odoriferous Farting Without Limit

[Dr.Woo]

@Intergalactic_Gladiator

I already have this power.

As do I. It hasn’t made me rich or famous yet, but I keep hoping.

[EmilyG]

I don’t have this power naturally - but could I acquire it through the use of some candy?
http://www.prankplace.com/Fart-Candy-Pranks-1993-0X.aspx

[Girl_Next_Door]

@Heart_of_Dorkness

Three.

I’ll always remember, with a twisted kind of pride, the time I was just lying on the bed reading, relaxing, and doing my gassy thing. My boyfriend came into the room, and a moment later, a look of horror came over his face and he yelled, “Oh my god, you’re like a sick old dog!” then covered his face with his shirt, ran out of the room, and slammed the door behind him, while I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

I’ve got skills.

Clearly, you had broken the barrier.

[lieu]

@Girl_Next_Door

Clearly, you had broken the barrier.

Hilarious. Now why wasn’t You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman playing in the background.

[Beware_of_Doug]

I would become a judge. With no gavel.

BRRRAAAAAAPPPPP “ODOR IN THE COURT!”

[Bam_Boo_Gut]

Only if they are the ignitable kind :eek:

[ducati]

Occasionally, something I eat will give me weapons-grade gas. Geneva Convention prohibited level of please-og-kill-me-now flatus that makes men cry. And has.

I got a small preview of the upcoming attraction the other night, and knew what was coming.
I kept things in, building pressure and olfactory hatred, and then went to the den where my wife and daughter were catching up on Supernatural, all bundled up in jammies and blankets on their sofas…

I grabbed the ceiling fan remote, pushed “high”, and released [del]The Kraken[/del] 12 cubic feet of pressurized, concentrated evil and walked quickly to the kitchen, locking the door behind me.

The screams were loud at first, and someone made it to the door to pound and plead for mercy, but like on the Titanic, they were overcome and forced to their knees, reduced to crawling for the back door for escape. It was 20 degrees that night, and as I watched them huddled and jumping on the deck in their underwear, screaming threats at me, I knew it was time to go to bed.

And wait…:dubious:

[Machine_Elf]

@lieu

I’m going to have to try that with my daughter’s beanbag chair. If I load it up, will it all come out at once when she plops down in it with her afterschool snack?

Maybe not all of it, but plenty of it. Yes, physically jostling a “charged” beanbag will get clean air and foul gas to trade places.

Note that the beanbag needs a really permeable skin. My little pillow has a lycra/spandex cover; if you’ve got anything denser than that it’ll be less, um, receptive.

[Gagundathar]

Long before Mr. Stern adapted ‘FartMan’ for radio, the folks over at National Lampoon (when it was but a humor magazine) had a one-shot comic strip about ‘The Adventures of FartMan!’

His powers included the ability to fly and creating a wall of flaming flatus to ward off evil-doers.
The fat little guy’s final panel had him crying saying “FartMan? How embarrassing.”

So, my answer to the OP is ‘No’.

[Heart_of_Dorkness]

@Girl_Next_Door

Clearly, you had broken the barrier.

My homegirl!

[Wile_E]

@lieu

Will they still make noise? Because that’s my favorite part of a fart.

I don’t know why I chose a fart thread as my 4th read/2nd posted in thread after a 6 month absence. I guess I needed something light-hearted (light-farted?) after the first two threads that I read were very sad. One of the reasons I picked this thread was that I knew lieu will have posted in it and it’s nice to see that some things never change.

Hey, Birthday Buddy! Nice to see you.

[sub]but I’m glad I can’t smell you. [/sub]

[Clothahump]

@Heart_of_Dorkness

Three.

I’ll always remember, with a twisted kind of pride, the time I was just lying on the bed reading, relaxing, and doing my gassy thing. My boyfriend came into the room, and a moment later, a look of horror came over his face and he yelled, “Oh my god, you’re like a sick old dog!” then covered his face with his shirt, ran out of the room, and slammed the door behind him, while I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

I’ve got skills.

Shame you didn’t trap them under the covers and dutch oven him when he got in bed.

[davidm]

Perhaps I could convince owners of theaters, stores, and other public venues to pay me large sums of money to stay out of their establisments!

[perfectparanoia]

This thread is timely since I had chili for lunch!

My farts are renowned for their stinkiness. I have a code that I use with friends and family. If I look them straight in the eye and say, ‘I am soooo sorry.’ and then walk away, they should be prepared.

The worst was one night I got home from work and let one loose in the car as I was getting out. The next morning, I opened the car door and it was still there. Oh, God it was bad. It stayed around for the whole day.

Though a better time was when I was trying on bridesmaid dresses with my sister. I took off the last one I was trying and then let one rip. Said I was sorry and bailed. But she couldn’t escape because she was naked in the changeroom.

Mwah ha ha! (So, yes, I do want this power and not just when I eat chili.)

[mascaroni]

I know the convention round here is to say:

Band Name!

But I think in this case,

70’s Prog Rock Album Name! would be more suitable…

[Intergalactic_Gladiator]

@Battle_Pope

+1

Not sure what I atein the last few days that caused it but I’ve been dropping ones approaching “considered a war crime if used on civillian populations” level.

I actually started taking probiotics about a year ago. My wife says that it saved our marriage.

[Annie-Xmas]

Yes, yes, a thousand [del]farts[/del] times yes!

[Duckster]

Would bring a new meaning to putt putt golf.

[california_jobcase]

Well, would I have control over the sound? Could my farts be discreet SBDs whenever I wanted them to be?

[EmilyG]

@california_jobcase

Well, would I have control over the sound? Could my farts be discreet SBDs whenever I wanted them to be?

I would hope so. But if this power caused you to fart loudly, you could always do it in a crowded place where it could be blamed on someone else.