Man in urgent need of sex advice

I’m in need of some advice from all you highly knowledgable people out there. My girlfriend and I haven’t started having sex yet, but we do ‘fool around’ quite a lot, and we both have a pretty good time, but she hardly ever orgasms, and when she does it takes about half an hour or so of serious attention (this is NOT a problem, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out). I’ve tried everything I know…hands, mouth, talking dirty etc…but it’s just not working out how I want it to. Any advice?


Have you tried restraints?

here’s a brilliant idea! ask here what she likes and dislikes before you start that way you can cut out th unnecesarry bull doo doo and do what she likes

Tiki: If I read what you wrote above in the wrong way, I apologise, but that sounded pretty condescending. Just because it takes a long time (if at all) for his girlfriend to orgasm does not necessarily mean that Sparky’s doing “unnecessary bull doo doo”. There are some women that just have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner or that take a long time doing so. That’s not to say, however, that your idea was a bad one.

Sparky, have you, indeed, asked her what she likes and doesn’t like? If you have, and are applying those techniques to no success, ask her if she has the same trouble achieving orgasms when she’s alone. If she does, I’m not quite sure what to suggest, but if she doesn’t, try to convince her to show you exactly what she does. This method has the added benefit of the fact that some people find it highly arousing to please themselves while their lover watches. But don’t just sit back and watch (unless that’s what she wants), kiss her, caress her, do your part to get her as excited as possible. I would go as far as to suggest that you might try a vibrator as well.

Once you’ve watched what she does, try it out, see how it goes for you. If she still has trouble, and you are both okay with it, let her continue to be ‘in charge’ of her orgasms while you continue to do what you can to arouse her completely. This is the method that works for me, YMMV.

Sparky, it might just be nerves. I mean, I don’t know how old you guys are and if she’s ever had sex before, but if she hasn’t and she’s young (read: under 23. That’s young to me.), it might just be a case of being nervous. I know, for me, that it used to take me forever. A woman’s orgasm is much more related to her emotions and mental state of mind than I think many men realize. Just $.02.

I agree with BunnyGirl - age and experience have a lot to do with how quickly and intensely orgasms occur. I didn’t have an orgasm for two years after I began having sex/sexual activities.

I don’t know if you’re looking for a “magic button” or anything that will make every woman collapse in a screaming orgiastic frenzy…if so, I’ve got news, there ain’t one. But it sounds as though you’re being attentive, and the fact that you’re concerned enough to seek advice here speaks volumes, I think.

One last bit of advice: if something works well once, don’t do it every time as if you have to stick to a script (okay, left breast…move to right breast…tickle belly button…shit! what goes next!..oh right, nibble right ear…you get the drift). Relax, and let her set the pace.

Yep. If the main goal is to pleasure her, then focus more on having it work out the way she wants it to.

As for half an hour thing… sounds pretty reasonable to me. I’ve had many partners who didn’t like being brought off too quickly. Most, in fact, prefered a leisurely, unrushed experience.

There’s my 2 cents. (That would be Canadian funds - I dunno what the exchange is)

Thanks for the advice guys. I think then main problem might be that all my previous girlfriends have been older and more experienced…

And Badtz Maru? No, I haven’t tried restraints (yet - :D)

This may sound a little strange but my suggestion is,

watch each other pleasure yourselves. It can be quite instructive for you as far as amount of pressure she likes, circles or the kinda up and down attention. I always found it kind of a turn-on too. But I think you should both “play a little five on one” at the same time so neither of you feels silly and you have the visual at the time to help you.
Just my $.02…and ya prolly don’t wanna know where it’s been :stuck_out_tongue:

Try vaginal stimulation in addition to clitoral. Try lubricating your fingers. And tell her to concentrate! You can play with her all day but if she isn’t intent on orgasming, she won’t (maybe it’s in her interest not to concentrate, when it’s put that way…)

If you feel like you’ve got your physical technique pretty well figured out, start looking at the psychological/emotional angle. Talk to her. Tell her what you’re going to do to her. Tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her how much she arouses you. Try a little roleplaying. Try some new spots. Go, have fun.

Sattua, that has got to be the stupidest fucking thing (literally), I have ever read. Next time, try checking with reality before posting something that ridiculous.

My advice?


