That would reflect poorly on YOU if no one else knew the dad was an abusive fuckwit. If no one knows, then a rude refusal would make you look like a particularly vile individual. In the OP, the world at large only knows the father as “Saint Simon”, healer and benefactor. A hearty “fuck you” would paint William in an extremely poor light, and any attempt at explaining that Saint Simon was really Tyrant Simon would probably not be believed. I would suggest politely declining and let the silence deafen the crowd.
My mother retired after a few decades working for child protective services under its various names over the years. Not only are wealthy professionals, be they doctors, lawyers, or dentists, capable of beating their children to the point of bruising, but I bet she could offer up some choice stories about broken bones, dislocated limbs, and permanent disability. Just because you’re an oncologist, doesn’t mean that you can’t have “issues.”
Edit: Unless you mean, doctors can “hide it” better as far as being smart enough abuse so that no one can see. Even then, in a rage, it’s hard to remember not to leave a mark if you’re feeling smashy.
I did. It is not a noticeable improvement over the first post.
I voted politely decline, but my reasoning was similar. The hospital doesn’t need to hear him air his dirty laundry*, but they also aren’t entitled to press him to speak. They can draw any conclusion from the refusal they like. Perhaps the son is simply too emotional over his father’s death to speak about him in public. They don’t need to know what the emotions are.
As for the mother, it’s far too much for her to ask. I feel that the silence she asked during Simon’s lifetime was also too much, but obvs William didn’t agree as he went along with it. Asking him to publicly lie (by ommission at the least) to bolster and enhance the reputation of his dead abuser is just out of the question. No one benefits (except perhaps her if you count enhancing ones delusions to be a benefit) and William is harmed. I believe we all have the right to set boundaries with those we love any were William to ask me (which he essentially has by existing in this poll) I’d say this is clearly an appropriate boundary to set with his mother.
*“dirty laundry” not in the sense that it’s shameful for him, just that at this late date there’s not much point in airing it out in public, especially as there’s a great possibility that he wouldn’t be believed.
I’m willing to be proven wrong. But that’s much more likely with posts like the one Eats_Crayons made than your rude gainsaying technique.
And if you didn’t want to prove me wrong, then why did you post?
I daresay there are many abusers who do not strike in rages, but rather in cold sadism, or a misguided (but still cold) belief that the beatings they are administering are for their victims’ good.
Fine. You’re wrong.
Happy now?
why not? What’s so special about a “cancer fighting doctor” that means it’s simply impossible for him to do such things to his children?
Ach.
I have a somewhat less … epic … rebuttal. A smaller-scale evil, though there’s still very few persuasive reasons not to beat the guy to death with a hammer. Please think hard before clicking this link, as the story it tells cannot be called anything but horrifying:
[spoiler] Dr. Ian Gainov, a pediatrician no less. A relevant quote:
[/spoiler]
Apropos of nothing, rachellelogram, where’d you get “cancer-fighting” from?
Tell both sides of the story.
i would. but i would have preferred to square things with simon before he went. as i tell my young friends, understanding your father may be the last lesson you’ll get in your life.
Because you said something mind-numbingly stupid, and stupidity is called out on these boards. It accomplishes one of two things: making the person feel bad for saying it, and and hopefully not say something so stupid in the future, or getting people who can’t take it to leave.
I’m not commenting on the morality of this. But I will say that I didn’t even consider Miller’s comments to be rude within the board culture. And I’m one of the “senstive” ones. I’m pretty sure you’ve personally said worse.
How the heck can you not see that claiming any section of humanity would never do X is stupid? You’re an abuse victim, and you don’t get that absolutely anyone can be an abuser? You can’t fathom the idea of someone being a doctor and having a violent temper? You can’t even imagine someone who became a doctor for the money and doesn’t give a crap about hurting people?
No one should even need to provide a citation. The thought process you used to derive your conclusion is so riddled with holes that it should have fallen under its own weight.
I worked for a decade in male family violence programs. Doctors can be physically abusive of their children and partners, as can ‘pillars’ of the community in general.
And finally:
Can find more if you like, thats just from some quick googling. Obviously cases where murder occurred are much easier to find than ones ‘just’ involving long term physical abuse, where a court case may never even occur.
Otara
I’d decline the invitation, and I would tell the people asking exactly why I was declining. No child-abusing, wife beating sumbitch deserves to be lauded by his victims.
I grew up in a particularly insidious form of hell, called a “good Mormon” house, and spend a fortune on therapy to “good” I received there. My father was never ambitious enough / too fucked up to be capable of an achievement such as that, but if he were, I’d simply decline.
I doubt that telling the organizers would serve to get them to change their mind. Without some sort of evidence, they may even take it as some sort of revenge for a petty disagreement.
I think the best course would be to politely decline and let your silence speak for itself.
This is true. My mother has been retired for several years now, so I’ve heard no stories in quite a long time. I do however, remember her commenting that it seemed that a lot of abusive behaviour was from parents who actually had good intentions but were terribly, tragically inept. Most of what I remember her working on had more to do with child neglect, rather than outright abuse. For example, children whose parents were addicts or simply absent made up a bulk of day-to-day business at her office. However, when things were bad, it could be really bad, and by the 1990s there was a term along the lines of “post-traumatic stress by proxy” to describe some of the effects case workers at CPS were experiencing from having been exposed to suffering.
Phooey, missed the edit window.
If you look it up, substance abuse plays an enormous role in abuse cases. A quick Google provided as site that gave a figure of substance abuse playing a role in 81% of cases of “child maltreatment.” Medical professionals are still human and subject to the same vices, personal issues, and emotional baggage. I have no problem at all believing that a professional can behave himself at work and then turn into a nasty piece of work after he settles in to his post-office hours martinis at home. Alcohol can create quite the Jeckyll/Hyde effect and it makes no difference if you’re rich or poor, blue- or white-collar.
Ignorance fought. 
Thanks for the citations.
Back to the OP’s question:
I think it depends a great deal on the social traditions the father and son (and their community) grew up in. Isn’t the idea in at least some cultures to speak honestly of the dead so that all their characteristics, both good and bad, can be remembered?
“Simon Legree was a man subject to all the strengths and weaknesses all men share [optional comment here about Creators and their mysterious wisdom]. He was a doctor and a good one, curing those he could and showing compassion to those he could not help. He did like to bend his elbow a bit, though, and when he was in his cups, he had a temper that was sadly directed at his children and his wife. Let us celebrate the good things about his life and forgive the bad ones.”
Edit: That seems more appropriate to the wake than the dedication of a medical facility, though. I guess I don’t have a clear answer to the original question.