I was on line at the supermarket last night and this woman would not stop creeping up my ass everytime I moved forward. No matter how much I inched up to get away from her, there she was breathing down my neck. It annoyed me so much that found my self wishing I could fart on command like my SO/brothers/fathers/sons can do. I just thought it would be so cool. I would let a real ripe one loose, she’d back up, we’d all be happy. Well, I would any way, she’d be left without nose hair and a left eyebrow.
When I went to go see Stars Wars last week, the three seconds of silence while the lights dim was filled with the BBBBBbbbbbRrrRrrAaaaaaP of some odiferous teenager’s bowels. You could just tell he’d been holding it in for the entire length of the trailers for the right moment. The force was strong within him that day.
What do you guys have an extra gland down there? Different muscle structure? Years of training? Can I sign up to be a young Padawan?
Note that she said “with ease,” before someone posts links to that six-month women peeing while standing training site, or the one selling the plastic attachements to accomplish the job…
Ha. Here I was going to come in and say I wish I had the upper body strength of a man. And to my (pleasant) surprise it’s another bodily function thread!
Yeah, being able to pee (into a urinal/toilet) standing up would be helpful from time to time. It would save me the trouble of having to hover.
My future father-in-law would sidle up to his wife in a dept. store, let one rip and then wander off, smiling and humming. My future mother-in-law learned to run away when he sidled up with that sneaky smile, and I gather that he now inflicts this upon random strangers.
I love this man, almost as much as I love his son…
though in a different way, of course.
I wish I could pee standing up when I wanted to, I’m working on it, but I don’t think I’ll ever master the skill with any real degree of confidence.
I can flatulate on command, and unless I’m wearing a thong, I have really good control over its sound quality. You know that “happy talk” bit from the “King and I?” Well, given the proper motivation, I can do a similar bit with my butt.
(My name doesn’t mean “turtle” fer nuthin’) Er, strike that last bit.
Being able to write your name in the snow is just waaaaaaaay cool. It just is. Ask any guy. Especially a foamy, beery bladder gyser into the first snow of the season, and there’s enough not only for the first and last name, but a little extra for an underline and exclamation point. Oh man, that is living large.
