Of the Dopers who are married (or otherwise living together): assuming you are both able to drive (no obstacles wrt eyesight/driver’s license/car insurance) the same vehicle, who usually drives when you’re driving together, and why? I’m wondering if couples (especially parents) still tend to have the man driving most of the time, and if there’s any reason for it (Dad always drove when you were a kid; couple agrees man is a better driver; woman prefers not to drive; man won’t let woman drive/is an insufferable backseat driver when not driving). Was this ever raised as an issue when you got together? Has anyone noticed the situation in other cars?
And not to exclude members of same-sex couples (I mean, you know, chime in if you want to), but you’re probably not influenced by gender roles the same way…oh, you know what I mean.
My husband almost always drives. First of all, he enjoys driving and I don’t. Secondly, I am a lousy driver. I have an excellent safety record, but I don’t drive smoothly. Since I know I’m a lousy driver, I get nervous and drive even more jerkily when I have someone in the car with me. So he drives.
Yep, I’ve noticed this trend. We share the driving 50-50 simply because we both love to drive, and neither is prepared to be the default passenger.
My mother drives herself, but if both parents are in the car, mum only ‘gets’ to drive when dad has had too much to drink. Then he either snores loudly, or comments on every little thing she does wrong (real or imagined)
My MIL always makes a point of saying how much of a hassle driving is, and how she’s glad she doesn’t have to bother. She also often asks “Is my boy o.k ? You’re not driving …” when I’m getting in the drivers seat. I just smile and let Mr Goo tell her for the millionth time we share everything, even the driving
So from those two backgrounds, we’re both quite happy to share the driving equally, as neither of us want our relationship to end up anything like either of our parent’s.
I drive whether I want to or not, simply because my g/f likes being driven about. Actually, don’t mind because I’m a nervous passenger. I feel much more comfortable driving (and also the time seems to drag when I am just sitting there in the passenger seat).
Ya know, it’s weird, when I was a kid, my dad always drove when we went anywhere in the car together. But now that he’s in his late 50’s, he never drives. Even when he rides with me, I drive.
He says he feels like the cars are “coming at” him. I see this a lot with older couples…the women driving after a certain point. I wonder if it’s their failing eyesight or if they are suddenly plagued by the paranoia and driving fears others of us get when younger.
Husband almost always drives. One, he’s a control freak and can’t relinquish the wheel. Second, he’s 6’2" and the passenger’s side seat doesn’t adjust, so he’s sorta uncomfy when he’s not driving.
Third, it makes him happy, and it’s not a big issue to me, so why not? I’ll be hauling his ass around when we’re retired anyway. (Ever notice that with old couples, the woman almost always drives?)
I, the woman, or my girlfriend (another woman), drives and my hubby sits in the back seat. Before I got a girlfriend, I drove with hubby riding shotgun. If it is night, especially if it is raining, I drive.
Hubby tried to pull the I-should-drive-because-i’m-the-man crap on my when I was trying to get my license. I pointed out that I had to practice and that macho crap was going to make it more difficult for me to get my license. After I got my driver’s license, at first we shared driving equally and gradually I became the driver.
For the most part, my wife and I split the driving pretty evenly. I tend to drive more often when we are in our truck, while she drives more often when we are in our car. No real reason for it that I can tell, except I like to drive a stick (the truck) more than she does.
I drive almost 100% of the time. My wife offers at times to drive, but she only does so as a gesture in case I want her to take over. For some reason, if she does take over the driving it does not last long, because she gets sleepy. The reason I say “for some reason” is that she will take off and drive by herself to Memphis (1-1/2 hr. drive) with no problem. A few years ago, she would drive to Atlanta by herself and many years ago drove from Cincinnati to Tupelo with the kids. So it isn’t that she can’t, it is just that if I will do it she is happy sleeping, reading, etc.
I don’t agree that when you get old the woman usually takes over. It most likely is whose eyes, nerves, reflexes, etc. are the best. The fact that women outlive men may play a part in this, but this is the first I have ever heard this UL.
When we had two cars - which we owned before we got married - whoever owned the car we were using drove. Now that we live in London with only one car, the whiff tends to drive (or rather, she decides who is going to drive) since she cares and I don’t…
when we need the space of a car with alot of boot room we take mine, and i drive.
when room doesnt matter, we take his car and he drives. if i ask he lets me drive, i only ever ask if we are doing a nice weekend road trip or something, i find no joy in sitting behind the wheel in rush hour traffic.
mostly we take his car because its a cute little MX5 covertable and mines a piece of crap.
When the husband and I are on the road he does most of the driving. Although I’ve been driving 20+ years, have a great record (knock on wood), and so forth, I’ve never been a big fan of driving for it’s own sake. It’s just a means to an end for me. The husband, however, does like to drive. He positively enjoys it. So it makes sense for him to do the bulk of it although I’m happy to take over on long drives, or if for some reason he doesn’t feel up to driving.
I’ve been accused of kow-towing to gender stereotypes on this, which is a real hoot for anyone who knows me.
Caught@Work, I totally hear you. My wife has an eye for aesthetics and if she sees something pretty off the side of the road, she’ll stare at it and forget she’s driving. She also has a short attention span, so she tends to start playing around with thing like the radio or CD player or whatever is around her.
Ironically, she does almost all the driving when we’re togehter. I admit though, that it’s mostly because when we’re driving together we’re on a long trip and my back can’t handle the strain of being in the driver’s seat for hours.
During the week, I do the driving. I drive to work, she takes the train, and when we go out I drive so when we get back I have greater options of parking because there are more parking restrictions during the day when she leaves her car. She usually has a good spot, and I take my car with me to work.
She drives on the weekends - which allows me a couple of drinks when we go out (she rarely drinks). We pretty much have this down to a science.
Exceptions are when going to one or the others parent’s house. I drive to mine, she drives to hers. No reason, just how it happens.
Same deal with us, most of the time. I don’t like him to drive my van because he changes all my adjustments. And he really, really likes his car, so unless we’re on a road trip and need to switch off, or if one of us is extremely tired, we drive our own vehicles. The Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] hates when anyone else drives “her” car, but as long as we’re making the payments, she doesn’t get a whole lot of say in the matter.
It’s a vehicle thing here as well. We take the truck, he drives. We take the van, I drive. There are exceptions… when one of us knows where we’re going and the other doesn’t, if one of us has been drinking, etc, but we still tend to stick to the vehicle rule. There have been times when he’s gotten tired and I’ve had to take over driving the truck, but it’s a 1974 Ford monstrosity with piss-poor steering, so I don’t like to do that often.
Mr. Kitty drives like a little old woman, whereas I’m more of a NASCAR driver, so both of us make the other equally nervous. Otherwise we may have wound up dividing the duties that way.
