What is wrong with you?
I would never destroy the life of my kid because of something he did.
(No arguments with confiscating electronic equipment. But no way am I turning him (hypothetical him) in to police especially when the victim doesn’t want to press charges. Also, there is no way I would “beat the ever living fuck” out of a kid of mine. Or anyone else except in self defence actually. That’s evil.)
What is wrong with me? I actually read all of what that kid did. He’s fucking evil to the core, and letting him off was a terrible mistake. I have to wonder what he’s done to other people that were not uncovered by letting it pass. That’s the first reason I would confiscate all of his stuff - so I could go through it and determine the extent of his crimes and the danger he represents to me and others.
Destroy his life? No, he did that all by himself, to whatever extent it truly “destroys” anything, and seriously, it is a gross exaggeration to call his life “destroyed” even if he spends a year or two in prison (which I would seriously not expect to happen).
Personally I don’t really see what all the fuss is about, it’s not like the kid physically assaulted him.
Sticks and stones and all that.
Normally I would agree, since I normally scoff at the idea of ‘internet harassment’, but when it crosses into mailing the man ashes and threatening the lives of his family it’s a little more than that. Given what information the man had available, it was a credible physical threat of real violence, which he had good reason to fear.
Yeah, I taught in an alternative public high school, and dealt with more than my fair share of 13 to 18 year-old budding sociopaths (one of whom is doing life without possibility of parole for a double murder he committed a few hours after he walked out of my classroom) but I am having a tough time buying that this was the work of a bored, precociously vicious 17 year-old.
I am wondering exactly who is trolling who? (whom is trolling whom?)
I agree. I think there’s a tendency of late to punish online assholery through litigation which I’m not comfortable with. It seems more common in the UK than elsewhere but especially when an e-asshole gets widespread coverage it seems the forces of law really throw the book at them. Posting ashes to a Jewish person or other symbolic, physical nastiness should be dealt with with the full vigour of the law imho.
Yup. A kid who acts like that at 14 (or younger) has some serious issues. I hope it gets worked out so he doesn’t hurt anyone else.
Gaz Glitter stalking often ends with physical assault. He had begun to make contact with this guy by sending him stuff through the male and making disgusting threats. Which is illegal. The kid is extremely disturbed.
I’d say the kid’s already “destroyed” – he seems to be a psychopath. If that’s the case, there’s very little chance of him ever getting any better. He’s better off being reported to the authorities – at least then he gets the help he needs.
Besides, just because someone’s your kid, doesn’t mean they should get away with breaking the law. Especially if it involves stalking and terrorizing people. Any parent that would allow someone to do that is failing their responsibilties.
Let’s hope this kid gets some serious therapy.
If he is a psychopath then he can’t be given any help anyway.
But if he isn’t - it’s perfectly plausible he’s just an obsessive weirdo who got obsessed at the age of 14 and then everything just crept up on him.
The key is all about whether he repeats the action again. This is the point at which a merely misguided nut who isn’t thinking properly about consequences will stop.
Not at all. A parent’s responsibilities to their child are far greater than their responsibilities to society.
And if your kid is a danger to himself and others, how are you helping him by letting him get away with it?
Not reporting your kid to the police is not letting him “get away with it”. Doing NOTHING is letting him get away with it. If you suddenly find out your kid is a troll then it’s time to start doing parenting type stuff.
Basically, if you have to go to the police you have failed as a parent. Now there are some kids, I accept, where the best parenting in the world will fail to discipline them (mostly psychopaths) and there is no shame in failing to parent them (although AIUI there are parenting techniques for psychopaths too).
But the police should be the absolute last option and if you are suddenly confronted with circumstances like this at the very least you should try many measures. Hell, with a seventeen year old it may be as simple as a talking to and a few months of monitoring.
Are you a parent?
No.
I have had pets though. I don’t pretend that makes me understand anything about parenting, but I know it showed me at least something about how parents should feel towards their kids. And I can’t square someone with those feelings ruining the lives of those they have the feelings for when there are alternatives.
The kid threatened the guy’s wife and kid. Forgiveness and mercy can kindly take a flying leap. What about his obligation to his own family’s safety? (ie. Why isn’t his wife pressing charges?)
I agree with the kid’s parents that the police should be involved. Protecting the kid from the consequences of his actions helps no one.
I agree the guy is an idiot. I am all for giving people second (and third, and fourth) chances, but this is not anywhere near normal teenage rebellious behavior, this is a sick person. And yes, he does need counseling, but if he truly is a sociopath, it’s not going to help much. Something needs to be done before he actually harms someone.
Let’s hope the Muslims can learn from them.
What do people think the police or the courts are going to do? If he’s tried as an adult, I imagine he’ll be put on probation. If he’s tried as a juvenile, the worst that will happen is that he’ll spend a few months in a group home. If this is his first offense, he’s not going to prison over it, and even if he did, prison doesn’t solve very many problems. It would keep him off the street for a couple of years, but also teach him to be a better sociopath. Short of prison, there really isn’t anything the court will do that the parents can’t do themselves: they can monitor him and take away privileges and even send him to a group home themselves, and they can choose a group home that is well run instead of whatever happens to be available in their county.
While I agree that it’s unlikely that counseling and better parenting will be able to have much of an effect on the kid, I also doubt that criminal charges will have much more of an effect, and they come with the cost of a trial that is likely to be very traumatic for the family and the victim as well as the criminal, and they involve the parents and the victim losing control over what happens to him. Once someone is an adult, criminal charges still aren’t terribly likely to fix anything, but there isn’t much else you have recourse to. With a juvenile, the parents can at least try, and they aren’t really likely to do much worse than a judge. The only reason to go that route that I can think of is if they can’t afford the cost of a group home/military school/psych ward.
It’s his responsibility because he lives in a society. All people have a responsibility to society. It’s something we tend to forgive victims for when doing so will traumatize them further (like with rape victims), but that’s not the case the guys is making. Without the idea of it being too traumatic for him to press charges, there’s no downside With parents who flat out asked him to do to involve the police, I wonder if the kid is abusing them, too.
Forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences for your action. But that’s what this guy is telling the kid here. There’s no consequence to your bad action. If he truly is a sociopath, he has no reason not to do this again. At least the police will seem like some sort of threat, rather than parents that are clearly afraid of their own kid.
The main advantage of a court over a parent is that you can’t shrug off a court’s authority once you reach the age of majority. I won’t attempt to speak for any differences in Ireland, but in the US a kid who hits 18 is an adult who can make decisions for themselves. Parents can attempt to set limits with anyone older than 18, they can make bargains with living and education expenses, but in the end if the kid decides “Screw your rules, I’m out,” then he can strike out on his own.