If you’re doing sex with the idea that you’re trying to come, you’re probably doing it for the wrong reasons anyway. Just be with each other and experience each other and let what happens happens. The time it takes will end up being the furthest thing from your mind.

I have been on both ends of the stick when it comes to not-reaching / not giving. As disappointing it may be for the person who hasn’t reached the big ‘O,’ I would argue that it can be as disappointing for the other person as well.

The times that I haven’t been able to get there are if I am fatigued, preoccupied or focusing too much on ‘their’ satisfaction and ignoring my own (read: treating what should be fun as a tactical mission to accomplish.) So if she had a lifestyle that leaves her mind racing or tired, that would be one place to look at first. If that’s not the issue, I advocate experimentation. Even if you ask her what she likes, if she has a history of seldom reaching the ‘O,’ then she may not know the way there either.

I was dating this girl in her early 30’s who claimed to have only orgasmed a couple times in her life. I focused primarily on oral, paying close attention to what techniques got a reaction. Without getting too graphic, suffice it to say that after much exploration, a combination chin / toungue / nose techinique was what did the trick for me, her.

Disclaimer: Has she REALLY only had a couple orgasms in her life? Did I really provide the third? Knowing full-well that women lie about these things to make us men feel good… I choose to believer it. Because it makes me feel good.

When I was in my late teens/early twenties, the only reasons to have sex were to feel good and cum.
I was missing the point completely. Sure, the payoff is the Big “O”, but I’d concentrate on what you’re doing at that moment and not worry about the payoff.

Sorry if I didn’t answer your question. Good sex takes practice.

Don’t obsess on this ‘problem’. It isn’t one, and if you obsess you’ll freeze up. Relax! Both of you!

Don’t make it a game with ‘must hit’ targets. If you are expressing what you want to express, and enjoying it, you’re doing fine. Nice definition: “Sex should be two adults at play”.

Her sexual response is what it is. Some women take more time, some less. Learning about each other, and being happy to be you is part of the fun. 30 minutes? Sheesh - one of the sexiest women alive, of my acquaintence, was 45 minutes minimum.

Do focus a little more on the mind game and the emotions. Your lady really needs to feel relaxed, and secure, and loved, and appreciated and happy to get the most out of her passionate side. Your keenness to do all the right physical things is a bonus, but as a rule-of-thumb it’s the mindheart that opens the doors, the body follows after.

Do talk to your lady about what she likes, and let her show you. But don’t make this as quiz where she’s under pressure to discover and share the ‘magic switch’. It should be more a fun sharing thing like kids sharing favourite candy.

Take your time. Relationships, like wine, take time to mature. And they go through phases. Frequency and quality of orgasms may vary with time, mood and season. That’s OK!

If you have any books that say your job in bed, as a man, is to prove yourself as some sort of super-stud, and this is measured by guaranteeing EVERY women a SLAMMING 100% earth-quake EVERY time… then sling 'em in the trash NOW. These are books written by silly, ignorant men for other silly, ignorant men.

A nice earth-shattering orgasm is nice if it comes along. And yes, if you can help your lady along that direction, that’s nice for the pair of you. But the main thing is for you to share your love, share your fun + relaxed exploration of this side of your relationship, and to grow together. And if you’re doing that successfully, you’re doing fine.

Some good books for you both to enjoy: ‘The Joy of Sex’ and ‘More Joy of Sex’ by Alex Comfort. ‘Loveplay’ and ‘The bok of love’ by Dr. David Delvin. ‘The Complete Book of Lvoe and Sex’ by Cauthery, Andrew and Stanway.

I didn’t mean it in a harmful way I should’ve gone into detail a wee bit more like you did but I was pressed for time. I meant it in more of a sarcastic Tiki God kind of way. If it pissed anyone off my bad on my part.

“…haven’t started having sex yet”

You might be having ‘sex’ if you’re doing all that stuff to get her to orgasm…I can just see married guys on the board telling their wives they didn’t have sex with any other women but just did all they could to make the other woman orgasm… :slight_smile:

Anyway, just find out how she orgasmed before & duplicate that. I bet she used a big vibrator. You could buy one of those. I don’t know if using one of those is having sex, though.

Never take sex advice from a guy named “handy.” :wink:

Uh, oops. I wrote those. :wink: