Maybe he wasn’t a trans-whatever. Maybe he just likes wearing dresses. Nobody bats an eyelash when women dress in pants or a business suit, yet as soon as a man wears a dress or skirt people start wondering. Darned double standards!
Sounds to me like you’re trying to find the limits of your tolerance/prejudcices. Would it have been better if the guy was black. Or in a wheelchair. So what if the kids ask you why that man was in a dress? Didn’t Jesus wear a dress? What’s wrong explaining to the kids that some people are different to others? No better or worse, just difference. Isn’t Christianity all about tolerance of others?
(actually, I’m not)
But wasn’t “Dinsdale” a character on Monty Python who “really knew how to treat a female impersonator”??? 
::fleeing::
Eve:
You left out:
• Guy who finds skirts more comfortable or pleasant to wear than trousers.
I would not consider it any kinkier than women wearing clothes that were once considered male-only garments. No reason to put labels on the fellow.
I apologize if this is a hijack, but is this true? If a transsexual wants to have a sex-change operation, he has to dress like a woman for a year?? Does it have to be a dress/pumps/pantyhose-type woman? Who decides what type of “women’s” clothes he has to wear? I’m a woman, but I only own 2 or 3 skirts, 1 dress, and no pumps. I typically wear my workboots with my dress (it’s very long). Would a transsexual be considered dressing like a woman if he wears jeans and a top? Does his doctor determine these guidelines?
Back to the OP, I really don’t have much to add about what you should do or how you should feel, but I do think that your struggle to look at your feelings is a good one to have. Don’t feel slammed too hard by people coming back at you with pat little admonishments that you just aren’t open and accepting enough and easy little speeches to give to your kids. You’ve obviously recognized a feeling that you’re having that doesn’t sit well with your overall values and you’re examining that. This is the way all of us improve ourselves and is a necessary step a lot of times. There are a lot of people in this world who will expect you to skip this step and just go along with what everyone else thinks just because it’s PC. If you arrive at true acceptance and love after really thinking about it, I think it’s more valuable to you and to society.
Yes, they do have to, at least if they want surgery in the states. It is part of the Standard of Care. It is done partly to make sure they know what they are getting into and to make adjustment easier.
It’s mostly true. There are a set of guidelines, developed by Harry Benjamin Gender Society (or something like that, I forget the exact name) that most Western doctors follow in determining whether a candidate may qualify for reassignment surgery (as well as for hormone replacement therapy). The requirement for reassignment is that the candidate be living full-time (or nearly so) as a member of his or her desired sex for one year. No specific dress code is required; it is permissible to be a “butch dyke” and still meet with this requirement, for example. The main test here is proof that the candidate is fully ready and able to live in society as a member of the desired sex.
Most doctors who do reassignment evaluations understand that gender expression varies. Still, there are some who won’t approve anyone who doesn’t at least occasionally wear a dress. I personally don’t wear “traditional feminine apparel” all that often, and I hate wearing makeup.
The rules that exist were created mainly to insulate doctors from malpractice lawsuits, and have contributed to a number of suicides. I personally think they are overly restrictive (especially the requirement for a mandatory second psychiatric opinion prior to surgery, which can be very burdensome for individuals who can barely afford the procedure in the first place).
There are surgeons who will disregard the guidelines, but most of them are in less-than-favorable places like Thailand.
By the way, the correct pronoun for a male-to-female transsexual is “she” or “her”, not “he” or “his”.
Frankly, your church invited transgendered individuals to attend. One did. I can’t see why you’re upset.
The term “transgendered” covers a very broad spectrum, ranging from “mild genderfuck” to drag queens to fetish transvestites to transsexuals. This grouping is unfortunate in that each of these groups has significantly different motivations for why they do what they do, and substantially different emotional and political issues. The only similiarity is that all of them wear clothing normally reserved for members of the opposite sex, and demonstrates the problem with letting the majority define groupings within minorities.
HIJACK:
But we NEED more men wearing kilts, dammit! They’re so sexy…(Ever see Liam Neeson in Rob Roy?)
Or Ewan McGregor, for that matter?
You’re a brave person for 1. caring about this and 2. confronting your reactions honestly.
FWIT–your church issued a specific welcome to a specific group. In purely practical terms, it’s a done deal. I’m not dismissing your concerns about the appropriateness of the action, just that it’s already happened. So now you must cope with the reality.
