For Guys: WTF, Man??? (Wiping One's Ass)

[TriPolar]

@Larry_Mudd

These always remind me of the Theodore Sturgeon story “Pruzy’s Pot,” published in National Lampoon back when it was awesome. You can hear it read by the author, here. (Spider Robinson in there, too - as it’s his podcast.)

Speculative fiction at its finest, and unarguably a Promethean view from 1972, when the technology hadn’t really advanced much beyond the Sears catalog.

I had that issue. I don’t recall the story, my tastes in SF weren’t very refined back then (I was 16). I have to listen to it later tonight. Thanks for the link!

[GaryM]

When we built our current home, I planned for, and use a bidet!

[Two_Many_Cats]

Luckily, most households have their toilets within reach of the sink. Therefore, wet tissue at faucet, much cleaner results.

Let the water run a little hot, and it’s a sensuous experience too.

[Typo_Negative]

I always use flushable wipes. Or a wet paper towels if I am away from home. Helps me feel clean.

[rhubarbarin]

Why is this thread for men only? I suppose your problems are worse since most of you don’t seem to groom your ass-hair. But male or female, flushable wipes are the best way to go. Less wasteful, too. One does the whole job for me.

Damping your tissue with water is helpful in a pinch.

[running_coach]

@TriPolar

You just need one of these, available at your local Home Depot.

Caution! Don’t press button 3!

@GaryM

When we built our current home, I planned for, and use a bidet!

sings

Ah, bidets are here again.

d&r

[Rick]

Low carb diet + more exercise results in less volume and a harder finish. More like marbles. No skid marks.

[Fear_Itself]

@rhubarbarin

But male or female, flushable wipes are the best way to go.

There is no such thing as flushable wipes:

Flushable wipes? Try telling that to the sewer department in Falmouth, Maine, where they’re finding pumps fouled with flushable wipes or the Village of Germantown Hills, Ill., where flushable wipes now are illegal to flush. Given that the wipes in question will be loaded with the users’ DNA, the wipe police will be able to match wipes to offenders! The Portland Water District is planning to spend $4.5 million to upgrade in their battle-of-the-wipes. Search the net using the terms “flushable wipes” and “clog” and you’ll find clogged sewers and toilets overflowing all across America. Evidently wipes are quite good at draining consumers’ bank accounts, with people paying enormous sums to repair clogged sewers and water closets. Anger and tempers are overflowing too. After reading the litany of angry complaints, it strikes me as odd that some enterprising lawyer hasn’t yet filed a class action suit.

[Hennessy]

Shit once a day before you shower… G’ Luck

[Yorikke]

I keep a wad of tp in my crack. Keeps me dry - no feeling of wet ass-cheek sliding, keeps my undies clean.

Joe

[silenus]

Vary your direction. Two wipes down one wipe up. Clean as a whistle.

[Arrendajo]

Use a wet towel, bath size. Grab one corner from behind and run the other corner between your legs up front. Work it back and forth in your crack. Vigorously. Just flush it when you’re done.

[Quasimodem]

@rhubarbarin

Why is this thread for men only? I suppose your problems are worse since most of you don’t seem to groom your ass-hair. But male or female, flushable wipes are the best way to go. Less wasteful, too. One does the whole job for me.

Damping your tissue with water is helpful in a pinch.

Well, it seems to be us who have the hershey highways, or what Madeline Kahn referred to as “poo-poo undies” in Young Frankenstein.

I mean, do y’all discuss shit streaks in your panties? I chose to guess not, which is why I directed it to guys.

As for grooming ass-hair, I used to braid mine, so maybe it was the ribbons causing all the trouble?

I really liked Bob Ducca’s answer upthread. I’d never heard the phrase “sharting” before.:D:D

Q

[Hennessy]

@Quasimodem

Well, it seems to be us who have the hershey highways, or what Madeline Kahn referred to as “poo-poo undies” in Young Frankenstein.

I mean, do y’all discuss shit streaks in your panties? I chose to guess not, which is why I directed it to guys.

As for grooming ass-hair, I used to braid mine, so maybe it was the ribbons causing all the trouble?

I really liked Bob Ducca’s answer upthread. I’d never heard the phrase “sharting” before.:D:D

Q

Dang, sharting is a very common word now a days. I love it though, most commonly used with “I’m scared to fart”

[Mangetout]

@voltaire

There have been many threads on this in the past. So I’ll just quote myself from one of them:

I’m sure this works, but it could be prone to causing other problems, because you’re wiping slightly more delicate parts of yourself this way. If the TP is rough corporate stuff, this method will leave you sore.

[chorpler]

I’ve never used them (gotta love the bidet!) but I thought flushable wipes were supposed to fall apart and dissolve in water like toilet paper does. Do they not actually do that?

[Miller]

@silenus

Vary your direction. Two wipes down one wipe up.

I think that was a deleted scene from The Karate Kid.

[control-z]

I wad the paper up, leaving a smooth round wiping surface, and dampen it a little using the sink faucet. Not too much, not too little. Still takes a lot of wipes.

[Sicks_Ate]

I saw in another thread where a poster related that he/she was shocked to learn that some people poop -every- day.

I was shocked to learn that some people always have skid-marks. I always assumed it was due to a minor accident, or perhaps the rare insufficient wipe.

I honestly can’t remember the last skid mark I left. And if I did leave one, it would smell like lemon cookies.

[chaoticbear]

Something I posted in a previous thread and don’t feel like retrieving: If the restroom is single-serve or empty, I’ll grab a couple of paper towels and moisten them in the sink in preparation. If someone else is in there, I’ll use saliva to moisten the toilet paper. Sounds silly, but it’s better than sewer trench.