for this attention. but hoping somehow, if we work hard enough or maintain our status as a good provider and devoted, caring SO that at some point “it” will come our way.
Many men are embarrassed or shy about being thanked or appreciated directly and women get the message after the 10th “Oh it’s nothing” or “Don’t worry about it” etc male response to their “Thank you” that is really is nothing and cease to give positive attention for the run of the mill stuff. In some cases women have been trained by their own childhood family dynamics that fathers and brothers do not want to be overtly thanked or admired or appreciated.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Inside, at the core of their emotional being men are egotistical, love hungry little boys who want Mommy to tell them they are the best and the brightest. It’s no wonder women get frustrated with this shadow puppet game. Too much and it comes off as insincere, too little and the mans feels vaguely inadequate. Like Goldilock’s favored porridge men want it “just right” and want the woman to be telepathic and innately know what “just right” is.
Some women do innately have this talent or skill and used judiciously it can make a relationship stronger than tempered steel, on the flip side, however, some women born with this talent and innate understanding of how men work can use it (for better or worse) to get literally almost anything they want out of men.
Many women (not all) have a huge blind spot on this issue and it has destroyed more than one relationship with the man telling the woman at some point they are “incompatible etc.” and the woman thinking “What the hell?! It all seemed to be going OK”. In this context some quite intelligent and otherwise desirable women consciously refuse to play this “game” precisely because they view it as a manipulative game and think the man should voice his emotional desires, as they do, if he needs or wants some attention, which unfortunately many men simply cannot do. The end result is sometimes that desired SO’s are lost to less intelligent, less attractive women who know how to play the game and understand that’s not an abrogation of personal ethics to work within the envelope of male behavioral limits and responses.
The best and most prized attention a man can get is a low key, admiring recognition by his SO for his efforts or accomplishments in front of friends, family or peers. It’s especially valued in front of peers and the man doesn’t have to directly face the positive recognition about him as it is being directed towards others.
To answer the OP - that’s what makes a man feel special.
Hmm. Very interesting, astro. I think you’re right for the most part. I must admit, that when stickboy made this comment to me, I was a bit surprised. I was actually quite pleased that he would actually TELL me that he was in need of something. Previous SO’s would have been a lot more hesitant to do so.
Just to update you all on what’s transpired. I made dinner last night for stickboy, a first in my new “scout’s sunday supper” TM series. I will be trying out new dishes each Sunday night - in an attempt to get me cooking more, but he’ll also get some benefit out of it. I’ve also tried to be a little more affectionate - holding hands, touching him every now and again. I know I used to do that at the beginning of the relationship, but probably got a little lax in doing so.
Basically I’ve got to remember that a relationship must be maintained. It’s not something you can take for granted. A good thing to remember for all of us.
Thanks guys!
My wife brought me home a Sponge-Bob Squarepants t-shirt today, quite unexpectedly. Didn’t cost much, wasn’t anything I had asked for, just a simple little thing. I thought that was kind of cool.
Which just goes to support “It’s the little things in life.” Sure, you could throttle him with your breastesses, but the unexpected actions are always nice too.
I never get treated special, no one makes me feel special, so i can’t help you. Sorry. 
Well, I can relate to that!!!
But on the original OP, stickboy seems to have some security problems or you have been treating him like a servant.
Astro has it correct - most men are slightly embarrassed by the attention, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want some recognition. I suggest that when he does something for you, give him a big kiss and hug (you may have to sneak up from behind him) and say something like “Thanks for <whatever>. You really are <great>.”
Bingo. Dead-on.
You say that like it’s a bad thing. My wife is honestly impressed with me. Hell, she thought I could actually fix things that were broken within the Navy’s bureaucracy, and with her soft-spoken confidence backing me, son-of-a-bitch if I didn’t succeed. I’d have moved heaven and earth to not disappoint her confidence in me (fortunately, it was somewhat easier than that ). When I won my little bureuacratic war, she told me “I knew you were good, but Wow…!”. At that point, I was a God, 10 feet tall, and bullet-proof. I didn’t just feel special, I was special.
Don’t go overboard. Keep it low-key, and don’t use it too much. Praise of this sort is a powerful thing. Too little, and life lacks that certain… something. Too much, and it becomes disgusting and off-putting. Save the real praise for the big victories. It’ll mean even more if it’s something that matters to you, that you can’t do for yourself. Achieving something important for your SO, that they need and can’t get for themselves, makes any man feel big, strong, competant, needed, and appreciated. Special.
That aside, little things go a long way. Mrs. Tranq runs her hands through my hair, simply because she can. I love the physical contact, the casual intimacy of it. She’ll walk up behind me, wrap her arms around me and rest her chin on my shoulder. It’s warm, pleasant, and lets me know, in a manner more fundamental than any words, that she loves me.