Previous posters did their customary fine job outlining distinctions among your new congregants. It can be disconcerting to see a blatantly (physical) male in female dress. (Now this is where my pronouns will get really muddled—> )
My guess is the person you’re describing is transgendering. He/she isn’t cross-dressing for a kink. He is someone who, to put it simply, was feels he was born into the wrong body and wrong gender. The person inside just doesn’t match the physical outside. It’s an incredibly hard, lonely position.
Just my observation–I find it very touching that this person feels welcome to worship, and to do it presenting the truest–and respectful–outward presence possible. He/she isn’t decked out in feather boas and sequins; that’s not how one dresses for church. He/she took a brave step in response to a brave invitation, worshipping openly as the person he/she’s always been inside–and doing it as respectfully as possible.
It might be hard to get past the initial visual jolt, but I suggest making a point of seeking him/her out for a welcome. You aren’t endorsing anything; you’re just offering a civil greeting to another human being. Forget the clothing and look in the eyes. You don’t have to pursue a friendship or take a stance. At worst you’ll have extended respect and civility to someone who probably receives precious little of either.
Veb
Hubba Hubba.
No, but close (and very funny). Dinsdale was a giant hedgehog that was the imaginary enemy of the gangster who “really knew how to treat a female impersonator”.
One would think that people who share beliefs and faith would feel welcome at a church that espoused such belief and faith, but one would be wrong. First, even in a religion as generally accepting as UU, there are members that do not hestitate to make members that appear to break gender boundaries unwelcome. Your chuch issuing a welcome to all those groups serves as a warning to the members to play nice and make these people welcome. It also lets members of these groups know that if they wish to worship there, then they will not be made officially unwelcome.
For many facing that they belong to any of the categories mentioned means conflict with their religion. At a time they most need the support and guidance that religion, both the congregation and belief structure provide, they can’t have it. It is difficult enough dealing with moral issues raised, but to deal with clergy and congregants that shrink from you and harrass you is too much to ask of anyone.
You obviously are facing internal conflicts stirred up by seeing what appears to you to be a main in a dress. Many when seeing that woman would deal with the internal conflict by making that poor woman as miserable as possible. Some by telling her that she has no right to be there and some by more drastic means. Since your church has said that they are welcome some at least will have to deal with their own internal conflict without making this person miserable.
As far as dealing with kids’ questions, as long as there are people who are different then you will have to deal with them. I assume that you find this particular potential question so disturbing because you don’t know how to answer it and because it deals with sexual issues. As a parent it is your job, and avoiding situations that bring up such questions is not really possible. I hope you teach them to respect others even if they do not understand them or are accustomed to such a person. If everyone learned to treat others with respect like that such particular welcomes as your church has issued would indeed be unneeded and pointless.
I think you answered your own question. The one thing that you keep repeating is the concern of whether or not this man shares the UU beliefs, or is strongly interested in pursuing the UU Church. Perhaps that is the real issue at hand. You don’t want the church making a big deal about accepting one minority group unless they do it for all minority groups. That makes perfect sense. So perhaps what you need to do is the next time you see this gentleman, pull him aside and ask him about his entrance into the UU Church. Maybe you can offer to help him get acquainted with the Church and the people in it.
You could also just ask him why he wears a dress. You might be surprised at the ease of getting an answer. Often, a person who adopts a particular dress or mannerism that is outside societal norms, he or she expects to be questioned for it. If you ask in an honest “I’m just curious” way, you will probably also avoid triggering a defensive mode.
Just some thoughts…
Um. I’m afraid not. Spiney Norman was the hedgehog. Dindale was in fact the gangster. Dinsdale Piranah of the Piranah Brothers. Based on the Krays.
Thanks for straightening pic out, bet. (Spiny Norman would have been bent out of shape!)
Wow! The thread with a life of its own. When the hell did I post that OP? Let me go back thru the whole post and get back to you next week. Too much for a quick hit and run on a Sat nite before poker. I can tell you his fashion sense seems to be improving. And I just realized a fucking knockout blonde at our church is a guy. Live and learn. I’ll at least say hey to the “man in a dress” tomorrow if I see him.
While you are at it, find out their pronoun of preference and use it. It is the least you can do.
Naw, man. Sounds like a hell of a lot motre than the least I can do (which is always my goal!)