Oh…and the peeing-while-standing up thing would be nice, too.
Oh, there are soooooo many male powers I wish I had.
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Selective Blindness: dust and dishes are not picked up as normal visual cues by males.
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The ability to wear clothes that have not seen a washing machine in weeks.
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The ability to sleep in a bed that hasn’t had a change of linen since Moses played centre-half forward for the Jerusalem U/18’s.
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The talent to switch one’s conscience on and off at will.
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To believe that cheese on toast every day for a month constitutes a balanced diet.
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I wish I had the power to just KNOW I was always right.
Oh, and of course I want the ability to take a pee without having to drop my dacks…especially when it’s icy-cold!
Oh, I practice (heck, I’m struggling to get a little pocket of gas to squeeze out as I type), but I’ve got wishy-washy bowels… some days they’re farting almost constantly, others they give nary a peep.
Yep. You haven’t lived until you’ve pissed into a black hole.
Heh. I must be a guy. “Make the bed? Just sweep it out!”
Corr
With the exceptions of #4 and #6 and the peeing standing up thing, I’m better at Mr. Athena at all of these things.
Oh, and #4 is something NEITHER of us is good at.
Cheese on toast doesn’t consitute a balanced diet? How about bagels and cream cheese? Grilled cheese sandwiches?
Nice post, kambuckta–and you have described me to t. I am so ashamed! 
The power to pick up bugs and flush them away to noman’sland- wherever- without having to steel yourself then run away screaming, or grab a pound worth of toilet paper first. I really really wish I had that one.
The secret to farting on command is to constantly have one on deck. Don’t fart whenever they come, you let them build. Then, each fart is actually about 13 farts compacted into one. And there’s usually another dose “in the box.” I think your bowels learn to adjust for this. Just like morning piss, I usually have morning fart when I first wake up, and I’m single, so she comes out LOUD! Even as nice as this ability is, it’s hard to master the control of when it’s loud and when it’s silent, but violent.
It takes patience and practice, young Jedi. Know the weakness of those you fart upon, and fart on command, you will.
The first job I got after graduating from college was auditing sales reports at the local Coca-Cola bottling plant. I was the only male in the department, and for some reason the office seemed to attract spiders. Every week or two, there would be a sudden squeal and I would turn around to see one of the women standing up, pointing at the floor with one hand and holding her box of tissues toward me with the other. I would take a tissue, capture the offending arachnid and dispose of it.
Oh, yes, I was quite the young stud back then.
Another power I wish I had was the power to understand woman’s logic.
LOL, Lurkmeister, perhaps you had an ass that just didn’t quit and the ladies liked to see you flaunt it? 
(That, and spiders are really really icky!)
We now return you to “Correlation/Causation Theater”.
jayjay
I can handle the farting on command thing. It’s the farting when not commanded that’s a problem.
And as a man, I feel very shameful in the fact that I can’t belch. I can at random occassions when it’s not necessary (i.e. there’s no one around to enjoy it), and everytime I try to belch on command, it always brings something up.
It’s just not right.
I can’t do the fart on command thing.
On the other hand, I CAN hold my bladder for almost a full day (sometimes longer. ^_^) and look down on the mere mortals who actualy have to urinate more then once a day.
I also have a SLLOOOOOWWW digestive track, so, err, heh. I only have to sit down on the throne every other day.
Why, just WHY, are the bodily function threads so damn funny???
[sub]Ruby, still giggling like a school girl![/sub]
Thanks for the advice! Here I was trying to sit in such a way so that they Don’t make noise, when I shouldn’t be letting them out at all!
It certainly didn’t quit; it just goes on and on and on … 
What is this strange thing of which you speak?
::ducks and runs like hell::