odoriferous Farting Without Limit

If a strange man with a glowing sphere showed up to you in a dark alley one day and offered you the power of extremely odoriferous farting without limit, would you take it? With this power, you would be able to command the smelliest farts imaginable, enough to make the faint of heart puke and get dizzy (although you would have partial immunity, it would still be highly unpleasant even to you).

You would also be able to fart without limit. You could fill an entire city bus with your flatus if you so chose. You can fart anywhere and anytime you would like, in any amount.

However, there is a normal minimum amount you must fart per day, and if you don’t use your voluntary-on-command farting powers, you would still get a regular urge to fart now and then like you normally do (and your “normal” farts would be as stinky as the voluntary ones).

Would you accept this power, and if so, what would you use it for?

Hell, yes I would accept this power! Imagine the possibilities: crop dusting the vegetable aisle at the grocery store would be awesome. Or, let loose a megaton fart in the movie theater and then walk out. Churches…

Oh, yeah, I would put that power to good use.

Well, since you say it’s unlimited, I’d hook up a hose and start marketing my infinite supply of organic and renewable natural gas!

Or, with such an infinite energy source, I could single-handedly power missions into outer-space and start my own colony on Mars! (But I’d rename it Myanus.)

voltaire, it’s unlimited in the sense that you can keep releasing it as long as you’d like, but you don’t have an unlimited amount of flow.

In other words, I don’t think you’re going to be producing nearly enough methane to make it worth anyone’s time collecting!

Even farting continuously I don’t think you’d even be able to power one home.

(bolding mine)
No fair, that stinks! In that case, the lying strange man can use his glowing sphere to illuminate where the sun don’t shine!

Oh my god, I need to grow up. Like, right now. I laughed out loud at the OP, and a little bit of snot came out of my nose. Oh, did I share too much? Sorry, I thought that’d be okay in a thread about odoriferous farting.

In answer to the OP, no. This seems to be the world’s most pointless super power.

You know… it’s late and I guess I’m tired. Based on the wording of my OP… I guess you really could output as much gas as you wanted at any rate you wanted!

How nice of you to use your power for good by supplying the world with infinite energy. :smiley:

The sad thing is that powerful farting is an “actual” super power (it showed up in Mystery Men, which to be fair was a spoof/parody of super heroes, but still). There was also the video game Boogerman, which involved snot, mucus, farting and such to dispatch foes.

Hmm…I could use that power to out-stink people who bring stinky McDonald’s food onto city buses and subway cars! Maybe make them lose their appetite. Awesome. :smiley:

Surely you have heard of The Spleen. :eek:

As the mom of a 9 year old boy, I salute this thread. With a big Raspberry. Pllllbbbbbbbbbbbft!

I already have this power.

reads this post

quickly exits the thread before it’s too late

No thanks, it seems like a bum deal.

As mentioned above this thread is of interest to my son, age 9. I clearly have taught him well. He would like this power, and use it to wage war on my brother. Thirty years ago my brother was a boy, age nine.

Revenge is a dish served warm, in sulphuric gusts.

Will they still make noise? Because that’s my favorite part of a fart.

That makes two of us. There’s something in the genes: all of my immediate family - brother, sister, parents - are prodigious gas producers. Earlier this month I had broccoli with dinner every night for two weeks straight, and I think it altered the ecology of my gut: I was farting way more than my usual, and they were utterly devastating.

We have a pillow on our couch that’s basically a spandex bag filled with expanded polystyrene beads. Properly positioned, it can absorb a large quantity of gas, so I can usually sit on the couch for an evening without having to get up and go to another part of the house to fart without traumatizing my wife. During the Broccoli Weeks, this thing reached its limit early in the evening and began oozing poison gas; it had to be tossed across the room so the gas could diffuse out without killing anyone, and I had to keep getting up every few minutes for the rest of each evening. :frowning:

I’m going to have to try that with my daughter’s beanbag chair. If I load it up, will it all come out at once when she plops down in it with her afterschool snack?

Three.

I’ll always remember, with a twisted kind of pride, the time I was just lying on the bed reading, relaxing, and doing my gassy thing. My boyfriend came into the room, and a moment later, a look of horror came over his face and he yelled, “Oh my god, you’re like a sick old dog!” then covered his face with his shirt, ran out of the room, and slammed the door behind him, while I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

I’ve got skills.

+1

Not sure what I atein the last few days that caused it but I’ve been dropping ones approaching “considered a war crime if used on civillian populations” level.

They can be as loud as humanly possible, also controlled mentally via the power. I once farted so loudly during a test in 7th grade math class that I swear it shook the walls. I’d say you’d be able to fart that loud, if not a tad louder.