Ridiculously absurd impossible things you wish you could do.

I wish I could remove my skeleton from my body, but still live, exist, and see from the perspective as when it is attached. In other words, I’d still have support as though my skeleton were intact, even though it had been removed.

I would then examine my skeleton closely for hours and maybe days. I want to know what all those “bumps” “knobs” “dimples” and stuff under the skin are!

I wish I could ejaculate at will.

I also wish I could transform myself into a crime-fighting superhamster named Humphrey that can stretch his arms and shoot lasers out of his eyes and make his tail into a whip…

I wish I could give women “the look”. You know about it: it turns the lady’s legs to jelly. You’ve heard its tale in stories, you have a friend of a friend who supposedly can do a fair impression of it, or you know a girl who swears that she got it and wasn’t just really drunk.

I’m a funny guy and there’s no way I could ever develop “the look”. I can do “the look of laughter”, but that’s about it. Also, I do believe you have to be attractive to give “the look”.

I wish I could shit Volvos.

Man, that’d be great.

Make everyone happy.

Be a superhero.

See the planet from space.


  1. Fly

  2. Get outside my body, and interact with my body as a miniaturised duplicate. Then I’d like to get a miniaturised trowel and dig the gunk out of my blocked pores. I could give my ears the cleaning of their lives, too.

I agree with Tansu: I wanna fly.

I also wish I could transform all my junk mail and magazines’ subscription cards into crisp $100 bills.

Be happy and love myself.

Oh yeah - and shift my physical form to be beautiful - to look like whoever or whatever I please.

As for me, I’d be perfectly happy if I had some sort of supervision where I could people’s clothes…
[sub]Shame on you for wearing those ratty cotton briefs today…[/sub]

I want to fly.

I also want to be a shape shifter.

And be able to move through time.

Oh, and I want to be on the Fashion Police with Pammipoo

I want to be able to fly.

And to make men want me so bad they can’t sleep until they see me come…well a few men in particular :slight_smile:

Fly in space.

Hopefully, this won’t be such an absurd wish some time soon.

Gosh, you guys are all really lofty! The impossible ability that I wish for on a daily basis is to be able to have a sort of x-ray vision, that would make everything around me appear invisible* except for the thing that I am currently looking for. I know my passport is in my apartment, but I just need to be able to see where it is (oh! in the drawer of the credenza, in a box, under the Halloween placemats, in an envelope with the copies of my 1993 tax returns!)

  • in that Wonder Woman invisible plane way, where you can still see the outlines of stuff

OMG! I have had this same fantasy myself! Wouldn’t that be cool!!

I haven’t laughed this hard for a while. Thanks, Bo. :smiley:

Anyway I wish I could freeze time and walk around screwing with stuff. I believe this originated when I saw an episode of the New Twilight Zone where a woman finds a convenient pendant which does just that.
Many of my fantasies involving such an ability were probably pretty misogynistic during my adolescence, for which I apologise, but now I have taken it to greater lengths. Tattooing “BUMFACE” on Tony Blair’s forehead right before Prime Minister’s Question Time. And think of all the crimes you could prevent/wars you could stop/sports you could suddenly become really good at!

I’ve even spent a long time daydreaming about the physics of my frozen world. Would liquid stay still? Could I drink it, then? And if I’ve frozen all time how come I’m still held to the earth? How come the sun still shines? etc…

I came to the conclusion that what I want is basically a kind of real life “God-mode”. It’s my fantasy so I can do whatever I like.
And inspired by Grandpa Simpson (the only man ever to take a swing at Roosevelt), I used to consider going to ridiculous lengths to get to meet royalty just to punch them. Not that I’ve anything against them, you understand, just to be able to tell my grandchildren that I spent, what, seven years enduring the Duke of Edinburgh’s Award scheme at school, finally achieved my Gold Badge, got to meet the Duke of Edinburgh at the presentation, and decked him like a bowling pin. I’d thoroughly enjoy relating the silence that fell over the room as, for example, I busted open Prince Charles’ nose when he reached out to shake my hand and congratulate me on my Princes’ Trust award.

As I said, I’ve nothing against these guys personally. I’m sure they’d see the funny side as I was dragged off to jail. I certainly don’t want to assassinate anyone. Besides, I’ve a feeling Prince Charles can handle himself.

I wish I could fly to other time zones without jet lag.
Take a magic sleeping pill that made 5 hours sleep equal 8, and then have pill B so that 11 hours equals 8 for the return trip.

I wish I could teleport. Currently I live in California, have three families in different parts of Ontario (as well as numerous friends), and have friends in Seattle, Vancouver, Mannheim, and various other parts of the world.

I’d like to live in the country and work (and party) in the city, without having to commute.

Now where’d I put that tengu corpse?

*Originally posted by Ross *

John D. MacDonald had a ball with this in The girl, the gold watch and everything. It’s very dated in some of details like fashions, slang, etc. but he had a total blast with the general concept. The pivot is a gold watch that freezes time when the stem is pulled out. He doesn’t take the idea TOO seriously. In fact the main characters raise merry hell with their time freezing. It’s fun.

I’d like to be able to just lurk inside someone else’s head for a while. Not influence their actions or thoughts, just look out at the world through their mind and eyes for a while. Reading is the closest I can come but it’d be great to actually experience what life is like as someone else.


I wish I could un-do the zipper in my front and step out of my “fat-suit”. Kinda like Bugs Bunny getting out of his Daffy Duck disguise.

Flying would be cool. (per Tansu)

And those laser beams coming out of my eyes. (per Monster104)

Volvos outta my ass though (per SPOOFE Bo Diddly)…naw, but maybe something more streamlined, like Porches or something. Maybe an Auburn.

I wish I was able to talk to people that have died. I would love nothing better than to talk to my father (he drowned nine days before my 6th birthday) again and find out exactly what happened.

I’d also love to talk to my two best friends, both dead now, and tell them how much they are missed in my life. Kim was killed in a drunk-driving accident at age 21 and David lost his life to AIDS at age 32. Both left gigantic voids in my life. I’d love to just to hear them say Hi again.

Just think of all the cool things you could discover if you could speak to the dead. And how things are seen from their point of view. I think it would be so interesting.