For Guys: WTF, Man??? (Wiping One's Ass)

I can go through almost half a roll of tp sometimes making sure that that last wad of paper comes back clean, and still, when I take off my briefs at night for the wash, there’s that damn streak!:stuck_out_tongue:

Anybody wanna chime in here and commiserate, or do any of you have some kinda biological explanation for why that happens, because I sure would like to know. I guess I’m not through shitting, even though I read stories in magazines or books on my Kindle, but it sure feels like I’m done.:o:)



That may possibly be creeping up on being slightly TMI. (Yay!)

Personally, I would never expect to be able to adequately clean feces off of skin with dry tissue paper. Suppose that stuff was on your nose: Would you be content to dab at it with a bit of Charmin and get on with your day?

As near as I can make out, the only thing that paper is good for is as a pre-treatment before doing a proper job with a bit of shampoo in the shower. Accordingly, I schedule my pooping for immediately before my shower, go about my day without feeling like Mister Shitbreeches, and never endure wry comments from my wife about anything she happens to find in the hamper.

Dark colored underwear. Problem solved. :smiley:

Maybe you have anal have leakage.

Two separate reasons - butthair and sharting.

Mercy! :eek:

Flushable wipes

I’ve never seen underwear in brown, pat, but that would sure do the trick.

One night I forgot to rinse out (and put into the dirty clothes) the washcloth I use to clean the anal canal and D stepped into the shower right after I left the bathroom and this is what I heard from the other end of the house:

[COLOR=“red”]BILL!!![/COLOR] It’s bad enough I have to look at your shitty-streaked underwear as it goes into the wash, but I am NOT having it in the shower with me too. GET IN HERE!!!



Wash. With water. As the people from the East do. Wash hands with soap after.

Clean and fresh ass.


Itchy Butt + Digging For Gold = Skid Marks?

There have been many threads on this in the past. So I’ll just quote myself from one of them:

I never clean up with just dry paper. Wipes, water/soap or something… always. Beyond that… If you have an awful time of it, you need something slightly greasy to help out, such a petroleum jelly (Vaseline).

Seconded. Seriously, they’re great.

Thanks. Did you actually read what I wrote, or just the damn title of the thread? You make it sound like I’m a pig, which I assure you I am not.

Seconding “bearing down” when you wipe. Your butthole probably tends to tighten up when you wipe, but then relaxes later when you sit down so that more of the inner surface touches your undies.
Thirding or fourthing wet wipes. I just buy regular baby wipes by the case (Parent’s Choice-Walmart-cheap) and keep a covered wastebasket in the bathroom. I scoop the kitty box into that same basket, so it gets taken out often.
Also, perhaps you need more fiber! Adequate fiber=minimal wipage needed.

ETA: regarding the wipes, if you use paper first, it’s not nearly as yucky as you’d think. Just use the wipes for a final rinse.

You just need one of these, available at your local Home Depot.

Caution! Don’t press button 3!

“Fiber makes me…sad”

Have you seen that idiotic commercial?:smiley:

And thanks, TCB (still wanna have lunch?;):D), et al.

I knew that people on a message board that features such thread titles as, “Ever shit your pants?” and “Am I farting holes in my underwear?” ought to be able to deal with what I wrote here without taking offense or being insulting (mostly)! :slight_smile:



As long as you wash your hands first! :stuck_out_tongue:

These always remind me of the Theodore Sturgeon story “Pruzy’s Pot,” published in National Lampoon back when it was awesome. You can hear it read by the author, here. (Spider Robinson in there, too - as it’s his podcast.)

Speculative fiction at its finest, and unarguably a Promethean view from 1972, when the technology hadn’t really advanced much beyond the Sears catalog.

You’d think that, back when royalty maintained the office of Groom of the Stool, at least one of them would have written a treatise for the benefit of mankind.