No.
Two things that others have said:
- Change your diet. More fiber, less bad stuff = firmer poop = less mess.
- Wet wipes. I keep a pack of 'em at work and at home. Since I go for a long walk at lunch, tend to get buttcrack sweat which is unpleasant if nothing else.
Also:
- Yes, women get skidmarks. I’ve seen 'em on white thongs, not attractive.
- Think “camoflage” guys - the slightest stain on white shows up like a signal flare. I have been wearing black Jockey athletic midway briefs for years and love 'em. Great fit, don’t ride up and much easier to keep clean. Come to think of it I’ve been wearing grey undershirts for years as well, they stay nice looking for a long time compared to whites.
Thank you for a totally gross thread title.
I don’t just wipe, I wash, and I never get skid marks.
American bathrooms really need to get equipped with bidets. I’m not going into details regarding how I manage to wash, but I always wash.
When I was a kid, my mom just made me scrub out my own skidmarks before putting them in the laundry. That solved the problem soon enough.
Yeah, I always figured the reason the army issued us brown underwear wasn’t just because it makes us blend into the forest.
Seriously though, I don’t see a problem. Wipe. If you’re still coming out dirty after two, three wipes maybe you should sit back down, relax and finish the whole dump, 'cause you’re not actually done yet. You might also consider visiting the restroom and tidying yourself up after a couple of those really loud ones you let rip 'cause everyone thinks they’re so funny.
Ewww. I figured that would happen which is why I simply do not understand how women can be so nuts about the things. How sexy is stripping off a skidmarked skivvy? :x No way I be wearin’ them - at least not for anything other than decoration in a situation where they won’t remain on for long 
Yeah, sometimes I have this problem. AFAICT, the aggravating factor is getting on an exercise bike at the gym. The seat crams my underwear right against my butthole and the pedaling motion grinds my ass clean…and my underwear dirty. Same workout except no bike = no skidmarks. Obsessive wiping doesn’t really help, although a shower between shitting and riding does the trick. Can’t always time it that way, though…
Three kids are bragging about thier dads:
“My dad can blow smoke rings!”
“Big deal! My dad can blow smoke rings out his nose!”
“So what! My dad can blow smoke rings out his ass!”
“How do you know?”
“When he takes down his underwear, you can see the nicotine stains.”
Hmm. Never had skidmarks, and I do have hemorrhoids. I think the reasons I’m so blessed are twofold.
First, I never get wedgies. Could it be because I wear boxer briefs? Perhaps they’re less prone to wedgification?
The second is because I have wonderful, regular bowel movements that just plop right out of me, no squinching required. When they exit my body thusly, one quick wipe is all that’s required, leaving little to no residue on the toilet paper. I can’t really say why my BMs have these characteristics because I’m certainly not a high-fiber consumer. I think the relevant information is thus: one corn muffin or scone per day, one banana or apple per day, one cup of good* yogurt per day (all of this post-BM, scattered through the day), and I have two strong cups of coffee as soon as I wake up. Then I wait for 45-90 minutes, and then things just happen.
*Stonyfield, with active cultures. I just went through two courses of antibiotics because of a walking pneumonia thing, and increased my yogurt consumption to two cups per day because I wanted to have the good intestinal flora take up residence again.
Damn, now I really want to know how that’s accomplished.
No skid marks for me. My poop secrets include spreading my cheeks as much as possible. Making sure I relax my sphinchter (sp?) as much as possible and push from the gut down. I don’t pinch anything until after the whole mass is out. I then wipe normally, finishing up by really jamming some TP up my butthole a few times until that comes out clean.
It’s now about noon in the Eastern time zone. Happy lunching everyone. 
That reminds me of the time my son’s teacher sent home a little form on the first day of school, like a little getting-to-know-the-kids questionaire. It was pretty standard: what is your child’s favorite subject, what subject gives him trouble, etc. The last question was: Is there anything else you’d like me to know about your child? That was a stumper, until his older sister suggested “Wipes with his underwear”. I filled it in (in pencil) and returned it to the boy with instructions to put it away so he wouldn’t forget to turn it in to his teacher, but unfortunately he looked at it first.
Of course, I’d have stopped him if he hadn’t noticed. I just like to mess with the children a little bit. 
Wasing in bathrooms in the States: Simply buy a watering can with a long slim neck. Fill it with water and keep it next to the toilet. Use as necessary… do you need more details?
Wet wipes are great. But I recall the last time this subject was brought up someone pointed out something that was like an epiphany: Not everyone has airtight anuses. So you can in fact wipe and wipe and come clean and then “leak” later.
Also eat more fiber.
Have you considered placing the roll of TP on the end of a cordless drill?
One word, son: Washlets.
They’ve become standard equipment on all new toilets in Japan, and they’re fantastic. The only downside is that after using them for a while, you feel filthy after using a toilet without one.
I was gonna post the same thing, and I wasn’t gonna go into details either. Thanks.
You guys still wear undies?
I just noticed that the ad link at the bottom of the page says “Cover Hillary’s Face”.
Pardon me while I run off and die laughing now
Whenever I read threads like this I weep for our primitive ancestors (and me, before about 1994) who had no way of learning this sort of thing about other people until the Internet was invented.
Jeez, now I have to unsubscribe to this thread, too!
I’m intrigued by but suspicious of the moist flushable wipes. How flushable are they really? We’ve got a septic and I err on the side of caution about it.
I’d be astonished if a big bowl of shredded wheat or oatmeal for breakfast every day didn’t ameliorate the skid issues. Seriously, you’ll be exclaiming to one and all about your marvelous poos which seem to emerge miraculously plastic encased. "Oh, I wiped, " you’ll say, polishing fingernails against your lapel, “but I didn’t really need to.”
Of course, you can overdo the fiber. Did you know that if you overindulge in delicious roasted pumpkin seeds, it will feel like you’re shitting a hedgehog?
toadbriar, you simply must post more often!